Tag: brother

Jessie Jo Van Bockel

Posted on September 20, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I grew up in a mixed family, which had many difficulties and struggles throughout my childhood. At age 14, riding the bus home from my first week of school, I was picked up by my stepmother. This was odd because the bus dropped me off a block away from home. I jumped in the vehicle, and she was sobbing because her son, my brother at age 16, had died by suicide when he returned home from school. My brother was living with his birth father and his stepmother at the time. I was taken aback by what had happened. We’d just seen him a few weekends before summer ended, thriving with life. No one suspected that he was struggling in his personal life, especially family matters.

As life went on, I started to notice a pattern of suicides of boys and young men in small communities. Not only did our family suffer mentally, but we also lost a brother. I was lost and angry, and my own mental health suffered.

A few years ago, my cousin, who was like a brother to me growing up, had a suicide attempt. He had reached out to the Suicide Prevention Hotline and National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, but the following day, he completed suicide. My heart sank, wishing I would have reached out to chat sooner or responded to a text message that he left me.

Today, I still have a hole in my soul, and I advocate for men’s mental health. June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month and I still see today, men are put on the back burner, to hold their emotions, unable and afraid of healthy masculinity because of the society we live in today. As humans, we need a community of support for those who struggle, and who are unable to express themselves, especially men.

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Resources I have come across are 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, Men’s Minds Matter, and National Alliance on Mental Illness.

 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

Building resilience is a daily choice. We are all going to have bad days; we have to stay consistent in addressing real mental health matters.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Mental health issues do not make you a terrible person, and reaching out asking for help does not make you needy.

 

 

 

Shannon Nielsen

Posted on September 6, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I am the oldest child of 3. Growing up, we had an amazing childhood filled with memories. On June 27, 1995, our world was turned upside down when my dad died of a heart attack. Our rock and protector was now gone. It was devastating. My mom was amazing and did all she could do to be both parents for us.  

I was 12 when my dad died, and soon after I started taking on more responsibility around the house and with my siblings. This was all self-induced. I started striving more to be perfect and not cause my mom any more heartache. I didn’t want her worrying about me. The striving to be “perfect” got worse as I entered high school. I had to have perfect grades, and I started working out more to be better in the sports I played.  

In my sophomore year of high school, I started to be more critical of my body. I started to see myself as “FAT,” and this was not acceptable. My eating habits changed along with my workout routine. I became very regimented, and the effort to be skinny controlled my life. By the beginning of my junior year, my mom and friends were concerned. I didn’t care. My mom put me in therapy in our hometown. I didn’t take it seriously as I didn’t think I had a problem. I would do whatever it took to lose weight and not gain.  My health began to worsen as I lost more and more weight.  

It was decided that I be sent to the Eating Disorder Institute in Minneapolis. I spent 3 months in an inpatient Eating Disorder Unit and then transitioned to partial treatment and eventually outpatient therapy.  When I first was in treatment, I was in denial and was not participating. After a few weeks and being threatened with a feeding tube, I started to recognize that I was sick. Not only was I hurting myself both physically and mentally, but it was also hurting my mom and siblings. It was not an overnight change, but very gradual. It had a lot of ups and downs. I went forward and backward. I had an amazing support system behind me, including my family, friends, and therapy teams.  I was able to return to my senior year of high school.  

I’m now almost 40, and I am a mom to two amazing kids. The journey here has not been easy. I have relapsed a few times.  I know I will always struggle, but I have learned to better cope with those eating disorder thoughts. I want to be a good example to my kids, and I want to advocate for my services for eating disorder patients in our state.  

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Finding a good treatment team is key. Find a counselor or therapist that you feel comfortable with. There are great support groups.  

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

One thing that I never had to deal with when I was in high school was social media. I can’t imagine what that would have done to me when I was at my lowest. Kids today are given so many different messages when it comes to the internet and social media. It’s always there.  I think we should be more aware of the damages of social media and educate others on it. I feel that there are more safeguards being placed, but there needs to be more.  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

It can affect anyone at any time! If you are struggling….you are not alone!  

 

Nikki Eining

Posted on September 5, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

On the first day of my sophomore year of high school, my best friend was killed in a head-on car collision. Two months later, my father had a brain aneurysm and was hospitalized for 31 days. That same year, in December, we lost my aunt to breast cancer. At 15, I was surrounded by death, loss, and grief, with no ability to process or understand why all of these things that were out of my control had occurred. With a history of experiencing maltreatment, this loss was devastating and all–consuming. I remember not wanting to go to school, not wanting to go to my job, and beginning to give up. I had quit things I enjoyed—extra–curricular activities, athletics, and more.  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Safe and supportive relationships. My friends, friends’ parents, neighbors, and aunts and uncles supported me when my parents were at the hospital for those 31 days. My student resource officer—who went above and beyond his job description— was the one to tell me about my best friend’s accident and supported our class during such a difficult time. Teachers rallied for us to take care of one another. One day in the spring, following the fall when all of these losses occurred, I was at home having thoughts of what is the point anymore, and my SRO showed up and talked to me about not giving up on myself and even helped get me to school that day. I remember being in geography class and my friend telling our teacher, who was my golf coach, to let me rejoin the team because I needed it. So many people showed up at a time they did not have to, or when it was not part of their job description. It saved my life. 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

We have to prioritize relationships over “following the rules” and complacency. We have to prioritize relationships over economic brackets and cliques. The potential in each of us is worth protecting. It takes safe, supportive, and appropriately challenging adults and peers to help us reach our potential when there are factors hindering it. 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Our choice in how we show up in our relationships and our interactions with others matters. Greatly. 

 

Jennifer Williams-Curl

Posted on September 4, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

In March 2015, my life changed forever. I was walking by a boxing gym when my gut told me I needed to change something. It felt surreal. A few hours later, my parents called and asked me to bring something to their house. I thought it was weird, and I tried to call my brother to see if he knew what was up. He lived in Nebraska, and he wasn’t answering. I messaged his best friend to see if he’d seen him lately. I was told TJ went to see our grandparents. About halfway to my parents’ house, I realized that my brother died. That’s why I had to drive to see my parents before they would tell me what was going on. I arrived in Nisland, and my worst fears were confirmed. I sat on a step, sobbing. Not knowing what to do. Nobody was there to support us—we found out my brother died of suicide, but I had no additional support.   

Fast forward to fall 2022. My brother would have turned 30 that September. I was struggling with my mental health due to postpartum hormones and grief. I checked in with my support system at work, got myself into my counselor, and worked through the process. Then, we lost a student that I worked with closely to suicide. That was hard. Lost&Found, the Front Porch Coalition, and so many others were there for our campus. A few weeks later, we had another loss. I didn’t know this student, but the loss still hurt. These events inspired me to change my dissertation topic. How can I help students feel supported? I’m going to find the answer and do that. My brother’s last words to me were in a letter, and he told me to do great things. I’ve decided those great things include helping others feel supported so nobody ever needs to feel as alone as I did when I learned of my brother’s death.  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

I started with a counselor through an EAP (employee assistance program), then I worked with this person regularly outside of that assistance. Lost&Found provides a lot of training and resources about how to help build healthy coping skills, so I’ve slowly been implementing new strategies into my life.  

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

I think the biggest thing we can do is recognize that mental health is health. Someone suffering from anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, etc. should be given the same grace as someone with the stomach flu. Just because others don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. That mentality is the hardest thing to overcome, even within my own family sometimes. 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

It’s okay to not be okay, but remember to ask for help when you need it.