What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My dad died by suicide just before my fifth birthday. My sister passed away in 2019, potentially suicide-related. I’ve spent most of my life learning, growing, and recovering from loss and suicide loss.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Family, friends, counseling / therapy, research and learning, volunteering & supporting the community, healthy hobbies, art, and music.
Through doing lots of work on and for myself, I also co-founded MindBodyHeart Pathways with my wife, Dr. Michelle Cook, and we offer coaching, counseling, and psychiatry services in addition to ketamine-assisted psychotherapy.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
Some of the major hurdles I see are limited access to mental health care and the quality of that care. Additionally, people who do seek help need to be supported rather than looked down upon…we need to help eliminate the stigma. We also need to move away from the thought that life is/should/will be free of challenges. Working through challenging times builds resiliency.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
It’s okay to be vulnerable and reach out for help and be open to different types of help.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I lost my biological father to suicide.
Growing up, I did not see my biological father all the time, especially because my maternal grandparents had adopted me when I was younger. However, I was still building a relationship with him throughout the years. I usually saw him on holidays when I was home, because otherwise, he was out working these big construction jobs and a lot of times was out of state. He was still there for me.
The day that I found out, I had just finished working on my homework and was taking a nap. I woke up to my sister calling me, and my heart dropped instantly because she usually asks if she can call before she does. I immediately picked up the phone and asked her what was wrong because she was crying. She told me that she didn’t know if anyone had told me but that Dad was found dead. Instantly I broke down crying and texted one of my friends begging him to call my cousin who lives in my dorm building and send her my way. I couldn’t move, all I could do was bawl and try not to scream. Seven days earlier, I had gotten numerous texts from Dad saying how proud of me he was, that he loved me, and that he was sorry for everything that he did wrong in life. I remember getting teary over those messages because my own mental health was already rough, and it just so happened to make me cry because I needed to hear it. However, I did not realize that this was a warning sign that something was going to happen. I did take screenshots and sent them to my same sister asking her if he was sending her similar things, so I guess in a way deep down I knew that there was something wrong, I just did not know what to do with it. In the following days, I made it home and prepared to say my goodbyes. Saying goodbye to a parent is not easy, especially when you lose them in a traumatic way.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Resources that helped me address this challenge were my therapist, my psychiatrist, and Lost&Found. I was already seeing my therapist every two weeks, and for the following therapy sessions, I was going once every week. My anxiety and depression had spiked dramatically. My psychiatrist upped my meds and put me on an anxiety med full time instead of as needed because of daily panic attacks. Lost&Found was a great resource for me because I was already in the Lost&Found Advocates Program, I was about two sessions into training, so I was able to check in with my cohort leaders at each meeting about how I was feeling.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
Mental health needs to be talked about more but not in such a negative, stigmatized way. Yes, mental health is on the rise, but stigmatizing it is not going to make it any better. I firmly believe that if mental health was talked about more, especially in men, and people were more supportive and listened, male statistics related to suicide especially could be different. In my father’s household and the way he was raised, mental health was not talked about. Mental health did not become something to talk about until my siblings and I, even aunts and uncles, started opening up about it. No one should ever be brought down because they are struggling, or made feel like they cannot talk about what is bothering them. I feel like if mental health help is advocated for more, our communities may start building resilience and address mental health more. Some locations in South Dakota have multiple support programs, but Sturgis does not.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Grieving from a suicide loss is one of the hardest things to go through because it is something you can never prepare for, unlike death by natural causes. Reaching out to someone when you are struggling with your mental health is a sign of strength, not weakness. Having mental health struggles does not make you weak. Also, a warning sign can be something so little and something that could be easily overlooked – if it makes you worried in any sense, please offer support. You could be the person that the person trusts to reach out to for help.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
On May 30, 2022, I lost my sweet, sweet dad to suicide.
Before suicide personally affected my family, I was like many. I thought that suicide only affected people who have always struggled with mental health, had recently experienced severe trauma, or had difficult home lives. I was so wrong.
Suicide does NOT discriminate and can affect anyone. My dad did not check any previous beliefs about who suicide affects. He was happily married and had five kids who loved him dearly. He ran a successful company for many years, Swenson Bros Marine, and had just entered into a place of semi-retirement. He was always our biggest cheerleader and had the biggest smile on his face. In a small community, he was the one who was always called on for help, and he never let anyone down. He was always the “man for the job” and took care of anyone and everyone he could.
In the months before his death, my dad had been making many plans for his newfound “freedom” and was looking forward to trips with friends and family, watching his kids grow, spoiling grandkids, and enjoying many days boating and relaxing on the Missouri River with his family and friends … one of his favorite things to do in the entire world.
With one phone call, my world changed forever. My dad was always the one I could go to for help, for advice, to celebrate, to cry… he was truly “the man for the job” – and he was no longer here. Between telling my 10-year-old youngest brother how his dad died, to hearing story after story of how my dad helped someone else in the same spot, he found himself in before taking his own life, to learning how my dad cared for and supported others (many who were strangers) nearly daily without any recognition… The days and weeks following my dad’s death were the hardest times of my life. The world is dimmer without his love and light.
A year later, I still grieve my dad every single day. Suicide robbed my dad, and everyone he loved, of so much. My family’s hearts will ache over the loss of my dad forever, but we also know there is so much more joy ahead. And we hold onto that.
I’ll end by sharing the last paragraph of my dad’s obituary: “Jimmer cared about everyone so much that he forgot to take care of himself. If you are struggling or feel lost, please reach out to one of us or someone you love. There is no judgment, no condemnation. You are not alone, you matter, and you are loved.”
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I have an incredible family and significant other who have — time and time again — given me the space and ability to share my feelings and emotions. I have also read multiple books and listened to many podcasts on mental health and suicide. I also hold tightly to my faith in Jesus and the promises I have that I will be able to hug my dad and hear his laugh again, someday.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
In the year 2021,
South Dakota experienced its highest suicide death rate ever recorded. (22.6 deaths per 100,000)
Suicide was the leading cause of death among ages 10-29 in SD. (2021)
South Dakota had the 7th highest suicide rate in the US.
We talk until we are blue in the face about the dangers of drugs, not wearing seatbelts, drinking and driving, etc. … commercials and billboards galore—but we are failing to have open, honest conversations to discuss one of the leading causes of death of people in our state.
Mental health and suicide both have a stigma attached to them, but they shouldn’t. Mental health IS health, and we need to strive to become comfortable with the uncomfortable… It’s time we step into the arena, share our stories, and start shining light into the darkness. By sharing our stories, we let others know they are not alone.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
I know it sounds cliché… but truly, the world is a better place with you in it. You are not alone, you matter and you are so, so loved.
