What is the story related to resilience that you’d like to share?
Entering 2023, I was in what I thought was a healthy relationship with my then-girlfriend. She had become distant, and communication was lacking. I was scared I had done something wrong to deserve this treatment. The lack of communication then became a version of blaming me for everything wrong in her life. She eventually ended the relationship. After experiencing this situation, naturally I questioned who I was and the type of person I am. It truly was the dark times. I was desperate for any escape from the gut-wrenching feeling every waking second.
I decided it would be best if I let go of my ego, pushed myself to try something new, and redefined myself. So I went to work at a summer camp in Minnesota on a lake. I was scared at first, and progress felt impossible. But week by week, I started meeting the new me that was developing before my eyes by being thrust into leadership positions. Aha, I have found myself and my calling once again. The pain and desperation I had felt seemingly melted away from my heart and soul. I had survived my darkest days experienced thus far in my life.
What strengths can you identify within yourself that helped you navigate the situation?
I recognized my willingness to learn and to be a leader. I also recognized my ability to kill my ego in order to find inner peace. It is a difficult and humbling process but extremely worth it. I also kept my trust in the world and in myself.
Did you have a person or persons to look to for support during this time? If so, what was it about that person/those people that was helpful or not helpful? If not, what did you do instead?
I had a few friends and my therapist as my biggest support system. They offered different perspectives on the situations, and they acted as my north stars. I fell from my path quite often, but they were all patient enough to help me through it.
What resources did you use during that time? Are there any barriers or limitations regarding access to these resources? What resources do you think still need to be developed for others?
I utilized therapy at this time. There were no barriers with the interaction except the process of actually getting into therapy on campus being difficult and unpredictable. I think what could have aided me even more so would have been someone dedicated to relationship advice and mitigation.
What is one thing related to your experience that you wish everyone could understand? What advice might you share with someone who is experiencing something similar?
One thing I want people to understand is that no matter what, you must live with yourself at the end of the day. The hurt your loved ones can inflict upon you can feel endless, but the hurt you perpetrate upon yourself by not letting go is even worse. Take your time to feel your feelings. It isn’t supposed to feel good or safe, but when you survive the feeling, you can recognize you can do anything and that eventually, this too shall pass.
What is the story related to resilience that you’d like to share?
My mental health journey started when I was very young. I was exposed to the not-so-good side of mental illness before I was even in middle school. My older sister is my best friend and biggest inspiration, but sadly I had to learn what mental illness was from her struggles and experiences.
In high school, I was bullied a lot, which greatly impacted my mental health. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but nothing seemed to be helping. I decided to transfer schools and have a “fresh start.” I felt like I had more of a purpose and was so much happier after finally deciding to help myself.
During my freshman year of college on a random weekend in April, I woke up to a call from my mom in the early morning hours. That morning, I found out that my cousin died by suicide, ultimately losing her battle with mental illness.
Fast forward to February 14, 2022—the day I tried to end my life. I was at the lowest point possible, depressed, unmotivated, and surrounded by people who were only tearing me down. I was willing to give up on 17+ years of education, end the friendships I created, and leave my job and the family who raised me. I was ready to throw in the towel and give up for good. Thankfully, I got help before it was too late.
Looking back, each encounter I have had with mental health and mental illness has helped me find my purpose in life. I have always been an empathetic person, and I feel emotions very strongly, which is why I never want anyone to feel the way I have. After losing loved ones, and almost losing my own life, I have made it my mission to have a voice for those who no longer do and share my story—how I turned struggle into strength. It has been a long and tough journey to get to where I am today, but I am so grateful to be an advocate for mental health and be the person to prove that things do get better. Ever since I started advocating for mental health, I’ve been asked questions like, “Why should I care about mental health?” “Is mental illness even real?” “Why can’t people just be happy?” My response is simple: everyone has mental health, just like we have physical health, and people who are affected by a mental illness have a much harder time controlling, regulating, and improving their mental health. Mental illness is a silent killer, taking more lives than breast cancer. When shown the reality of the matter, people tend to understand the severity and prevalence of mental health/mental illness, which is exactly what I aim to do with my platform through my involvement with the Miss America/Miss South Dakota organizations.
What strengths can you identify within yourself that helped you navigate the situation?
Besides resilience, I’d have to say courage—to keep moving forward even when I felt like giving up, determination—to not let my story end even when I wanted it to, and faith—that there was hope for a better future even when I didn’t think there was.
Did you have a person or persons to look to for support during this time? If so, what was it about that person/those people that was helpful or not helpful? If not, what did you do instead?
I saw a therapist and also talked to my mom, even though she lives 4 hours away since I moved from Wisconsin to South Dakota to go to college. They both helped me in their own ways, but the most helpful thing was to have someone who could be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a voice of reason.
What resources did you use during that time? Are there any barriers or limitations regarding access to these resources? What resources do you think still need to be developed for others?
Thankfully, South Dakota State University provides free counseling services to all students, and I was able to meet one-on-one with a counselor as much as I needed. I think that more preventative resources need to be readily available, so that students can get the help they need before they find themselves in a time of crisis. I knew of the counseling center and at the time, thought it was my only option. I didn’t know how to make an appointment and didn’t want to be seen in the building out of fear of shame and embarrassment.
What is one thing related to your experience that you wish everyone could understand? What advice might you share with someone who is experiencing something similar?
Asking for help is a sign of strength. I have always been very independent, especially when I came to college. I always felt that needing help on an assignment or asking a friend to help me with something made me seem weak. I didn’t realize it at the time, but having that mentality was pushing people away, causing me to feel alone. I now know that asking for help is not a weakness, and that strength comes in numbers. Leaning on those around you will only help you, not hurt you.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I’ve always struggled with some form of mental health issues, specifically anxiety and obsessive worrying, which would happen very cyclically throughout my childhood and young adult life. Since moving to South Dakota, living so far away from my family and childhood friends, I’ve noticed that I struggle significantly more, less with worrying and more with depressive episodes. Winter has regularly been my downfall, coupled with a physical assault at the beginning of the pandemic (3/20), limited mental health resources, and the idea that “I just need to pick myself up and dust myself off, I can handle this.”
My “oh shit” moment came on a dreary February morning in 2023. I hit (another) pothole, and I got so angry. I was mad that the pothole wasn’t big enough to swallow my car whole, with me in it, because then at least it wouldn’t be my fault. Shortly thereafter I lost a good friend unexpectedly, and the intrusive thoughts got worse, but always with the tinge of – “as long as it’s not my fault.” I don’t want people to think I did it to myself. I was okay with dying, but I didn’t want to do it. Somewhere along the way, I knew I was in big trouble. March has never been my friend – but this year was particularly bad. I cried every day on the way to and from work with just a heaviness in my chest that I could not escape.
I smiled, did my job, volunteered, and made sure things in my life got handled, but I was just doing what needed to be done to not show anyone the cracks. I was playing a part in my own life and not owning any of it. I didn’t really care about anything.
I’ve never asked for anything from family or friends – I offered help and support and was right there when people needed me, or even when I thought they might need me. So when I hit the proverbial “rock bottom” and no one was around to help, I knew I was in trouble. When you’re always the helper, it makes it so much harder to ask for help.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I started out using the BetterHelp therapy app around mid-March. I switched providers a few times trying to find the right fit. I finally found one that was good, but not great. Our sessions were only 30 minutes, and by the time I got into the meat of the issues, the session was over and no solutions were available. She recommended me to a foundation that specialized in helping women who were the victims of violent crimes. They referred me to a local therapist with Moore Counseling Group where I could receive EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing) therapy. This helps me to both process the most recent trauma and desensitize triggers that had been established during childhood and my youth.
Because of this therapy, I’ve learned that my voice had been stifled, I didn’t have any boundaries, and I didn’t trust anyone to be there for me when and if I asked them to be. I’m learning and healing a little bit more every week.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
We have started making mental health a mainstream conversation, and that is SO important. For people to see themselves, their thoughts, feelings, and experiences portrayed in others, so they know they aren’t alone, is a massive improvement from where we were 5, 10, 20+ years ago.
I think the biggest struggle is buy-in from generations that believe you just need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. The folks that think therapists and counselors are only there to pacify you and collect your insurance money.
Normalizing mental health is important, but normalizing going to therapy is going to be just as important in the future, which also means beefing up the programs in schools that promote education in that field and the importance of healing from the inside first.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
If someone has a single vulnerable moment in front of you and then brushes it off, don’t ignore it. Just because they say “I’ll be fine” doesn’t mean they will. They probably don’t know how to ask for help. That’s not something everyone learns growing up.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I had to deal with recovery from surgeries from age 5 to 15. This wasn’t exactly an ideal way to grow up. Because of this, I developed anxiety and depression at a young age, but it wasn’t until I was 19 going to college at Black Hills State University that I had thoughts of suicide and attempted to end my life. All my feelings ambushed me. I was away from home, I hadn’t gotten over surgeries and what I had been through, I hadn’t accepted myself and who I wanted to be. I was alone.
Then I was told a story by my mom about how I should’ve died when I was born but I didn’t, that I was supposed to be a vegetable my whole life, but I wasn’t. This hit me hard, because I thought to myself, “I didn’t fight that hard my WHOLE life just to give up now.” So I didn’t. I kept moving toward my goals of being in the entertainment industry and having a family. I am now in a place where it looks like I’ll be in the entertainment industry, and I have just recently gotten engaged. This is my story. I am resilient.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I would say a support system consisting of my family, friends, and mentors helped me climb out of my hole. I began going to counseling and hanging out with family and friends more often, whether it was through the Boys Health Program at YFS or just a family dinner. I had support and understanding from them.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
It may sound cliché, but I think belief in one’s self and recognizing one’s potential as a person goes a long way. The problem is that it’s hard to see that in ourselves because we are so self-conscious, so if we point that out to our loved ones, it can really help a person be confident in what they can do. This leads to pushing a person past what they previously thought they could reach.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My life changed one fall evening in 2014. I was about to catch a volleyball game with some friends from high school in my small hometown. One group member was not answering his phone, so I decided to swing by his house to see what was taking so long. When I walked through the door, I found him attempting to take his life.
At 18 years old, I had never been educated on how to handle the situation—suicide was not often discussed, especially in rural South Dakota. I decided to intervene and help my friend in the best way I knew at the time. Luckily, this friend of mine is still alive today. I often reflect on that moment and think about how fortunate I was that this situation did not end up differently, as I later found out there were better ways to handle that situation.
Shortly after my friend’s suicide attempt, I lost two former cross-country teammates to suicide. I mourned and searched for answers. How, as individuals and as a community, could we be better? During this time, I also started therapy for myself. I also sought out solutions during this time. Not just for myself but for rural communities like the one I grew up in. Why weren’t the topics of mental health and suicide being discussed? This led to a research project with my professor at the University of South Dakota, which later became an organization called Break the Chains 17. The organization’s goal was to go to rural communities and schools in South Dakota to provide education on bullying, share the warning sides of suicide, explain what to do in times of crisis, and provide resources for the students. The organization has recently rebranded and is now known as “The Unseen Struggle.” This transformation focuses on the mission of sharing stories related to mental health and increasing awareness about invisible illnesses/diseases. “The Unseen Struggle” will place a strong emphasis on education and the dissemination of inspirational narratives, all to break down the stigmas and provide hope around these significant subjects.
While I wouldn’t want anyone to go through the experiences mentioned earlier, it’s important to understand that these situations are not isolated incidents; they can potentially affect anyone. This is why having conversations and spreading awareness about these subjects is of utmost importance. By doing so, we contribute to the overall health and wellness of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities as a whole.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I grew up in a small rural community in South Dakota, where resources for dealing with mental health were limited at the time. When I began experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety, I felt ashamed and alone. Luckily, improved telehealth options are available for those in rural communities (so check into that)!
Once I started college, things changed. I began attending therapy sessions at the University of South Dakota’s counseling center, which I learned about through my sorority sisters. If you are in school, look into these resources! Upon being diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Seasonal Affective Disorder, I was fortunate to have supportive friends and family around me. Finding a group that will support you and your mental well-being is important.
It’s been nine years now! I’ve continued with therapy, and it’s been a game-changer. When things feel unmanageable for me, I try prioritizing baths, eight hours of sleep, cycling classes, making time blocks in my schedule, and ensuring I attend my therapy sessions! I’ve also used medication to manage my anxiety, and having a supportive primary care physician who prioritizes mental health has been crucial. Whether it is therapy or medication, know there are solutions out there for you to make things more manageable. It takes time, but it’s worth it!
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
Prevention, conversation, and education! We can build better prevention systems in our communities to help create a more resilient community that better addresses the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities. Starting the implementation of prevention, conversation, and education at earlier ages in our homes and in our schools is a great first step.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Mental health challenges, suicidal thoughts/ideation, and suicide are not “selfish.” As individuals and as a community, we can all be better at understanding and supporting those who face any of these conditions.
I was also able to get a law changed so children wouldn’t have to go through what my son did to get the help he needed. So far that law has been instrumental in getting the children the help they needed and successfully integrating students back to their home school.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
DHS, Dept of Labor, ACLU, SFSD with Kristy Feden
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
The whole mental health system needs to be revamped. Departments need to work together and communicate. More training needs to be done with our police department and educational systems. SD needs facilities with experienced and well-trained staff for people/kids in crisis. Also, laws need to be changed and new ones passed.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Show empathy and compassion. Never give up. In life, you will have pain whether it’s physical, emotional, or mental. Never give up. It will get better, and once you get through it, it’s the best feeling in the world that you overcame whatever you went through.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was in elementary school. I didn’t know that’s what I was dealing with until I went to a therapist in my late 20s. I attempted suicide when I was 18 and used to cut my hands. I contemplated suicide again in 2021. My friend told me I needed to go to Avera Behavioral Health right away. I ended up spending a week at the facility.
Since then I have had a therapist and psychologist who help me with my mental health. I also open up to my family, friends, and co-workers more when my depression or anxiety is starting to get bad.
I feel like my story can resonate with people who are dealing with mental health problems, but don’t feel like they can open up to anyone about it. I can also show that you can live with these disorders and manage them to lead a healthier and happier life.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
There needs to be more education in schools and the community to tell people that it’s OK to not be OK, and also to teach family and friends how to speak with someone who has a mental illness. There also needs to be more affordable and easily accessible ways to talk with a therapist or psychologist.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Don’t tell people that everything will be alright or that other people have it worse. Listen to the person who is struggling and offer them support and comfort.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
Throughout high school, I struggled deeply with anxiety, an eating disorder, depression, and suicidal thoughts. It wasn’t until therapy that I was able to come to grips with my reality and seek out help.
I later experienced a ton of grief and loss due to family members passing away and my engagement ending.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Therapy
Local groups: Theyself by Wake, The We Can Movement
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
Connecting with a community! I think that once you get in environments where you are able to share your struggles, you don’t feel as alone.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
Growing up in Mission, SD, I saw firsthand how mental health and suicide can impact individuals, families, and entire communities. Although I saw people in my community impacted by suicide, it wasn’t until high school that I first began to realize just how dramatically the incidence of suicide in this area of the state was disproportionate to other communities. Today, Todd County remains in the top five counties in South Dakota with the highest rates of suicide, with teens and young adults most affected.
Although there have been times in my own life that I have struggled with balancing my mental health while also engaging in life and working to become the person I wanted to be, I have always been fortunate to have an immense support system of a family that has helped and supported me. I recognize that not everyone who finds themselves in a challenging time in their life can access the resources and services they may most benefit from.
This was one of the reasons that later in my life I began to explore how health disparities and the social determinants of health can influence mental and physical health. What I have learned over the years is that sizable disparities exist in South Dakota. They are based on factors such as where a person lives, their age, and their ethnicity. Native communities are dramatically more affected by suicide than other ethnic groups, despite programs and policies targeting these communities and individuals.
As an occupational therapist, I have seen other ways that mental health challenges affect individuals in South Dakota. Not only is mental health sometimes overlooked, but the most appropriate mental health care can be difficult to access. Despite a growing emphasis nationwide to address mental health, a stigma remains around asking for or receiving the help that may be most needed. Because of this, I remain passionate about advocating for access to mental health services and continuously working to better understand how to best promote mental health.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Developing a support network of family and friends has been the most beneficial for me. Especially during times when I thought I was fine, having a trusted person who knows me well and not giving up on supporting me has made a big impact.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
Continuing to work to de-stigmatize asking for and accepting help for mental health concerns is needed in our society. Working to make it the norm to get the help and resources that are needed to address mental health in an easily accessible way is critical. This process needs to start early in life when children develop lifelong habits that can contribute to their mental and physical health throughout their entire life.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Managing mental health is a lifelong journey that everyone faces in some way. While we never truly reach a point where we no longer need to pay attention to our mental health, over time we can develop skills that will make this journey seem easier. Being a resource and support when someone is facing a challenging time in their life and doing so with grace and compassion is important.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
Having a lifelong disease takes perseverance, persistence, and an understanding that it’s OK to be not OK. It’s easier in our society to understand physical health more than mental health. Having learned I have bipolar in 2008, I worked very hard with therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and myself to understand how to manage and live with this lifelong disease. I finally got to the point of remission, a thing I didn’t even know was possible with this disease.
I have been a resource and advocate for others by creating a sports association in Sioux Falls. A similar outlet was available in my hometown of Minneapolis and was an invaluable resource. I even became a mental health first aid responder in 2022. With all of that knowledge, experience, and time, I still faltered.
In May of 2023, I saw myself dying by suicide in two vivid scenarios. I did not want this to become a reality, but I forgot everything I knew. I was so busy helping everybody else that I forgot to help myself first. It finally became too much, and I had to ask for help. This time was different, though—I knew that it was OK to not be OK. I had talked about my struggle openly for years, and when I finally succumbed to needing help, I was surrounded by it. I did not feel ashamed this time. I felt as though I was actually doing the right thing. This was my “drink your juice, Shelby” moment, and I was parched.
While at work, I reached out to my manager and a co-worker who led me to the right place. I completed an outpatient intensive therapy program at Avera Behavioral Health and am seeing a therapist at Sanford Health regularly. I still openly talk about my experience(s) to others and am once again able to be a resource for those who need it.
My tunnel has found light again, and I am ready for what’s next.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Avera Behavioral Health (outpatient intensive care program), Sanford therapy, Lost&Found, Sioux Empire Pride Sports Association, 988, co-workers, family & friends.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
I believe that we have come a long way from where we were, but we still have a long way to go. I will do what I can, for as long as I can to speak to the importance of the whole health of individuals. Being silent is the worst thing I can do for others. I will continue to advocate for better coverage, access, and awareness of resources available.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
No matter how dark the road, light will always shine, even if just a flicker. Stay here. You are worth it.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My biological parents went through a difficult divorce when I was very young. Immediately after that, I endured neglect and severe physical abuse within the household. Going into my adolescence and teen years, I was also a victim of multiple sexual assaults and rapes. My first sexual assault was when I was 14, and soon after was my first rape. I struggled with depression and low self-worth at a very young age, which trickled into young adulthood. My relationship choices reflected how I put up with my partners’ treatment and how I felt about myself. I had multiple sexual assaults in my twenties as well. Depression has never left me, even as a social worker/therapist myself—it doesn’t discriminate.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Honestly, I was too proud to reach out for help until this year (2023) because I thought I could just deal with it on my own. I knew I had never properly dealt with my trauma or how it continued to affect me in my adult life, and I finally decided it was time for proper self-care. I found a great therapist and began the difficult journey of processing through everything and facing my demons.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
Therapy is expensive. Waitlists to get into psychiatrists for proper medication management are way too long. Treatment for substance abuse is also expensive and isn’t near long enough to actually treat the cycle of addiction. Law Enforcement needs more extensive training on mental health crises, also the way suicidal and mental health patients are treated in our jail system needs to be addressed.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
It’s not something I wish on anyone. It’s a very excruciating silent struggle that people go through, and it’s just so hard to really explain to someone who has never had a thought of literally wanting to not be on earth anymore. I can be a fully functioning adult and put on a smile all day but internally, I’m screaming and aching in pain because I’m just so exhausted about “being.”
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My very first memory is somewhere around 3-4 years old at a funeral of a family member. I remember sitting on the lap of a woman who was weeping, and I had no idea why. Years later I found out that that funeral was her brother who had died by suicide. In my teen years, another family member died by suicide. She had mailed me a birthday card every single year until she was gone. In 2018 my cousin whom I was very close with and was very close to my kids, died by suicide. I had dropped my children at school and was driving to my grandmother’s house when I came to a roadblock due to an accident. A short hour later I found out that it was my cousin, Landry. I remember hearing the sound of my grandmother’s heart breaking while I held her in my arms and her son told her her grandson was gone. I had to sit my three children down and tell them. I had talked to two school counselors and a child therapist along with our pastor to make sure I was doing it right. What’s the right way to tell a 7, 9, and 11-year-old something like that? The very first time my 7-year-old had an anxiety attack was the day of the funeral. Our entire family went to therapy, and it took months for the sweet little girl to realize she could still be safe away from home and mama. All of this was affecting my own mental health, but my priority was my children, and I ignored the signs.
In March of 2022 I started having severe anxiety and moderate depression. I had experienced a brief time of this after Landry’s passing and had some minor postpartum depression after my third child, but this was completely different than anything I had felt before. I would be driving home from work and have an overwhelming urge to drive off the road. I would think about just escaping the pain, and then I would think of my husband and our kids and would feel so incredibly selfish. I was in so much emotional pain, but I didn’t tell anyone. I was too embarrassed. I was surrounded by so many loving friends and family, but I was too ashamed to tell anyone. This happened to other people but not me. I had even done safety counseling with a family member the year before, not even knowing what I was doing had a name. But me? I didn’t have these kinds of problems, I told myself. But I did.
I eventually made an appointment with my primary care practitioner. I filled out the PHQ-9 and GAD 7, forms that screen for depression and anxiety, and I was sky-high on both. I sat in the office and cried, and the nurse just slid the Kleenex box over to me and said the doctor would be in shortly. I waited 54 minutes for the doctor. I had told my sister I was going in, and I texted her from the doctor’s office asking her if she thought they were lining someone up to come haul me away. My primary care provider referred me to a specialist and started me on medication. I wasn’t overly impressed. I started seeing the therapist I had seen after Landry had passed and realized most of this was coming on due to the extreme amount of stress I had in my life at that time. With my therapist’s help, I made some major life changes. One of them was that left a fifteen-year career in banking to pursue a career in behavioral health. I had so much compassion for those struggling, and I couldn’t stop reading and learning about the brain, mental health, coping skills, mindfulness, anything I could get my hands or eyes on pertaining to the subject. Knowledge is power. I needed some power. I found my strength. I prayed a lot and met with a career counselor. I have been working in behavioral health now for 15 months. In my healing journey I have relied heavily on my relationship with God, practiced self-care and mindfulness, and got back to journaling. I eliminated as much stress as I could, but life is life. My brother Tulley who truly was my mind-reading, attentive, kind, best buddy for 35 years, had been struggling with alcohol addiction. We finally got him to go to treatment this fall, and after discharge, he relapsed. Three weeks ago he died due to complications from alcoholic hepatitis after spending 52 days in the hospital. I am afraid of what this could do. I have been doing so well the last year. I am not currently on medication, but I am practicing all of the skills I have learned and I teach. Helping others in their healing journey has helped me. I know grief will need to be processed and felt, and I have had and will have moments of deep deep sadness, but I do believe I can get through this. I know there is help if I struggle.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Reverence Counseling-Jodi Merritt (for myself)
Stronghold Counseling (in the past for my children)
Sanford Psych (medication management)
Avera Addiction Family Program (Support for me and my parents with brother’s addiction)
QPR (learned how to help other’s (and myself) in crisis and am now an instructor)
Mental Health First Aid Adult and Youth (Use this knowledge both professionally and personally)
Avera Behavioral Outpatient-Brookings (most amazing co-workers ever and provide exceptional service in the Brookings area)
For others:
988 (Have referred many to this for after hours help or in crisis and don’t want to or can’t go in)
Avera Behavioral Urgent Care (Refer those who are in crisis and have strong suicidal urges)
Avera Adolescent Addiction (teens struggling with addiction)
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
I think breaking the stigma of struggling with mental health and/or addiction would do wonders for allowing people to reach out to their loved ones without feeling shame (whether actual shame or self-imposed shame).
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
You can feel better! You don’t have to stay stuck. You are going to have to take action and use your tools, and there are many, but YOU CAN DO IT!!
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I am the oldest child of 3. Growing up, we had an amazing childhood filled with memories. On June 27, 1995, our world was turned upside down when my dad died of a heart attack. Our rock and protector was now gone. It was devastating. My mom was amazing and did all she could do to be both parents for us.
I was 12 when my dad died, and soon after I started taking on more responsibility around the house and with my siblings. This was all self-induced. I started striving more to be perfect and not cause my mom any more heartache. I didn’t want her worrying about me. The striving to be “perfect” got worse as I entered high school. I had to have perfect grades, and I started working out more to be better in the sports I played.
In my sophomore year of high school, I started to be more critical of my body. I started to see myself as “FAT,” and this was not acceptable. My eating habits changed along with my workout routine. I became very regimented, and the effort to be skinny controlled my life. By the beginning of my junior year, my mom and friends were concerned. I didn’t care. My mom put me in therapy in our hometown. I didn’t take it seriously as I didn’t think I had a problem. I would do whatever it took to lose weight and not gain. My health began to worsen as I lost more and more weight.
It was decided that I be sent to the Eating Disorder Institute in Minneapolis. I spent 3 months in an inpatient Eating Disorder Unit and then transitioned to partial treatment and eventually outpatient therapy. When I first was in treatment, I was in denial and was not participating. After a few weeks and being threatened with a feeding tube, I started to recognize that I was sick. Not only was I hurting myself both physically and mentally, but it was also hurting my mom and siblings. It was not an overnight change, but very gradual. It had a lot of ups and downs. I went forward and backward. I had an amazing support system behind me, including my family, friends, and therapy teams. I was able to return to my senior year of high school.
I’m now almost 40, and I am a mom to two amazing kids. The journey here has not been easy. I have relapsed a few times. I know I will always struggle, but I have learned to better cope with those eating disorder thoughts. I want to be a good example to my kids, and I want to advocate for my services for eating disorder patients in our state.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Finding a good treatment team is key.Find a counselor or therapist that you feel comfortable with.There are great support groups.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
One thing that I never had to deal with when I was in high school was social media.I can’t imagine what that would have done to me when I was at my lowest.Kids today are given so many different messages when it comes to the internet and social media. It’s always there. I think we should be more aware of the damages of social media and educate others on it.I feel that there are more safeguards being placed, but there needs to be more.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
It can affect anyone at any time! If you are struggling….you are not alone!
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
On the first day of my sophomore year of high school, my best friend was killed in a head-on car collision. Two months later, my father had a brain aneurysm and was hospitalized for 31 days. That same year, in December, we lost my aunt to breast cancer. At 15, I was surrounded by death, loss, and grief, with no ability to process or understand why all of these things that were out of my control had occurred. With a history of experiencing maltreatment, this loss was devastating and all–consuming. I remember not wanting to go to school, not wanting to go to my job, and beginning to give up. I had quit things I enjoyed—extra–curricular activities, athletics, and more.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Safe and supportive relationships. My friends, friends’ parents, neighbors, and aunts and uncles supported me when my parents were at the hospital for those 31 days. My student resource officer—who went above and beyond his job description— was the one to tell me about my best friend’s accident and supported our class during such a difficult time. Teachers rallied for us to take care of one another. One day in the spring, following the fall when all of these losses occurred, I was at home having thoughts of what is the point anymore, and my SRO showed up and talked to me about not giving up on myself and even helped get me to school that day. I remember being in geography class and my friend telling our teacher, who was my golf coach, to let me rejoin the team because I needed it. So many people showed up at a time they did not have to, or whenit was not part of their job description. It saved my life.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
We have to prioritize relationships over “following the rules” and complacency. We have to prioritize relationships over economic brackets and cliques. The potential in each of us is worth protecting. It takes safe, supportive, and appropriately challenging adults and peers to help us reach our potential when there are factors hindering it.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Our choice in how we show up in our relationships and our interactions with others matters. Greatly.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
In March 2015, my life changed forever. I was walking by a boxing gym when my gut told me I needed to change something. It felt surreal. A few hours later, my parents called and asked me to bring something to their house. I thought it was weird, and I tried to call my brother to see if he knew what was up. He lived in Nebraska, and he wasn’t answering. I messaged his best friend to see if he’d seen him lately. I was told TJ went to see our grandparents. About halfway to my parents’ house, I realized that my brother died. That’s why I had to drive to see my parents before they would tell me what was going on. I arrived in Nisland, and my worst fears were confirmed. I sat on a step, sobbing. Not knowing what to do. Nobody was there to support us—we found out my brother died of suicide, but I had no additional support.
Fast forward to fall 2022. My brother would have turned 30 that September. I was struggling with my mental health due to postpartum hormones and grief. I checked in with my support system at work, got myself into my counselor, and worked through the process. Then, we lost a student that I worked with closely to suicide. That was hard. Lost&Found, the Front Porch Coalition, and so many others were there for our campus. A few weeks later, we had another loss. I didn’t know this student, but the loss still hurt. These events inspired me to change my dissertation topic. How can I help students feel supported? I’m going to find the answer and do that. My brother’s last words to me were in a letter, and he told me to do great things. I’ve decided those great things include helping others feel supported so nobody ever needs to feel as alone as I did when I learned of my brother’s death.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I started with a counselor through an EAP (employee assistance program), then I worked with this person regularly outside of that assistance. Lost&Found provides a lot of training and resources about how to help build healthy coping skills, so I’ve slowly been implementing new strategies into my life.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
I think the biggest thing we can do is recognize that mental health is health. Someone suffering from anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, etc. should be given the same grace as someone with the stomach flu. Just because others don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. That mentality is the hardest thing to overcome, even within my own family sometimes.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
It’s okay to not be okay, but remember to ask for help when you need it.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I am a three-time suicide attempt survivor. Due to a military sexual assault and two molestations shortly after, I got PTSD and felt I couldn’t live with myself. My first attempt cost me my military career. My second attempt cost me my first marriage. My third attempt cost me my family for a long time. After that, I worked on my trauma through therapy and support groups. I am now co-founder and president of Empire Mental Health Support here in Sioux Falls. I owe it to the VA for understanding PTSD and military sexual trauma. Today I want to live. I have grandchildren I want to see grow up, graduate, get married, and have children of their own. Suicide is the furthest idea from my mind. I am worthy, therefore I must live!
Ps
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
SMART Recovery, NAMI, and Empire Mental Health Support.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
Using mental illness against criminals during mass shootings instead of criminal behavior. The truth is people with mental illness are more likely to harm themselves rather than harm others.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
As far back as I can remember, I didn’t feel safe. I felt anxious, depressed, and like I was walking on eggshells. When you combine this with the intense pressure to perform academically, socially, and physically, I was a ticking time bomb. No one was talking about mental health in the early 2000s, so I thought the way I felt was normal. How can I be checking all these “good” boxes and still feel this way? My suicidal ideations became more frequent in my early 20s, when I turned to anything to feel a glimpse of happiness as a coping mechanism. By 25 those ideations turned to action. After years of counseling, medication, and addiction services, I am now free from those chains!
Ps
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
At 22, I started seeing a psychologist and began my 5–year journey of trial and error for medications. I started seeing a therapist at 25, and that changed my life in a huge way. I still see her! At 29 I gave up alcohol officially, and have been sober for two years. I am now off my medications and have never felt better!
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
STOP THE COMPARISONS. Social media can be a beautiful way to connect, but can also be so nasty. You are the average of the content you consume, and who you surround yourself with. Start consuming POSITIVE content, with POSITIVE people, and watch your life flourish. I also know people use social media as a coping mechanism; to get attention, validation from others, to avoid arguing with their spouse, to escape from their screaming kids. If you face your feelings head on, and sit with them, you will unlock a new level of you! But it’s effing hard.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I was assaulted by a superior in the workforce, leading to suicidal ideation that resulted in forming suicide plans and a brief moment when I considered acting on those plans. Because of the hope and resiliency offered by colleagues, family, and my therapist, I utilized my safety plan. For those who have not heard of a safety plan, it is a plan formulated for folks for whom suicidal ideation is a reoccurring happening. A safety plan allows the person suffering from ideation to reach out to a safe individual who will talk them through things or intervene in supportive, lifesaving ways.
For me, this was a conversation with my spouse about my ideation that ended with the understanding that I was not in a place to take action regarding the assault. Eventually, I was encouraged by the people offering me support to take action as a way to facilitate healing from the incident. That action, in this instance, was informing the denominational leaders (this was a church leader) of the incident, writing a full report of what had happened (this was a painful but important step in my healing), and then naming my expectations in regard to what systemic accountability might look like. At the start of this reporting, I thought that some form of education for the perpetrator and an apology would help me feel some form of resolution. After a year of journaling, therapy, and other healing practices, I’ve come to believe that only I can create the internal resolution that will help me continue taking steps forward.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Some of the things that I have used to begin healing from the assaultare talk therapy, safety planning, somatic healing, and grounding. I’m what’s considered an internal processor, meaning I typically think all my thoughts and let them run through my mind until I feel comfortable sharing them…but after the trauma of assault that was not a helpful mode, and so I began talk therapy, allowing space for my thoughts to happen and then leave. I also began using two intentional somatic healing practices, massage therapy and touch therapy. It is true that our bodies, as well as our minds, hold on to the experiences we have in life, and I was triggered regularly after my assault because my spouse looks very similar to the perpetrator, so my body was in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze, or faint leading me to seek out a massage therapist regularly to work the muscles as well as asking my husband to engage in touch therapy, which is a form of non-sexual touching that allows my brain and body to gain understanding that I’m not in danger when this human is near.
On my own, I also utilized the practice of grounding as a way to help with the healing process. My spiritual director is trained in forest therapy and offered instruction as well as education on the benefits that come with grounding oneself in nature. I made it a daily practice, before my journaling, to pour myself a cup of coffee and step out onto my backyard barefoot so that I could be physically reminded that the world is vast,and while my experience of assault matters, there is more to life and more to me than that experience.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
Following this assault, I benefitted by having the full support of my boss and colleague, and it was with their encouragement that I gained the courage to report the assault. The system that negatively affected my mental health the most was the ways in which the denomination lays out a policy of reporting. There was a lack of trauma-informed individuals to host the eventual interviews (I spoke twice with a committee that was tasked with investigating the report of assault). These individuals questioned my character to the point that they asked one of my character references if I had ever talked about or cheated on my spouse before. They consistently blamed me throughout the interview, asking what I was wearing, if I had been drinking, and ways that I could have spoken differently to make the perpetrator not want to assault me. The interviewers were seeking out the intention behind the assault rather than understanding that the actions themselves were harmful, regardless of the intent.
Reflecting back on the situation, I can also see that I needed support to report the incident because I have been assaulted and harassed in previous stages of my life and have not been believed. Even now, there is a sort of helplessness in me, due to the fact that nothing was done in regard to the report of assault after the investigation. It is a challenge to endure assault in the workplace, made even more difficult by companies and organizations that don’t have clearly laid out plans of action. And to take that thought and expand it to the impact on mental health, organizations and workplaces that can’t offer mental health days, refuse to offer them, or that create a culture that stigmatizes what they may offer can be deadly to the people who are in need of time away from the place where they experienced trauma.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Even when, especially when, you can’t see someone struggling…they are.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
About 10 years ago I went through a painful divorce that led me to think some pretty unhealthy thoughts. I was between jobs, only saw my kids for a fraction of the time I used to from being separated, and I felt so isolated. I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel as additional challenges came my way. I remember going through this dark time, and it was hard to get out of bed.
All seemed hopeless.
But when I stopped to consider my thoughts and possible actions, I began to realize how selfish my thinking was, and that if my unhealthy thoughts turned to actions, my very young daughters would be left without a father to help them in life. My actions would result in a downstream catastrophe that I did not want to be a part of. My daughters deserved better than that.
I soon realized that my current situation was not something I would allow myself to be identified with. There was hope the whole time—I just wasn’t looking hard enough. There was more life for me to be a part of.
I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and to put others first. I renewed my faith, started going to church and even volunteered my time at church so I could think less about poor me and instead focus on how I could help others. I also started journaling.
As you might expect, life did get better. A few years later I met an amazing woman and soon-to-be stepmother, and I can put the past behind me. Today I’m in a much better place where I am still a work in progress, but still progressing and still growing, even at 54.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Journaling was a big resource for me. Faith and stoicism were other resources I turned to. Some therapy was also involved. I may get a tattoo of the Stoic phrase Amor Fati (lover of fate). It is the embrace of your fate, even if things go bad, because we learn from our mistakes and failures. If we see past failures as learning times, then we can come out on the other side a better person.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
We can work to build resilience when we remember our loved ones over ourselves and what we have to contribute, regardless of how worthless we may think we are at times. Sometimes we have to be beyond ourselves, which isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it in the end. Put reminders up (like tattoos) to remind yourself of where you’ve been and where you want to go!
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
You are not a failure. Failure is an event that you experienced.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
For much of my life, achieving and succeeding was the recipe to soothe my anxiety. I was always just some planning, prepping, practicing, and obsessing away from another win. And surely if I won enough (awards, good grades, positions, grants) then that pit in my stomach would go away. This approach worked for quite a while — until it didn’t.
Even though I’ve struggled with anxiety and its close sibling, depression, for much of my life, I especially suffered during my two pregnancies and postpartum. Then in 2020, the anxiety and depression became severe and accompanied by PTSD when our second child, a daughter named Lenore Antonia Sutton, died because of brain trauma from a knot in her umbilical cord.
I was very physically unwell during both my pregnancies, and after our first son was born, I was diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune condition. I struggled to eat or sleep and to generally take care of myself. This is a recipe for mental and emotional difficulty for me, and it was extra hard with my second pregnancy when I had an active 4-year-old who needed his mom. For both pregnancies, I headed into the postpartum period exhausted and depleted.
Between my first and second pregnancies, I was able to work on my physical well-being enough to continue my patterned coping mechanisms mostly successfully. I dabbled in talk therapy, but only attended a few sessions and felt like I was managing.
Toward the end of my second pregnancy in July 2020, I had little reason to expect any outcome besides a typical delivery and coming home with a healthy baby. My water broke a few weeks early and I labored for about 36 hours. Our daughter was born on July 8th, but she confusingly wasn’t breathing when she was delivered. The medical team revived her, and she was flown to Sioux Falls. We were hopeful her lungs would develop more, and she would get better.
We spent a week at the NICU, a roller coaster of hope and despair. On July 15th, her dad and I held her and told her stories while she slowly quit breathing. Easily the worst night of our lives.
The brutality of losing a child was debilitating. My anxiety, depression, and PTSD were severe. My feelings of failure and unworthiness were nearly impossible to escape. My regular coping mechanisms were not going work.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
We nearly immediately entered talk therapy as a family, as a couple, and individually. My doctor prescribed a bridge medication for me that helped get me through some of the earliest weeks.
I was able to lean on a network of friends and family for whose love and thoughts and prayers I am endlessly grateful. I was especially thankful for the people who had lost children that reached out to us and the group of local mothers who had had similar experiences making space for grieving together.
I also found much purpose in a community project that would honor our Lenny, and I found my way back to myself with re-embodiment practices like weight lifting, walking in nature, and making rest a top priority. In so many ways, gifts and wisdom I dreamed of giving to my daughter have actually been given to me through grieving and healing.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Understanding ourselves and processing our emotions is difficult, important work. Understanding our family’s stories and patterns, where we have gaps in our needs being met, and how to regulate our nervous systems will create more resilient families and communities. We owe this work to ourselves, to each other, and to our children.
South Dakotans need access to trusted, affordable resources and services to be able to do this work. Those who are elected to represent us have a duty to solve access issues. We also cannot lose focus on co-occurring factors like poverty, lack of housing, and lack of access to any healthcare in building resiliency.
And all of this depends on us recognizing how much we need each other. We need relationships, family, friendship, and community. We need to take care of ourselves, and we need to take care of each other.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
I had an ‘aha’ moment several years ago when I learned that excessive irritability is a sign of depression. I (like I think many others) thought of depression as sadness. But I immediately noticed those patterns of irritability in myself and some people close to me. I hope that can be an ‘aha’ moment for someone else too.
Listen to the latest episode of Great Minds with Lost&Found, featuring a conversation with Billie Sutton and Kelsea Kenzy Sutton!
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My name is Billie Sutton. I am a former professional rodeo cowboy, state senator, and 2018 candidate for governor of South Dakota. I’m a husband, father, financial professional, and rancher. My story is about trauma, loss, and perseverance.
I grew up on my family ranch in rural Burke, South Dakota – population 600. I still live there today because I love Burke and the way of life I learned here. I started riding horses as early as I can remember. I fell in love with horses and with rodeo. My childhood dream was to be a world champion rodeo cowboy, and I worked really hard to make it happen.
My senior year of high school, I finished second in the nation in saddle bronc riding at the National High Schools Finals Rodeo. That earned me a full ride to the University of Wyoming on a rodeo scholarship. I went on to be the all-time top points scorer at UW and started rodeoing professionally. Rodeo was my plan for the future. My dream was to make it to the National Finals Rodeo, and I was on my way. I didn’t know I would soon face a challenge much harder than all my years of training and traveling as an athlete.
It was October 4, 2007. I was 23 years old, had been rodeoing professionally for a few years, and was competing at the Badlands Circuit Finals Rodeo in Minot, North Dakota.
I had drawn a horse named Ruby. I got in the chute, just like any other ride. But before I could nod my head to open the chute, Ruby flipped over on me, slamming my back against the chute gate. Ruby stood up. And I knew I had broken my back. I was instantly paralyzed from the waist down.
From that day on, everything would change.
When I woke up in a hospital in Minneapolis, I remember thinking about how I had my whole life planned out. Even at 23, I had been sure how it was going to go. I was going to be a world champion bronc rider and one day return home to run the family ranch.
But, instead, now I was being told that I would never ride bucking horses again. That I likely would never walk again. That was the most sobering moment of my life.
It was often a dark and difficult path. Full of uncertainty, frustration, jealousy, and anger.
Only with a wide and deep support network did I realize my spinal cord injury was something I could and would overcome. Despite many moments of despair, people who loved me, a sense of community, and my faith ultimately sustained me and gave me hope for the future.
I’ve gone on to finish college, get married, pursue a beautiful career in financial services and government, start a leadership nonprofit, and best of all – make a family. I want everyone to have the resources and support I did when I got hurt, and I’ll never stop working on building a world where that is possible.
I had thought (perhaps naively) that my spinal cord injury would be the hardest thing I’d ever face. But in 2020, I once again needed the support of so many people to help grieve the loss of our baby daughter, Lenore Antonia. She lived with us for just one week, and on the seventh day, my wife and I held her while she took her last breaths.
Lenny was all our best dreams, and we could never live without her if we weren’t told so many times by so many people that we are loved and we aren’t alone. We found purpose in helping build Lenny’s Lilly Pad at the Burke City Park – a place to remember her and many other children our community has lost too young. We found healing in the most precious gift of twin boys from our friend and surrogate earlier this spring. We have found a way to walk that most difficult path and hold grief and hope together.
If we can surround ourselves with people that love and support us, and lean into that support, I’ve found struggles like mine can make us stronger. They can teach us how to keep hope by living the values of empathy, thoughtfulness, kindness, and understanding.
I hope you too always persevere, overcome adversity, and never give up.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Family was the biggest resource, but I have also gone to counseling at Rising Hope Counseling, LLC, in Burke South Dakota. Talking about my loss helped me a lot.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Tell your story. It is healing to tell your story, and it can help others to hear your story. It will also build understanding and empathy. Everyone goes through struggles in life, and we need to understand that we are not alone. Often times people do not know that we are struggling, but if we talk about those struggles it can bring healing and help.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
No one is immune to struggling with mental health, and we are not alone in those struggles.
Listen to the latest episode of Great Minds with Lost&Found, featuring a conversation with Billie Sutton and Kelsea Kenzy Sutton!
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life. I didn’t grow up in a family that talked about our mental health, and I was always encouraged to ignore my struggles. When I was in college, I became actively suicidal and knew it was time to reach out for help. I was able to connect with a therapist and a doctor who both prescribed life-changing medications for me and helped me through therapy for the very first time. That experience helped me understand the importance of not only taking care of myself, but of seeking help from professionals. I decided to enter a career in mental health myself. I finished my master’s degree in mental health counseling at my alma mater and moved to Sioux Falls where I landed in a job where I had the opportunity to counsel young women, many teenagers, who were mothers for the very first time. That experience shaped my entire professional career: my heart is with women and children, and everything I’ve done professionally in the past 20 years can be traced back to those early experiences in the mental health field.
When I was 29 years old, I became pregnant with my daughter. I didn’t fully understand the impact of postpartum depression and anxiety until I experienced it myself. Once again, I experienced suicidal ideation and serious bouts of depression. However, this time I knew where and how to ask for help. I was able to find a therapist in Sioux Falls who helped me cope with my depression and attach to my daughter in a healthy way. I’m the mother I am today because of her guidance and support.
My own experiences with depression and anxiety have helped me be a better support to others. That being said, my kids and I would not be where we are right now—happy, healthy, and thriving—without the support of mental health professionals and lifesaving medications. Please don’t be afraid to seek help.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
My primary care doctor was critical in connecting me to the right medication for me.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
By both asking for help when we need it and helping others when they ask for help.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Medication doesn’t change your personality. It provides balance.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I imagine there isn’t one mental healthcare provider who doesn’t fear losing a client or patient to suicide. For me, being in the unique position of another person entrusting me with their mental healthcare and therapeutic journey is an honor and a sacred space. Over the years I have treated many individuals who have experienced depressive episodes that included suicidal ideation or more acute urges or behaviors related to suicidal attempts.
One of the most meaningful memories I have of walking this journey with a client was during my pre-licensure hours working in an employee assistance program. I was an inexperienced provider and working on developing skills and competency as a mental health counselor. A woman contacted our agency who was experiencing acute suicidal ideation. As I proceeded to conduct a needs assessment, or asking questions to determine the level of care she needed, I found myself more deeply connected to the pain and concern behind her initial feelings of wanting to end her life. Like most beginning therapists, clients don’t realize that they help the therapist to a greater or equal degree than the therapist helps them. By the end of our call, we had established a plan for support and the client was stabilized. It was during those moments that I learned for the first time that I didn’t have to fear another person’s desire to want to die due to their suffering, I just needed to be present with it and hear their story and empathetically bear witness to their pain.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
As a licensed mental health counselor, it is extremely important to understand the differences between suicidal ideation that is routinely experienced during acute episodes of clinical depression—e.g., “I wouldn’t mind not waking up today”—and an actual plan to carry out the act of ending one’s life. The latter requires mandatory reporting and action to save another person’s life. Patients sometimes fear being reported if they talk about having suicidal ideation, which alone is a common symptom of depression. Creating a safe space for clients to talk about all aspects of depression is critical to managing depression and ultimately curbing thoughts of self-harm or ending one’s life.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Some individuals are more prone to having resilience than others. Research has consistently shown that resilience is more innate in some than others for reasons we do not yet scientifically understand. That being said, research has also shown that resilience can be developed. As a mental health therapist, I am a proponent of working with a professional mental healthcare provider to learn and develop skills of resilience for those who don’t possess high degrees of this innately. While fragile, the human condition is inherently oriented toward a potential for growth.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
When I was only 4 years old, I lost my father to cancer. Following the loss, my grandpa sexually assaulted me until the age of 12 when I came forward with what was happening. About a year and a half later, one of my best friends attempted suicide. After seeing how that affected everyone around us, it really opened my eyes to how important it is to go to therapy regularly and talk about your problems and thoughts. At the age of 22, I was raped by someone I considered a good friend. Ever since the traumas I have been through, I have struggled with mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Going to therapy regularly and not just when I’m doing bad.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I have dealt with depression, anxiety, and bipolar 2 disorder since I was in middle school. Throughout my education, I have had periods in which my depressive phases last longer than normal or hit a little harder due to the level of stress I am under.
One of my depressive phases during my LPN program really took a toll on my day-to-day life and my academic career. Every little thing I needed to complete on a normal day-to-day basis felt like it was too much to handle. The thought of even taking a shower felt overwhelming. My professors reached out because I had missed a few classes, and I had started to get behind on my assignments. I normally have a multitude of different tactics I use to prevent myself from spiraling too far down the rabbit hole, but this time those techniques didn’t work. I was emotionally all over the place.
At first, I was embarrassed to ask for help or even admit I was struggling. Once my professors reached out to Jessi, the school counselor, I figured it was time to get help before my academic career suffered. I finally called my provider after two weeks of severe depression and notified him of my recent issues. He decided to increase some of dosages of medication and schedule a few extra appointments to check in with me. After that, I met with Jessi weekly to help keep me accountable, and if I didn’t show up to my appointment, she would text me to check in. All of my resources stayed in contact with each other to ensure I was getting everything back on track.
Looking back now, had it not been for all my resources, I could have failed out of the program. Fast forward a year, and I am now finishing my RN degree. Although I still have days where I don’t feel 100%, having those resources in my corner helps me feel better prepared to combat the bad days.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I was able to reach out to Lake Area Technical College’s campus counselor. Jessi was able to meet with me on a weekly basis until I felt I was in a better place. Jessi was also able to communicate with my professors to ensure a judgement-free zone while I worked through my depressive episodes. I also worked with Dr. James Chiu from Sioux Falls, S.D., to adjust my medications to a dose that worked better for the time being. During my depressive episodes, I kept in contact with Heidi, my vocational rehabilitation specialist. She was able to help advocate for my situation with LATC and provide an extra sounding board when I needed to talk. My biggest resource was my family. They helped get me up and moving on days that I had no motivation. They encouraged me to get outside and took time out of their days to remind me someone cares.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
There are bound to be days where we don’t feel 100%. It is important to recognize our emotions, process why we feel that way, and make a plan for how to handle those emotions in the future.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood. An empty lantern won’t provide light. Self-care is the fuel that lets your lantern glow brightly.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I think I’ve struggled with some form of depression dating back to my teen years, long before I was diagnosed. Having survived forms of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse growing up, I found it hard to learn how to properly manage my emotions. I was ashamed to discuss what was going on with anyone, so instead I chose to bottle everything. This led me to develop some unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as cutting. I remember feeling so lost and utterly alone. I was blissfully unaware of what a healthy relationship looked like, causing me to enter several toxic relationships. All I knew is that it felt good to be seen.
Most of my past partners suffered from some form of addiction, and me being the “fixer” that I am, I believed it was my job to help them. In doing this, I lost sight of myself. I stopped taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. While I knew that everyone has their faults in a relationship, I was conditioned to believe that I was crazy for feeling a certain a way or that things were always my fault. I became very overwhelmed with the situation and fell into a deep depression, causing my work and personal relationships to suffer. Feeling that I had no way out, I attempted to take my own life. Obviously not having been successful, I felt an enormous sense of guilt reaching out for help.
Looking back, I can honestly say that I am so thankful I am still here. Developing a strong support system for me was key, as well as therapy and medication management. Hard times will always exist; I am confident now that I will be able to make it through and know that I don’t need to do it on my own.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I developed a support system that I could rely on when I am having dark thoughts, people I could talk to without fear of judgement. Therapy was key for me in order to process some of the emotions that I never really took the time to deal with. I also had to work through my aversion to taking medication and learn that it was ok to do what was necessary to keep me healthy and happy.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Making sure alternative resources are out there for people who may not have close friends or family to turn to. Loved ones should not take it personally when they cannot help someone feel better. Instead, just be there for that person in any way they will allow. A little understanding goes a long way and people that seek help want to do so without the fear of being judged.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
No two situations are the same. While someone may have many things to be thankful for, they may still be struggling internally. Never assume someone’s situation, and act with kindness in your heart.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I struggled with suicidal thoughts for the majority of my life. Once I got to college, they got so much worse. I felt so lost and so alone with how I was feeling. I have such a great life. I have amazing family and friends. “I shouldn’t be feeling like this” is what I thought. So, I did not tell anybody. That eventually led me to my first suicide attempt.
It was only then I realized how much people care. There were people who wanted to be there for me and help. It was okay to ask for help. There are people in this community who want to see me get better.
But at the same time while I was in the mental health facility, I noticed a lot of people had no visitors. These people needed someone they could count on. I wanted to change that.
I wish I could say it all got easier after that, but it did not. A few years later I was diagnosed with psychosis, as I struggled very badly with auditory and visual hallucinations. They overtook my life to the point that I really couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what was fake. I felt almost bedridden and as though I was crazy. Through help and medication, I was slowly able to get my life back only to once again struggle with something new. This time it was insomnia. It left me feeling so exhausted to the point I stopped doing school, I couldn’t work out, I couldn’t even walk around my block. I just sat on the couch and felt like a zombie all day. These struggles led to another suicide attempt.
But I am very lucky to say today it’s been over two years since my last attempt, and every day since then has been a slow process of getting better. There is hope. There is healing. Things get better. I can truly say for the first time ever I am excited to be alive and see what this life can bring to me.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I think there are a lot of good resources out there.
After my first suicide attempt, I used Behavioral Health. I currently am at Southeastern Behavioral Health.
There is now a behavioral health emergency service in Sioux Falls.
988 is the new mental health hotline number.
At the WeCan Movement we are holding events to bring people of struggles together. The website allows us to connect with people who need to talk. There are people out there who do want to learn about you and your struggles and help you overcome.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
I think the most important thing is to hold on to a little bit of hope. Life completely turned around for me when I thought to myself, “Hey, maybe I can have a happy life.” When I started to have hope in that, I asked myself, “In order to live a happy life, what would that take every day to make that happen?” It completely changed the way I operate. And once we learn to have hope for ourselves, we can have hope that all of us can heal from our struggles and truly grow. And we can all take a part of the responsibility of helping each other get there.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
I think the most important thing to realize is we really are not alone as we think. There are a lot of us who struggle with things. Although all of our experiences are different, a lot of us struggle with the same things, and as we are more open, we realize we aren’t the only ones with these struggles. There are people with the same struggles as me, and they have continued to overcome these struggles. There is so much power in that.
Check out the latest episode of Great Minds with Lost&Found featuring Jake Danielson:
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My name is Corey Kennedy, and 21 years ago my brother died by suicide. I was 25 at the time, and he was 16. I was very close with Josh and felt that he was someone I had to protect. His death was very, very difficult for me to process as I really didn’t know that there was anything wrong or that there were these feelings of anxiety or depression, especially to this magnitude. I also had to deal with the repercussions of my family falling apart. I had just recently married, and we both really struggled to come back from this loss.
I really wish that I could go back in time and change things and take another opportunity to keep him from being in that situation or give him a place to land and allow him solace to survive that situation. At that time, it was really challenging. This was in the early 2000s, and guys talking about feelings and emotions and things that were beyond just normal processes didn’t happen very much. What I learned was that I had to find a way to communicate, a way to process and find people to talk to. I was fortunate that my friends were supportive and understanding and helped me realize I had to find support. I learned that I can see a counselor and talk about what is happening, and I can try to learn how to follow what I needed to get better, and I learned that I can ask for help—that it is OK to do those things.
I also learned about my own depression and anxiety and my feelings of self-harm and when I get to those points. My life past the loss of Josh has been difficult, and it still creeps up on me sometimes. The feelings that surface sometimes surprise me. I have had dark days, and I have lost a sense of direction for myself, and in this I certainly understand why Josh got to where he got and did what he did, but I also have those resources in place to help me process those things now. I make sure that when I am feeling that way that I let somebody know, and I make sure that I’m not in a place where I’m dealing with that by myself.
In this world, things are always going to create difficult situations for us, but learning how to talk about it and learning how to deal with it and having a network of people in place to help you when you need help is critical. Now that I have learned these things, I am taking the opportunity to learn how to share these things with other people and how to do better by making sure that other people have access to these things, because I couldn’t do that for Josh back then. I hope that he sees that he’s a part of it, and I hope that he is helping me through this journey.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Counseling, suicide prevention organizations, pastors, teachers, coaches, mentors, friends and family. I have a thirst for individual exploration and did a lot of reading self-help books. I also like to write and draw my emotions so I journal and write songs, poems, and books. I also paint, draw, and create art.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
For me, learning that my feelings are not a mistake or wrong, and that we all feel the same feelings and that we can, if we choose to, talk about them with others. Share the experience and learn from each other’s individual journeys to expand our own journey. This often requires help from counselors, mentors, teachers, coaches and other people who have training and experience in talking and offering resources. Commit to wanting change and put in the resources you need to accomplish the change and let it happen.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
We all have these feelings. Your feelings are not wrong. The idea that you cannot talk about certain things is ridiculous. Find a way to express what is inside that is causing you pain and set it free.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I have struggled with my mental health just about my entire life. I grew up being bullied heavily. It caused me to hate myself and the literal dark skin I was in. I thought I was ugly and wasn’t meant for life on this earth. Why wouldn’t I believe it—my peers were telling me this every single day. The bullying was so bad, that I was beaten with a baseball bat and thrown in the trash can, and told I was too ugly to live.
Even today, I struggle from time to time with loving myself. When I met real friends in college, they poured into me and really made me see the value in my life. They loved me, and I loved them back. For years I was on the right track in regard to my mental health. I had found the right antidepressants to aid in mood stabilization and anxiety, and I was really doing a great job at utilizing my coping skills.
That was until it became unbearable at work. It was bad. I wouldn’t wish those conditions on my worst enemy. In the midst of those issues, a tumor was found on my ovaries (the first of many). After having surgery (again, the first of many), my doctor shared that I would probably never be able to have children. I was devastated. I began to spiral. Then one day, I packed up my apartment, wrote notes to my family, took some pills, then called my mom to tell her I loved her.
That call saved my life. Had I not called to share that I was struggling, I wouldn’t be here today. I will never forget the pain in my mother’s voice to hear her child struggling. I never want to hear that again. She is my why. She is why I fight every day. And even though we are thousands of miles apart, I carry her with me, always.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I have regularly seen a therapist since middle school. Talking with my family and having an accountability partner who pays attention when I seem withdrawn has also helped.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
We have to dismantle the stigma associated with mental health. More people would be willing to share their struggles if they weren’t worried about being judged or treated negatively.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
I can’t just make myself feel better. It’s not a light switch I can turn back on. Stop minimizing my experiences but support and continue to encourage me.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
Growing up gay in rural Indiana is not something that I would recommend—especially when compounded with religious fundamentalism. For most of my life, I felt I could not live as my authentic self. Religion told me that being gay was not an option, and I tried for a long time to change that about myself. I entrenched myself in religious gatherings—church on Sundays, youth group on Sunday and Wednesday. Figuring out sexuality in a rural community is never easy, and I felt so alone. I felt taken advantage of by older men who preyed on my uncertainty. I felt so much shame and regret.
I was bullied my entire middle school experience and much of my high school. My bullies were both relentlessly cruel and surprisingly inventive. Everyone thought I was gay and made fun of me for it. I desperately wanted to admit the truth, but never could. There were many times I considered taking my life—I felt a lot of pain and wanted to end it.
At 18, I went through a form of conversion therapy—something to try to change my sexuality. Two intense sessions of prayer, quasi-counseling, and battling the “demon of homosexuality” tried to convince me I was straight. I went through these various forms of conversion therapy for the next six years. Group therapy in college coupled with quasi-counseling and prayer sessions in churches. I tried dating women in high school and college to turn myself “straight.”
Throughout this time, my mental health suffered. I always felt as though I was inherently bad and evil. I was made to believe that being gay was the result of a demon—and that I was the one that kept inviting it into my life. I went through one last round of conversion therapy at the age of 24 while working as a youth pastor at a church. I officially came out as gay in February of 2016. This time was simultaneously horrible and liberating.
After coming out, the church I worked at sent a letter to all the parents and leaders stating I had chosen to “follow the ways of the world.” Some family members did not contact me for months. I lost almost all friendships and relationships. Though this was traumatic, coming out began the process of healing. I found a community of people that supported me—that validated my feelings. I began therapy—real therapy—to address the trauma the church had caused. Finally, I was able to live authentically.
There are still days I wrestle with the trauma of conversion therapy and feelings of low self-worth. I probably have an existential crisis daily. However, the healing I have found through a strong community, especially with Sioux Falls Pride and other LGBTQ+ and Two-Spirit organizations, has been tremendous. Going to therapy—real therapy—has helped to lessen the PTSD experienced by religion and conversion therapy. Therapy has helped me to know that my authentic self was worth expressing. It lifted the burden of shame and regret by informing me that these were feelings placed on me by others. Through a lot of growth and self-reflection, I have been able to address my mental health in positive ways with the help of a strong community of people.
Though there are still days when trauma and low self-worth creep into my mind, I am now in a space where I can feel those emotions, address them, and continue to live an authentic life. To me, the ability to live authentically as myself has been the most healing process. I can be fully who I am and know that others will love me for it.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Mental health therapy has helped me address my mental health in extremely positive ways. Organizations like Sioux Falls Pride and other LGBTQ+ and Two-Spirit nonprofits have helped as well.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
One of the best ways to build resilience for me is the idea of authentic living. Being able to express ourselves authentically is crucial to resilience. Encouraging this in others will help our loved ones and communities as well. As a community, we must be willing to allow others freedom of expressing their authentic selves, and welcome and embrace them. Be willing to have conversations and really get to know people.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
I wish that everyone could understand that mental health affects everyone. We are never alone—and there are resources to help.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I experienced my first panic attack at the age 24 at the beginning of my professional career. As someone in the behavioral health field, I was investing in my clients and my work, striving to ensure individuals were not afraid to reach out and that they had access to the resources they needed, but I was not in turn investing in myself. My mental health continued to decline, and I would go on to experience more panic attacks, debilitating anxiety and depression. I was unable to fulfill my duties at work and home, and my personal relationships were suffering. For so long I operated under the perception that as someone working in the behavioral health field, I was not worthy of therapy, and there were others that needed it more. It wasn’t until I was 30 years old that I finally decided to seek help.
Over the next year, through a combination of therapy, medication and prioritizing self-care, I started to feel like myself again, but halfway through my pregnancy with my first child, my anxiety and depression returned, and I felt the lowest I had ever been. As I approach three weeks postpartum, my mental health has continued to wane with the unique challenges faced during this period. Not only am I trying to care for myself, but now my daughter also. During this time, I have come to realize how important it is to continue to prioritize taking my medication daily, engage in self-care, surround myself with support and reach out for help when I need it. Taking care of my mental health takes work every day, and with each day, good or bad, I learn a little more about myself and what I need to cope with my anxiety and depression.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I accessed mental health services through my Employee Assistance Program (EAP). This was an easy way for me to find a therapist and access services without having to worry about costs of therapy initially.
I found a primary care provider who listened and validated my feelings, and worked with me collaboratively to decide on the best route to treating my anxiety and depression with medication. They have never been dismissive and have always been patient in finding what works best for me.
I was open and honest about my mental health with friends and family. Any time I would share my struggles, I found many would share their own struggles with me in return, allowing us to further dialogue and support one another.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Encouraging open dialogue surrounding mental health, sharing our own personal stories and hope for recovery, in addition to familiarizing ourselves with resources and offering them to those who may need it.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I was born to parents who were addicted to drugs and alcohol, and a mother who was physically abusive and neglectful. I was taken away at 3 years old, after going through a rape, abuse for multiple years, and my siblings overdosing on my medications. I was put into the foster care system where I was raped repeatedly by an uncle. We, my siblings and I, were removed from my aunt and uncle, and taken in by my grandparents after my biological parents signed away their rights.
Shortly after moving there, severe abuse, neglect, and anger problems started. Both of my grandparents had very strict rules and often beat us for random reasons. Around the age of 7, I remember I started to feel depressed and attempted suicide for the first time. My sister walked in on me and convinced me to stop. I also started picking at my scalp as a way to self-harm. At the age of 8, I was diagnosed with depression. My grandmother was a retired LPN, so often times when I hurt myself or tried to kill myself where I needed medical attention, she handled it herself, as I was too young to understand how to “correctly” kill myself.
At the age of 12, I was finally taken away from my grandparents, who had adopted us in 2007. We were put back up for adoption and moved from Chamberlain to Fort Pierre. I ended up continuing to threaten to kill myself, as well as self-harm, so I was sent to HSC in Yankton, SD. I was there for a month and then sent back to Fort Pierre. However, treatment did not help, and I continued to hurt myself and ran away twice. I also assaulted my foster mom and destroyed much of be belongings. When I was being arrested, I kicked at the cop trying to arrest me. I was charged with two assault charges and a property damage charge and sentenced to mandatory treatment.
I was sent to Abbott House, where I lived for 1 year, 10 months, and 18 days. I successfully left the program and moved into their foster homes in December of 2013. During my time in the foster homes, I began to struggle again when my great grandmother died. The last time I ever hurt myself or someone else was October 30th, 2016. I had attacked my foster home out of anger, then attempted suicide. I was taken to Abbott House for three days and then moved to a different foster home. It was there that patience, love, understanding, and logic helped me overcome the trauma of the past and let go of those thoughts and urges to hurt myself and others. I was able to go to college, where I graduated with an associate’s degree in human services and went back to work for Abbott House. I have had a few slip-ups over the years where I was tempted to kill myself or self-harm, but I used the coping skills I was taught and my support system to help battle them. I have been clean for almost six years, and I plan to stay clean for the rest of my life.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Treatment at Abbott House; medications to address my depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder; continued therapy; foster parents who were patient, kind, understanding, and loving; Avera Behavioral Health (I went there in December of 2021, where I was diagnosed with BPD); writing poetry; and self-help workbooks.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
People struggling with similar issues I faced need someone who is patient, understanding, loving, and does not pressure them to talk, but lets them know they are there when they are ready to talk. There needs to be a lack of judgment for how they are feeling and coping, no matter how “positive” or “negative” the coping skill is. They also need honesty. For me, when someone was honest and upfront about how difficult it would be to overcome what I went through, but let me know they would be there every step of the way, I had faith and hope. And when I was told to “get over it,” that I was “dramatic,” that I “needed help,” or told that it’s “easy to move on,” I felt discouraged and misunderstood.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
You cannot just “get better.” People who struggle with self-harm, suicide, or mental health will have good and bad days. You just have to be there no matter what and help them through.
Check out the Great Minds with Lost&Found episode featuring Cherokee:
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I lost a close friend to suicide.
When I first met him, I pegged him as a wild child who liked to have fun. He was always the life of every party and held a room with all of his adventurous stories. He was one of those people that you just never really knew what to expect when he was around. Through our conversations we learned that our grandmas were actually really close friends. We spent day trips bonding with each other and our families.
It was a difficult time when he later lost his grandma, as he was very close with her. I knew that he had been going through some hard times with his girlfriend and still processing losing his grandma, so I gave him a call one night. He did not answer the first time, but called me back about 20 minutes later. I answered the phone in an upbeat fashion, and it was returned with the most broken sob saying “Adaya.” He always was a very put-together, strong guy, so I was taken off guard. I sat on the phone and talked with him, trying to calm him down. He lived in a different town than me, so I was unable to go see him that late at night. I remember just sitting and not knowing what to do. He wanted to get off the phone, so I asked him if he was in a safe place. He said he was home and then hung up.
I texted him the next morning to check and see how he was doing, and he said not great. He didn’t show up to work. And then I never heard from him again. I remember finding out I had lost him when I checked my phone while doing homework on my living room floor. I could not believe it. It took a little bit before we found out if it was true or not. I felt responsible for all the things I could have, should have done. The “what ifs” were eating at me day after day. I struggled with PTSD, trust issues, self-harm and ideation while trying to cope with the grief. The only way I knew how to grieve was to act like I had it all together, ignore the problem, don’t let anyone see you hurt, and I was so wrong.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Therapy: After about 8 months of trying to hide my pain and not being myself, I got to the point with my mental health where I was starting to scare myself. After researching and a few phone calls, I had my first appointment with my therapist. He was very open and made me feel very comfortable and safe. He was very clear that therapy works only if I wanted to be there. Yes, he pushed me and made me uncomfortable at times, but he also made me grow into a more self-aware person, and taught me how to better manage stress. He diagnosed me with PTSD, and explained how it was impacting me so I could better deal with the “triggers” that come up in everyday life.
Lost&Found Advocates: I also went through the Lost&Found Advocates program that helped to make me more aware of my and others’ mental health. It helped create a foundation of resilience and gave me a community that I was safe to express my struggles in.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
We need to talk more about mental health, especially with our midwestern culture regarding mental health. I didn’t take it seriously or think anything of it prior to my friend’s death. I thought talking about it made me “weaker” in today’s society, but it actually does the opposite. It takes a lot of courage to be that vulnerable. To be resilient, you have to be willing to ask for help when you need it. Resilience is recognizing you are stronger than you think you are, but also knowing your limitations and when it is time to step back for yourself. It is going to look different for everyone, as we are all coming from different walks of life.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Regarding suicide, it is extremely difficult for those that are struggling with it. It is also extremely difficult for those that the victim ends up leaving behind. Even though you may not think so, you have a ripple effect on everyone around you—for good, bad, or otherwise. A small act of kindness, a gentle word, or a helping hand could very easily be saving someone’s life long enough for them to get help.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My story is about both resilience and clarity. Often, resilience is built before clarity can be built, even though it would make much more sense to have clarity first to build resilience. Resilience is not normally a word I would use to describe myself or typically think of or see in myself. But through all the years I’ve struggled with mental health issues, it’s exactly what I’ve learned to become.
My story starts at too young an age. Childhood trauma, sexual abuse, grief from losing my father, grandparents, brothers, and more—all before I was 10. Not knowing how to cope or deal with loss and grief as a child led to repression and hiding my emotions and true self. I was always quiet, sometimes even unable to say more than yes, no, or I don’t know. This repression led to not knowing myself or letting others know myself, including my family.
My young mind soon began to fill with negative thoughts—“I’m worthless. I must be doing this all wrong. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t want to be here. I can’t keep this up. I should be happy. I should be normal.” And so much more. The negative thoughts, repression, and trauma led to some of the symptoms that would later be diagnosed as PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder/suicidal ideation, eating disorders, self-injurious behavior, addiction, insomnia, borderline personality disorder, and ADHD. I’ve struggled with eating disorders, constant self-harm, and addictive behaviors and actions, all starting when I was 8-11 years old.
My first suicide attempt was in 2010 at age 12. By the age of 18, I had attempted to take my life 21 times. Between college and present day, it became another 15 times, the most recent being St. Patrick’s Day 2022. Through middle/high school, while I was struggling with not fitting in and constant thoughts of suicide, I thought it was obvious I had depression/anxiety. I didn’t realize that it could be more than depression/anxiety. I did my best to try to fix myself. I didn’t reach out for help, and I hid all of my thoughts and feelings from family, friends, and doctors. I put a smile on my face and became known for always having a glowing, bubbly personality and always being happy. I showed up for school with that famous smile, mere hours after spending the whole night alone in my bedroom planning to not wake up again.
The first time I finally did reach out, I was in college. I began counseling and started medication for depression, and eventually anxiety too. At first, I was so excited that I was being heard, I didn’t realize the medications I was on weren’t working for me. It was my first time on medication and my first time reaching out, so not only were others proud of me for getting help, I was also proud of myself. But the medications went from not working, to making my depression worse and increasing my suicidal thoughts. After all of those years of not reaching out, now that I had, I still didn’t know how to be honest with myself or with my doctors and counselors. My suicidal thoughts were at an all-time high, and my mind was telling me I was a failure from all of my past attempts that didn’t work. I was now planning again, but thought I had to try something new.
At this point, my non-religious queer self decided to join a conservative Christian-based college group so that I could join them on a spring break trip to the ocean. The ocean has always been such a peaceful, free, and open place in my mind. This would be the perfect place to finally change my life, and it did just that. I did follow-through with the attempt; however, right at the end I snapped out of it and did a complete 180. Instead of wanting to take my life, I realized I wanted to take control of my life and finally start living.
Most of my life, especially as a child, I always felt like I had no control. I realized a lot of my early suicide attempts were based on finally having a way to feel in control of something. When I was in the ocean that day, it was free, open, and beautiful. However, it was not at all peaceful during that trip. The weather had been bad each day, and there were people even out monitoring the beaches letting visitors know it was not safe to swim due to the waves and high winds. I didn’t listen and swam out farther than was allowed. I felt I was in this weird state of control—I WAS in control because I chose to go on this trip, I got to Florida, and I decided to go into the ocean in the mental state that I was in. I also was NOT in control—the ocean was. I could swim and stay afloat for the most part, but the waves were stronger than me. When I snapped out of it, I really snapped out of it. I got up and started attempting to swim back, and that’s when one of my friends realized how far out I was. They met me part of the way back and convinced me to go inside with them to make sure I was okay.
Shortly after, that same friend made a simple comment that made a huge impact: “You know, sometimes depression meds can actually increase suicidal thoughts.” A simple conversation about mental health was the last push I needed to get more help. Between that conversation, my attempt, and finally being honest with my doctors, I was able to switch medications and found something that worked better for me. This is where clarity started to come into play and became an important role in understanding myself and keeping my resilience strong.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Persistence in getting the right diagnosis: After the first couple medication switches, I was doing better, but still not great. Through more time, and continued treatment, my doctors and therapists, along with family and friends started to notice additional symptoms of mine that didn’t fall under just depression and anxiety: poor self-image, addiction, continued suicidal thoughts, age regression, recklessness, self-destructive habits, inability to focus, and not being able to fall asleep, which eventually turned into not being able to stay awake. As each of these symptoms was looked at more closely, it turned into a new diagnosis. PTSD, addiction, ADHD, insomnia, borderline personality disorder, etc. As additional diagnoses came, I’ve been able to try different combinations of treatment. This includes medication, counseling/therapy, DBT groups, hospitalizations and rehab, and a self-help plan.
Persistence in getting the right medication: The first step is being honest with your doctor. If the medication isn’t working, let your doctor know and try a new one. Continue this process for as long as needed. Once I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, the medication and treatment for that ended up improving my depression/anxiety more than any medication alone that I had tried specifically for depression/anxiety. Spending enough time with a doctor and/or psychiatrist and being honest is the best way to get a proper diagnosis (or multiple diagnoses).
Therapy: There are so many different options for counselors and therapists in South Dakota, as well as throughout the country.Doing a quick Google search and making a phone call (or if you’re anything like me and like to avoid talking on the phone, most places even have the option to email or submit an appointment request online) can help you find somewhere to start.Check to see if your school (middle school/high school or college) has an on-campus counselor. My first counselor was an on-campus counselor at Southeast Technical College in Sioux Falls that I was able to see for free while attending, and they even helped me find another counselor/therapist for after graduation.
Some employers also have options, if not a specific counselor, they may have EAP programs to get connected with eligible therapists, counselors, or doctors.
I’ve personally gone to Planned Parenthood and Avera Hospital for general appointments related to mental health.
Specialized care: In Sioux Falls, I have specifically gone to both Avera Behavior Hospital and Avera Addiction Care Center for additional help.
Crisis resources: I’ve also used resources like the 211 Helpline, NAMI, and various Suicide prevention hotlines/crisis centers (including 988).
Reaching out to friends and/or family has also been a great resource for me. A lot of times, they want to help but don’t know how – and sometimes I don’t know how they could help me either. One thing I started asking friends and family who were willing to help, was even just ask for their help finding and getting an appointment with a doctor or therapist set up. Something that seems hard in the moment for someone struggling, but a very simple thing that someone can do for you when they care.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
At first, as each new diagnosis came, so did my denial. “No, it’s not addiction. I’m just depressed” or “No, I can’t have PTSD. It’s just anxiety.” In reality, it was a combination of it all. And the clarity of discovering these new diagnoses and being able to start a form a treatment to help each of them is how I was able to continue to grow and maintain the resilience I’d built up from all of my years struggling silently and alone. I still struggle every day, but I am still here toughing it out, still alive, and more resilient than ever.
If you’re here reading this right now, you’ve likely even started to build up some resilience in yourself, even without realizing it. Look within and see how for you’ve already come. Find as much clarity as you can in yourself to find the areas you need to address to maintain your resilience. Embrace and adapt to change, while learning to enjoy it.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Talk. Talk about suicide, talk about depression, talk about all aspects of mental health. Just a simple conversation can be of more help than most people realize. The simple comment my friend made about how for some people, certain depression medications can actually increase suicidal thoughts was all I needed to get the motivation to be honest with my doctor about my prescription not working.
ACTUALLY call these helplines. I think a lot of people dealing with a mental health crisis or contemplating suicide think calling these helplines isn’t going to work. I know I did before I made my first call. It took me years before I called a suicide helpline for the first time, and I wish I had way sooner. For me, it helped knowing that I’m not calling this number to “cure” myself or “cure” my depression/suicidal thoughts, etc. I’m calling because I need help right now and being alone with my thoughts has just been making it worse. Calling, even if for a short time, can help in some way. They can provide resources; help you get in contact with a medical professional or even checked into the nearest hospital if necessary. But even if you already have some resources or don’t find it necessary to go through all the steps, the conversation with the person on the other side of the phone can even just be used as a distraction to help get your negative thoughts to calm down for the moment.
Note: We said we’d do 30 stories in 30 days, and we hit that goal yesterday—but we have one more we’d like to share with you. MaKaylee’s story is a good reminder that maintaining our mental health is an ongoing process, and we can strive for resilience at any stage of that journey—even, and perhaps especially, in the midst of dark days.
Thanks for finding the courage to share your story, MaKaylee. We support you in your fight.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
When I was 13 years old, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 cervical cancer. When I received the news that it was terminal and that I would lose my mother forever, I began to self-harm. At this time, I was also being sexually, physically, and emotionally abused. My mother passed away August 24, 2012, when I was just 14 years old.
I was living in Florida at the time with my mother and maternal grandmother. My father lived in Sioux Falls, S.D. After only meeting him roughly four times in my life, I moved to South Dakota in 2013 to live with a person who was basically a stranger to me.
I had already developed depression, and soon after my move to South Dakota, I developed anxiety enhanced with family conflict. I struggled with my mental health, went through many counselors before finding a good fit, experienced inpatient treatment through Avera Behavioral Health and Human Services Center, and came out of that feeling okay. This was 2014.
After graduating high school in 2016, I once again was struggling with depression, anxiety, and self-harm. I attempted suicide in 2017 and in 2018. I got in touch with my family doctor and was referred to a psychiatrist. We spent two years trying multiple medications and doses. In March of 2018, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This illness has been the hardest to overcome. My psychiatrist informed me about DBT, or dialectical behavior therapy. I finally reached out to the therapist that my psychiatrist referred me to in July 2021. As I begin this journey with DBT, I still find myself struggling immensely. My most recent suicide attempt was September 19, 2021. Suicidal thoughts trouble me almost daily, but I am still resilient as ever and pick myself up every morning ready to fight these diseases that try so hard to overcome me.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Avera Behavioral Health was my first experience of aid. They provided resources on how to help with my self-harming behaviors, and cognitive behavioral therapy resources to help with my depression and anxiety. When that wasn’t enough, HSC was my next best help. In HSC, we had groups for everything: depression, anger, grief & loss, resiliency, and even a survivors group for those who had experienced abuse. I have also had a tremendous amount of help through American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Sanford Psychiatry & Psychology Clinic. Being in touch with people who want to help me and fight this disease has been the greatest success for me.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
The greatest challenge in my opinion is believing in yourself. When mental illness darkens your world, it can be hard to feel worth living and hopeful for a better future. I found my greatest strength to be resilience. Speak up to those around you so they can celebrate your successes with you. The words “I’m proud of you” and “You are so strong and courageous” go so far in helping those of us who struggle with mental illness find our resiliency. As a community, getting involved with organizations that help fight against this disease can also help those of us who struggle find HOPE.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Not everyone’s story is the same. Mental illness is so complex. Also understanding that it is REAL, just as any physical disease, and that it’s okay to speak up about it. Too many people face these challenges in the dark because they are afraid of speaking up because of the stigma behind it. We NEED to lose the stigma.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My older sister Brittany took her life in March of 2016, and since then I’ve battled with having to find my own path in life. When Brittany was here, I was always just following in her footsteps. In the last 5 years I’ve had to figure out who I really am on my own. Losing not only my sister but my best friend has been the hardest part. I took my grief and internalized it, and it turn into anger. It’s hard to overcome the anger when I still have so many questions. I have found a lot of comfort in knowing she is finally at peace and is no longer fighting with herself every day. After an attempt of my own and I started to get the help I needed, I finally found my true Le$bean self and came out to my family and friends. After living as my true self over the past year and a half, I finally found it is OK to be known as Butchie and not just as Britt’s little sister.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Utilizing my therapist, my Wonder Woman mom, my dog Sebastian and many friends, I have felt the love and support to be BUTCHIE!
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Realizing that the most important opinion of ME comes from ME and the people who love me and not letting anyone else’s opinion change that.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
Goodness. What story do you want? I am 36 years old and I was just diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). I know how a lot of people picture ADHD—a hyperactive young boy who can’t sit still and focus in school, right? Wrong. It is so much more than that. I am a mental health therapist, and even I didn’t realize the extent of how debilitating the disorder can be.
I first started questioning if I had ADHD when my husband pointed out that I was never able to clean one area at once. I would bounce from room to room getting distracted by something else that needed to get done. That’s how I’ve always been. I never thought anything of it. But then I started paying attention at work. I did the same thing there. I started researching symptoms of ADHD in women. One of the first things I read was how ADHD can be frequently missed or misdiagnosed in women, with many “slipping through the cracks.” Interesting. Then I looked at the symptoms: inability to shut out sounds and distractions, overwhelmed in stores or crowded places, forgetfulness, mood lability, impulsiveness (including impulsive shopping), forgetting names and dates, easily distracted and disorganized, low tolerance for frustration (explains my road rage), excessive activity or restlessness, just to name a few. I met them all.
All of a sudden it felt like my adult life was making sense. I don’t know how many times I told someone, usually my husband, “I forgot.” It felt like a bad excuse, but it was true. Loud noises have always overwhelmed me. In a room with a lot of stimulation it was like I could hear it all at once but never make sense of any of it. I would find myself snapping if something was said or done that I didn’t like. I felt like I could never control that emotion and often felt terrible for getting mad at my kids or my husband while also never quite knowing where the reaction came from. I was overwhelmed constantly. I could take one look at the list of things I had to do and instead of jumping in, I would just shut down. My procrastination has always been a joke to me, but now I know it’s actually a symptom. Being on time is an accomplishment for me. I thought I inherited that from my parents—turns out that is also a symptom.
Finally being able to put a name to all of the things that I thought were just “wrong” with me has been relieving. I now know what the source of the symptoms are, and I know there are all caused by one thing. My executive functioning doesn’t work like other peoples’. It makes things harder for me, but now I know that. Far too long I felt as though I was failing as a wife, mother, and as a person. But now I know that’s not true. I feel it has made me a better therapist as well. I have been able to recognize other people in the same situation. For years I thought it was my anxiety, but I know it is so much more than that. The name ADHD is very deceiving—it’s not just an inability to focus. It’s an executive functioning disorder that impacts your entire life.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I first went to see a psychologist for testing. I wanted to make sure that I got a formal diagnosis and didn’t just try medication to see if it helped or not. After that I saw a mental health nurse practitioner who prescribed me a long-acting ADHD medication. Before I was diagnosed, I had naturally started adapting to difficulties in my life such as placing things where I can see them so I don’t forget and making lists to keep things organized. I continue to do that now. I have also started reading books, listening to podcasts, and watching Tik Toks (yep) to get more information on ADHD. Some of the information is researched based, while other information is coming directly from other women sharing their experiences. It has been so helpful. Every day I’m learning new information about myself.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Communicate and educate. We spend a lot of time passing judgment. Can you imagine how powerful it would be if instead of judging, we communicated with each other? Communicate our wants, our NEEDS, how we can be of help, and communicate our stories. I feel that resilience starts when we can look within and identify what we need for ourselves to thrive. Once we can get ourselves in a good place, then we are able to look forward and help/support others.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Mental health affects everyone. Remember, there is help, and there is hope.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My story is long, winding, painful, but hopeful. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and anorexia for more than half of my life. Being forced to face life with these struggles and after the loss of several family members forced me to ask for help even when I didn’t want to keep living and felt I couldn’t be helped.
When I was a freshman in high school, I had moved to a much bigger school and was struggling to make friends. I was always a very anxious adolescent with perfectionistic tendencies and was competitive in dance and figure skating. I remember someone pointing out calories on a box of candy and stating, “That’s a lot of calories,” and suddenly, I became really obsessive about different diets, calories, and exercise and began restricting my food intake. I was isolating and solely focused on what I ate and the numbers on the scale. I knew I was losing weight, but I didn’t understand how unhealthy I had become and how dangerously underweight I was. I was constantly having crying spells and anger outbursts at my family and knew something was wrong but didn’t want to admit to it. My dance instructor and girls in my class were commenting on how I looked “sick” and I also had some family members express their concern. I remember finally looking in a mirror one night and couldn’t recognize the girl looking back at me. I finally broke down one night and said I needed help and my parents took me to a doctor the next day and we were then referred to a therapist. I began going to therapy once a week and began a “refeeding” process to put weight back on. I was extremely resistant to all of it at first, but I knew I needed to face my fears if I wanted to live but honestly there were several times that I didn’t want to. I labeled myself as sick, weird, messed up, crazy, weak, etc. for having “problems.”
Therapy not only saved my life but changed it for the better. I learned there were a lot of items I needed to address besides just my eating disorder, and as I began to get physically healthier, my mental health improved as well. I was considered “in recovery” a couple years later but continued to struggle with disordered eating, which also exacerbated the depression and anxiety. After taking psychology classes in high school, I decided that one day I would like to become a therapist or a social worker in order to help others. I realized that life is not meant to be lived alone, and you don’t always have the answers. Everyone needs a team behind them, and I wanted to be a part of a team as a positive influence.
Several years went by, and I was feeling pretty good overall but still struggled from time to time. Before my senior year of college, in June of 2010, my younger brother was diagnosed with leukemia. He passed away in May of 2012. I ended up withdrawing from school in order to spend time with him and my family. After he passed, I was completely numb to life. I had never experienced grief before and was trying to navigate through it in healthy ways. Five months after my brother passed away, my father passed away suddenly from a heart attack. I spent several months isolating, crying, and angry at the world. Eventually, I reached out to my therapist and began seeing her regularly again. I went to therapy for over a year and still was struggling with severe symptoms of depression and anxiety and decided to add medication as part of my treatment. I wrestled with the concept of being on medication for a long time, but honestly it has helped me tremendously. Hopefully there will come a day where I can manage my symptoms without it, but until then I take medication and go to therapy.
I gave myself some time in between undergrad and applying to graduate school because I knew that I wasn’t in a very good place emotionally to take on a master’s program. But in 2014 I knew I was ready to pursue my goal of becoming a therapist. In 2017 I graduated with a master’s in clinical Mental Health Counseling and was offered a position at an agency in Sioux Falls, S.D. It was here that I experienced a lot of growth personally and professionally. I was able to work with individuals, couples, families, and groups. With supervision and support from co-workers, friends, and family, I obtained my licenses in both mental health and addictions. I now have my own private practice where I work with adults with a variety of diagnoses and am honored that people share their stories of hardship and triumph with me.
Remembering that there is always hope and living for the people who can’t has helped me live each day with greater purpose. Life truly is what you make of it. One of the bravest things I have ever done was to keep living.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Therapy. Education. Friends.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Education and supportive conversations. Nature and nurture play a role in one’s ability “to roll with the punches.” With support, we can help those more vulnerable or struggling to adapt to adversity and learn healthy coping mechanisms.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Individuals struggling with their mental health are hurting. They are not choosing to be sick. We are all people trying to get through life. We are no greater than or less than anyone standing beside us. The strongest people I know are the clients that I see for therapy. It is a privilege to be able to help others.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
It hasn’t always been easy navigating life with such a big heart. It doesn’t seem like that big of issue; however, if you’re also an empath, a perfectionist, or are diagnosed with generalized anxiety, you probably understand.
Growing up, in school, and even in my undergraduate studies, I didn’t realize why I cared so much about everything. It was so easy for me to feel sad, feel happy, and feel empathy all at once or within a few moments of each other.
Learning that this is just part of my personality in addition to learning I have generalized anxiety and dysthymia (mild depression) has made things so much easier.
I now realize I have a gift: having a big heart. Even though sometimes I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, I also have a sense of others, a type of intuition, many people don’t.
I am able to feel what others are feeling without much thought. I am able to care and make a difference in people’s lives because I can really understand and appreciate what they are going through.
With that being said, I thought for most of my life that I was going to be a medical doctor. But I realized, based on my strengths and weaknesses, that my qualities may be put to better use in a different area of healthcare.
When I started in my master’s of public health at South Dakota State University, I had no clue where I was going to end up. But being in suicide prevention work has really open a lot of doors to a lot of amazing people. These people and these opportunities have allowed me to build my confidence. By sharing my story and embracing vulnerability, I love myself exactly as I am, each and every day, for perhaps the first time since I was a child.
To add more to my story, I am not sure of many people know that I worked as a case manager for over a year in Brookings, South Dakota before my current job with Lost&Found. What I learned in that year is quite possibly more than I’ll ever learn in my entire life.
I helped clients in every aspect of their life, from figuring out their next meal to figuring out how to pay their electricity bill to getting help with medical care and medical insurance.
My heart was too big for this job too, because although I made a huge difference in the one year I worked as a case manager, I took all of their homes home with me and really had a hard time leaving it at the office door. I did begin to learn how to help and make a boundary between their problems and the problems I bring home with me. But I knew I needed a change for my mental health, and Lost&Found was/is the perfect fit. (If you know someone that is a social worker or therapist of some sort, make sure to show you appreciate them each and every day, because those workers are some of our true heroes that even our nurses and doctors lean on in the hospital to follow through with care and discharge plans.)
What I want to get out is that with some work, your weaknesses or struggles can become your strengths. Your career path and future might not look like what you had envisioned—it might just actually turn out much better.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Therapy is something we all should take part in. Whether short term or long term, it can help when we are doing okay and when we are experiencing poor mental health. I was in an okay place, but I wanted to be in an even better place. I went to five therapy sessions in Sioux Falls, and I absolutely loved it.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
I think it starts with learning healthy coping mechanisms and sharing those mechanisms with close friends and family. It is also important to teach our children how to work through their emotions and life’s difficulties.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
It’s okay to not be okay. Just don’t stay there. Bad times doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. Perspective is everything.
