Tag: suicide

Katie Milbrandt - Stories of Resilience. College-age woman stands in a white shorts jumper.

Katie Milbrandt

Posted on September 12, 2024 by - 2024 Story

What is the story related to resilience that you’d like to share?

My mental health journey started when I was very young. I was exposed to the not-so-good side of mental illness before I was even in middle school. My older sister is my best friend and biggest inspiration, but sadly I had to learn what mental illness was from her struggles and experiences.

In high school, I was bullied a lot, which greatly impacted my mental health. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but nothing seemed to be helping. I decided to transfer schools and have a “fresh start.” I felt like I had more of a purpose and was so much happier after finally deciding to help myself.

During my freshman year of college on a random weekend in April, I woke up to a call from my mom in the early morning hours. That morning, I found out that my cousin died by suicide, ultimately losing her battle with mental illness.

Fast forward to February 14, 2022—the day I tried to end my life. I was at the lowest point possible, depressed, unmotivated, and surrounded by people who were only tearing me down. I was willing to give up on 17+ years of education, end the friendships I created, and leave my job and the family who raised me. I was ready to throw in the towel and give up for good. Thankfully, I got help before it was too late.

Looking back, each encounter I have had with mental health and mental illness has helped me find my purpose in life. I have always been an empathetic person, and I feel emotions very strongly, which is why I never want anyone to feel the way I have. After losing loved ones, and almost losing my own life, I have made it my mission to have a voice for those who no longer do and share my story—how I turned struggle into strength. It has been a long and tough journey to get to where I am today, but I am so grateful to be an advocate for mental health and be the person to prove that things do get better. Ever since I started advocating for mental health, I’ve been asked questions like, “Why should I care about mental health?” “Is mental illness even real?” “Why can’t people just be happy?” My response is simple: everyone has mental health, just like we have physical health, and people who are affected by a mental illness have a much harder time controlling, regulating, and improving their mental health. Mental illness is a silent killer, taking more lives than breast cancer. When shown the reality of the matter, people tend to understand the severity and prevalence of mental health/mental illness, which is exactly what I aim to do with my platform through my involvement with the Miss America/Miss South Dakota organizations.

 

What strengths can you identify within yourself that helped you navigate the situation?

Besides resilience, I’d have to say courage—to keep moving forward even when I felt like giving up, determination—to not let my story end even when I wanted it to, and faith—that there was hope for a better future even when I didn’t think there was.

 

Did you have a person or persons to look to for support during this time? If so, what was it about that person/those people that was helpful or not helpful? If not, what did you do instead?

I saw a therapist and also talked to my mom, even though she lives 4 hours away since I moved from Wisconsin to South Dakota to go to college. They both helped me in their own ways, but the most helpful thing was to have someone who could be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a voice of reason.

 

What resources did you use during that time? Are there any barriers or limitations regarding access to these resources? What resources do you think still need to be developed for others?

Thankfully, South Dakota State University provides free counseling services to all students, and I was able to meet one-on-one with a counselor as much as I needed. I think that more preventative resources need to be readily available, so that students can get the help they need before they find themselves in a time of crisis. I knew of the counseling center and at the time, thought it was my only option. I didn’t know how to make an appointment and didn’t want to be seen in the building out of fear of shame and embarrassment.

 

What is one thing related to your experience that you wish everyone could understand? What advice might you share with someone who is experiencing something similar?

Asking for help is a sign of strength. I have always been very independent, especially when I came to college. I always felt that needing help on an assignment or asking a friend to help me with something made me seem weak. I didn’t realize it at the time, but having that mentality was pushing people away, causing me to feel alone. I now know that asking for help is not a weakness, and that strength comes in numbers. Leaning on those around you will only help you, not hurt you.

 

 

Jerry Cook

Posted on September 27, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

My dad died by suicide just before my fifth birthday. My sister passed away in 2019, potentially suicide-related. I’ve spent most of my life learning, growing, and recovering from loss and suicide loss. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Family, friends, counseling / therapy, research and learning, volunteering & supporting the community, healthy hobbies, art, and music. 

Through doing lots of work on and for myself, I also co-founded MindBodyHeart Pathways with my wife, Dr. Michelle Cook, and we offer coaching, counseling, and psychiatry services in addition to ketamine-assisted psychotherapy. 

 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

Some of the major hurdles I see are limited access to mental health care and the quality of that care. Additionally, people who do seek help need to be supported rather than looked down upon…we need to help eliminate the stigma. We also need to move away from the thought that life is/should/will be free of challenges. Working through challenging times builds resiliency. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

It’s okay to be vulnerable and reach out for help and be open to different types of help. 

 

 

Trivia Afraid of Lightning-Craddock 

Posted on September 25, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

My first experience of death by suicide was when I was a child and witnessed my 14-year-old cousin, who died by suicide. I was with my grandmother and she was called to the home of her sister where he was found. I did not understand exactly what had happened, as I was only a child of about 5 or 6 years of age.

Twenty years later, I myself battled the same generational traumas that my young cousin fought. I struggled with crippling issues of self-esteem, racial identity, and depression, which led to substance abuse and suicidal ideations. In 2003, I planned to end my life. Thankfully, I was unsuccessful! My family did know if I was alive, or dead, or kidnapped. Unbeknownst to myself at the time, I was found in my car and taken to the nearest hospital where I was given time to heal, mentally and spiritually. It was not overnight, but with the resources I was given, the support of a local pastor, and the foundation of my Lakota culture as a form of healing, I was able to adapt my lived experiences, advocate in my community, and give back using culture as a form of healing. I’ve learned that my Lakota culture is my healing. My resilience in return is advocating for all my relatives to be able to utilize cultural services and behavioral health services for overall health and wellness.

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

While each person’s mental health needs are different, we as humans have a natural need for companionship and love. I needed someone to listen, to be there for me, and to affirm who I was as a young biracial woman who struggled with racial identity. I was given mental health support from a licensed clinical psychologist, cultural spiritual support from a Lakota elder, and spiritual support from a local pastor. My three resources were able to support my mental health needs, because they were able to address separate areas that were the cause of my self-esteem issues, racial identity issues, depression, and substance abuse. Each area of an individual’s mental health needs must be addressed mindfully, respectfully, and with perseverance.

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

My lived experience has given me the power to own my resiliency. It has humbled me in a way that I am able to empathize and use mindfulness with my relatives and community as a whole. We have to learn that the American Indian community’s way of healing is through cultural practices such as the Lakota language, Lakota songs, and Lakota prayers and that our people understand what generational traumas are and how to utilize behavioral health resources. Behavioral health services and Lakota cultural practices coupled may help individuals face life’s challenges. Working together in our community and not silos to address mental health challenges is the key to doing more for our families.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

A “wish” for understanding would be: Understanding the culture of a community and addressing the gaps in a community in regard to mental health and substance abuse, which often go hand in hand. Also, for people to understand that it is okay to ask for help, it is okay to admit that you need support. Often we are expected to be strong or resilient, and sometimes people do not understand that there are moments when someone is unable to be resilient.

 

 

 

Sky Grenstiner

Posted on September 23, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I lost my biological father to suicide.

Growing up, I did not see my biological father all the time, especially because my maternal grandparents had adopted me when I was younger. However, I was still building a relationship with him throughout the years. I usually saw him on holidays when I was home, because otherwise, he was out working these big construction jobs and a lot of times was out of state. He was still there for me.

The day that I found out, I had just finished working on my homework and was taking a nap. I woke up to my sister calling me, and my heart dropped instantly because she usually asks if she can call before she does. I immediately picked up the phone and asked her what was wrong because she was crying. She told me that she didn’t know if anyone had told me but that Dad was found dead. Instantly I broke down crying and texted one of my friends begging him to call my cousin who lives in my dorm building and send her my way. I couldn’t move, all I could do was bawl and try not to scream. Seven days earlier, I had gotten numerous texts from Dad saying how proud of me he was, that he loved me, and that he was sorry for everything that he did wrong in life. I remember getting teary over those messages because my own mental health was already rough, and it just so happened to make me cry because I needed to hear it. However, I did not realize that this was a warning sign that something was going to happen. I did take screenshots and sent them to my same sister asking her if he was sending her similar things, so I guess in a way deep down I knew that there was something wrong, I just did not know what to do with it. In the following days, I made it home and prepared to say my goodbyes. Saying goodbye to a parent is not easy, especially when you lose them in a traumatic way.

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Resources that helped me address this challenge were my therapist, my psychiatrist, and Lost&Found. I was already seeing my therapist every two weeks, and for the following therapy sessions, I was going once every week. My anxiety and depression had spiked dramatically. My psychiatrist upped my meds and put me on an anxiety med full time instead of as needed because of daily panic attacks.  Lost&Found was a great resource for me because I was already in the Lost&Found Advocates Program, I was about two sessions into training, so I was able to check in with my cohort leaders at each meeting about how I was feeling.

 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

Mental health needs to be talked about more but not in such a negative, stigmatized way. Yes, mental health is on the rise, but stigmatizing it is not going to make it any better. I firmly believe that if mental health was talked about more, especially in men, and people were more supportive and listened, male statistics related to suicide especially could be different. In my father’s household and the way he was raised, mental health was not talked about. Mental health did not become something to talk about until my siblings and I, even aunts and uncles, started opening up about it. No one should ever be brought down because they are struggling, or made feel like they cannot talk about what is bothering them. I feel like if mental health help is advocated for more, our communities may start building resilience and address mental health more. Some locations in South Dakota have multiple support programs, but Sturgis does not.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Grieving from a suicide loss is one of the hardest things to go through because it is something you can never prepare for, unlike death by natural causes. Reaching out to someone when you are struggling with your mental health is a sign of strength, not weakness. Having mental health struggles does not make you weak. Also, a warning sign can be something so little and something that could be easily overlooked – if it makes you worried in any sense, please offer support. You could be the person that the person trusts to reach out to for help.

 

 

Eltina Three Stars

Posted on September 22, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

The beginning of the pandemic was one of the hardest things I had to go through. I know that many of my struggles were shared among the rest of society and on a collective conscious level. I work in public health, and once the pandemic started in March 2019, we were required to work remotely from home. I had 5 children at the time attending school virtually from home as well. It was very stressful trying to balance all of that.

My position was Community Engagement, but during the lockdown, I wasn’t allowed to go out into the community. At work, I volunteered to help with the efforts wherever I could. I found myself being the triage for those who think that they had been exposed or had symptoms of COVID-19. I would answer the forwarded COVID call line on my personal cell phone, which was directed from the Oyate Health Center. I would often have to hush my children or step out of the house to take the calls, but I felt needed.

Over the next six months, it began to take a toll on me. I was in a toxic relationship, and I was forced to live with him during the lockdown. I had intended to break up with him, but the pandemic did not allow for this. He worked as a bartender and didn’t believe in the pandemic, masking up, social distancing. He said it was all hype. This created an extreme amount of anxiety as a mother, as I had fears that the disease would take one of my children from me.

I suffered through depression, anxiety, and thoughts of self-harm but hid it from my children and my partner. I began lashing out in bouts of anger or tears. I had even planned out my death to every little detail. I ended the relationship, and he left my home. But I still feared myself, and that was when I knew I needed to seek help.

I found help through a variety of local resources, people I trusted, and my work circle. Most of all, I learned that I am an empath and am very sensitive to other people’s pain/emotions. I learned the importance of practicing self-care. I now work in behavioral health, guiding others to the help that they need. I wholeheartedly believe that my suffering had a purpose to help others!

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Indian Health Services – counseling services; Oyate Behavioral Health – counseling services and cultural interventions; Oaye Luta Okolakiciye – Cultural Services, mentoring; SPEAK Network – suicide prevention classes

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

You build resilience when you go through hard times and challenges. This is a part of life that is inevitable. What we should be teaching our youth and young adults are the proper coping skills/mechanisms when faced with life’s struggles. We need to teach them the importance of self-love and self-care. Once these are taught and become part of a person’s foundation of learning, this will instill confidence and they will be better able to handle hardships.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Having suicidal thoughts is a symptom of depression, and depression is treatable. I believe that this would encourage those who suffer from depression and thoughts of suicide to reach out for help.

 

 

 

Kelli Swenson

Posted on September 21, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

On May 30, 2022, I lost my sweet, sweet dad to suicide.  

Before suicide personally affected my family, I was like many. I thought that suicide only affected people who have always struggled with mental health, had recently experienced severe trauma, or had difficult home lives. I was so wrong.  

Suicide does NOT discriminate and can affect anyone. My dad did not check any previous beliefs about who suicide affects. He was happily married and had five kids who loved him dearly. He ran a successful company for many years, Swenson Bros Marine, and had just entered into a place of semi-retirement. He was always our biggest cheerleader and had the biggest smile on his face. In a small community, he was the one who was always called on for help, and he never let anyone down. He was always the “man for the job” and took care of anyone and everyone he could.   

In the months before his death, my dad had been making many plans for his newfound “freedom” and was looking forward to trips with friends and family, watching his kids grow, spoiling grandkids, and enjoying many days boating and relaxing on the Missouri River with his family and friends … one of his favorite things to do in the entire world.  

With one phone call, my world changed forever. My dad was always the one I could go to for help, for advice, to celebrate, to cry… he was truly “the man for the job” – and he was no longer here. Between telling my 10-year-old youngest brother how his dad died, to hearing story after story of how my dad helped someone else in the same spot, he found himself in before taking his own life, to learning how my dad cared for and supported others (many who were strangers) nearly daily without any recognition… The days and weeks following my dad’s death were the hardest times of my life. The world is dimmer without his love and light.  

A year later, I still grieve my dad every single day. Suicide robbed my dad, and everyone he loved, of so much. My family’s hearts will ache over the loss of my dad forever, but we also know there is so much more joy ahead. And we hold onto that.  

I’ll end by sharing the last paragraph of my dad’s obituary: “Jimmer cared about everyone so much that he forgot to take care of himself. If you are struggling or feel lost, please reach out to one of us or someone you love. There is no judgment, no condemnation. You are not alone, you matter, and you are loved.”

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

I have an incredible family and significant other who have — time and time again — given me the space and ability to share my feelings and emotions. I have also read multiple books and listened to many podcasts on mental health and suicide. I also hold tightly to my faith in Jesus and the promises I have that I will be able to hug my dad and hear his laugh again, someday.  

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

In the year 2021, 

  • South Dakota experienced its highest suicide death rate ever recorded. (22.6 deaths per 100,000) 
  • Suicide was the leading cause of death among ages 10-29 in SD. (2021) 
  • South Dakota had the 7th highest suicide rate in the US.  

We talk until we are blue in the face about the dangers of drugs, not wearing seatbelts, drinking and driving, etc. … commercials and billboards galore—but we are failing to have open, honest conversations to discuss one of the leading causes of death of people in our state.  

Mental health and suicide both have a stigma attached to them, but they shouldn’t. Mental health IS health, and we need to strive to become comfortable with the uncomfortable… It’s time we step into the arena, share our stories, and start shining light into the darkness. By sharing our stories, we let others know they are not alone.  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

I know it sounds cliché… but truly, the world is a better place with you in it. You are not alone, you matter and you are so, so loved.

 

Jessie Jo Van Bockel

Posted on September 20, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I grew up in a mixed family, which had many difficulties and struggles throughout my childhood. At age 14, riding the bus home from my first week of school, I was picked up by my stepmother. This was odd because the bus dropped me off a block away from home. I jumped in the vehicle, and she was sobbing because her son, my brother at age 16, had died by suicide when he returned home from school. My brother was living with his birth father and his stepmother at the time. I was taken aback by what had happened. We’d just seen him a few weekends before summer ended, thriving with life. No one suspected that he was struggling in his personal life, especially family matters.

As life went on, I started to notice a pattern of suicides of boys and young men in small communities. Not only did our family suffer mentally, but we also lost a brother. I was lost and angry, and my own mental health suffered.

A few years ago, my cousin, who was like a brother to me growing up, had a suicide attempt. He had reached out to the Suicide Prevention Hotline and National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, but the following day, he completed suicide. My heart sank, wishing I would have reached out to chat sooner or responded to a text message that he left me.

Today, I still have a hole in my soul, and I advocate for men’s mental health. June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month and I still see today, men are put on the back burner, to hold their emotions, unable and afraid of healthy masculinity because of the society we live in today. As humans, we need a community of support for those who struggle, and who are unable to express themselves, especially men.

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Resources I have come across are 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, Men’s Minds Matter, and National Alliance on Mental Illness.

 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

Building resilience is a daily choice. We are all going to have bad days; we have to stay consistent in addressing real mental health matters.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Mental health issues do not make you a terrible person, and reaching out asking for help does not make you needy.

 

 

 

Guy Siverson

Posted on September 17, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I was 9 and close to my deaf aunt. Part of her struggle was trying to live in a hearing world. She always told me that she could understand me better than anyone else because I would take time to pronounce my words.  So we bonded. And at age 9, I found out that she had taken her life. That was one of my first real run-ins with abandonment because I was very close to my aunt. I just accepted it at that point, but only recently have I realized that I never really actually accepted it at all. What I did was I transitioned her fight into why I should give up too.  I never really understood that before.  I was finding myself dealing with a lot of issues related to suicide.

I’m 59 now. I was 9 then. Fifty years later, I only recently honestly, truthfully came to terms with what happened when I was a child. I still had to go through the valley. I still had to go through the issues related to suicide. And it’s helped me personally to realize, “Wait a minute. I’ve got the dynamic wrong.” I’ve got to shift the dynamic, that whole dichotomy. That has helped me to change a lot of things in my own.

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

My faith, prayer, and studying the Word of God. 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

By offering more connective loving support for all rather than alienating those who do not fit into your own defined expectations of humanity. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

That there is a God who cares and that God has a Son who died for you that you might live for Him. 

 

 

 

Krista Burns

Posted on September 12, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was in elementary school. I didn’t know that’s what I was dealing with until I went to a therapist in my late 20s. I attempted suicide when I was 18 and used to cut my hands. I contemplated suicide again in 2021. My friend told me I needed to go to Avera Behavioral Health right away. I ended up spending a week at the facility.

Since then I have had a therapist and psychologist who help me with my mental health. I also open up to my family, friends, and co-workers more when my depression or anxiety is starting to get bad.

I feel like my story can resonate with people who are dealing with mental health problems, but don’t feel like they can open up to anyone about it. I can also show that you can live with these disorders and manage them to lead a healthier and happier life.

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Avera Behavioral Health, therapists, psychologists, medications

 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

There needs to be more education in schools and the community to tell people that it’s OK to not be OK, and also to teach family and friends how to speak with someone who has a mental illness. There also needs to be more affordable and easily accessible ways to talk with a therapist or psychologist.

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Don’t tell people that everything will be alright or that other people have it worse. Listen to the person who is struggling and offer them support and comfort.

 

Claire Litzen

Posted on September 11, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

Throughout high school, I struggled deeply with anxiety, an eating disorder, depression, and suicidal thoughts. It wasn’t until therapy that I was able to come to grips with my reality and seek out help.

I later experienced a ton of grief and loss due to family members passing away and my engagement ending.

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Therapy

Local groups: Theyself by Wake, The We Can Movement

 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

Connecting with a community! I think that once you get in environments where you are able to share your struggles, you don’t feel as alone.

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Healing and growth are not linear.

 

Whitney Lucas Molitor

Posted on September 10, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

Growing up in Mission, SD, I saw firsthand how mental health and suicide can impact individuals, families, and entire communities. Although I saw people in my community impacted by suicide, it wasn’t until high school that I first began to realize just how dramatically the incidence of suicide in this area of the state was disproportionate to other communities. Today, Todd County remains in the top five counties in South Dakota with the highest rates of suicide, with teens and young adults most affected.

Although there have been times in my own life that I have struggled with balancing my mental health while also engaging in life and working to become the person I wanted to be, I have always been fortunate to have an immense support system of a family that has helped and supported me. I recognize that not everyone who finds themselves in a challenging time in their life can access the resources and services they may most benefit from.

This was one of the reasons that later in my life I began to explore how health disparities and the social determinants of health can influence mental and physical health. What I have learned over the years is that sizable disparities exist in South Dakota. They are based on factors such as where a person lives, their age, and their ethnicity. Native communities are dramatically more affected by suicide than other ethnic groups, despite programs and policies targeting these communities and individuals.

As an occupational therapist, I have seen other ways that mental health challenges affect individuals in South Dakota. Not only is mental health sometimes overlooked, but the most appropriate mental health care can be difficult to access. Despite a growing emphasis nationwide to address mental health, a stigma remains around asking for or receiving the help that may be most needed. Because of this, I remain passionate about advocating for access to mental health services and continuously working to better understand how to best promote mental health.

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Developing a support network of family and friends has been the most beneficial for me. Especially during times when I thought I was fine, having a trusted person who knows me well and not giving up on supporting me has made a big impact.

 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

Continuing to work to de-stigmatize asking for and accepting help for mental health concerns is needed in our society. Working to make it the norm to get the help and resources that are needed to address mental health in an easily accessible way is critical. This process needs to start early in life when children develop lifelong habits that can contribute to their mental and physical health throughout their entire life.

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Managing mental health is a lifelong journey that everyone faces in some way. While we never truly reach a point where we no longer need to pay attention to our mental health, over time we can develop skills that will make this journey seem easier. Being a resource and support when someone is facing a challenging time in their life and doing so with grace and compassion is important.

 

Robert L Burandt

Posted on September 9, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

Having a lifelong disease takes perseverance, persistence, and an understanding that it’s OK to be not OK. It’s easier in our society to understand physical health more than mental health. Having learned I have bipolar in 2008, I worked very hard with therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and myself to understand how to manage and live with this lifelong disease. I finally got to the point of remission, a thing I didn’t even know was possible with this disease.

I have been a resource and advocate for others by creating a sports association in Sioux Falls. A similar outlet was available in my hometown of Minneapolis and was an invaluable resource. I even became a mental health first aid responder in 2022. With all of that knowledge, experience, and time, I still faltered.

In May of 2023, I saw myself dying by suicide in two vivid scenarios. I did not want this to become a reality, but I forgot everything I knew. I was so busy helping everybody else that I forgot to help myself first. It finally became too much, and I had to ask for help. This time was different, though—I knew that it was OK to not be OK. I had talked about my struggle openly for years, and when I finally succumbed to needing help, I was surrounded by it. I did not feel ashamed this time. I felt as though I was actually doing the right thing. This was my “drink your juice, Shelby” moment, and I was parched.

While at work, I reached out to my manager and a co-worker who led me to the right place. I completed an outpatient intensive therapy program at Avera Behavioral Health and am seeing a therapist at Sanford Health regularly. I still openly talk about my experience(s) to others and am once again able to be a resource for those who need it.

My tunnel has found light again, and I am ready for what’s next.

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Avera Behavioral Health (outpatient intensive care program), Sanford therapy, Lost&Found, Sioux Empire Pride Sports Association, 988, co-workers, family & friends.

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

I believe that we have come a long way from where we were, but we still have a long way to go. I will do what I can, for as long as I can to speak to the importance of the whole health of individuals. Being silent is the worst thing I can do for others. I will continue to advocate for better coverage, access, and awareness of resources available.

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

No matter how dark the road, light will always shine, even if just a flicker. Stay here. You are worth it.

 

Michelle (Williams) Seten 

Posted on September 8, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

My biological parents went through a difficult divorce when I was very young. Immediately after that, I endured neglect and severe physical abuse within the household. Going into my adolescence and teen years, I was also a victim of multiple sexual assaults and rapes. My first sexual assault was when I was 14, and soon after was my first rape. I struggled with depression and low self-worth at a very young age, which trickled into young adulthood. My relationship choices reflected how I put up with my partners’ treatment and how I felt about myself. I had multiple sexual assaults in my twenties as well. Depression has never left me, even as a social worker/therapist myself—it doesn’t discriminate.

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Honestly, I was too proud to reach out for help until this year (2023) because I thought I could just deal with it on my own. I knew I had never properly dealt with my trauma or how it continued to affect me in my adult life, and I finally decided it was time for proper self-care. I found a great therapist and began the difficult journey of processing through everything and facing my demons.

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

Therapy is expensive. Waitlists to get into psychiatrists for proper medication management are way too long. Treatment for substance abuse is also expensive and isn’t near long enough to actually treat the cycle of addiction. Law Enforcement needs more extensive training on mental health crises, also the way suicidal and mental health patients are treated in our jail system needs to be addressed.

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

It’s not something I wish on anyone. It’s a very excruciating silent struggle that people go through, and it’s just so hard to really explain to someone who has never had a thought of literally wanting to not be on earth anymore. I can be a fully functioning adult and put on a smile all day but internally, I’m screaming and aching in pain because I’m just so exhausted about “being.”

 

Amanda Kriens

Posted on September 7, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

My very first memory is somewhere around 3-4 years old at a funeral of a family member. I remember sitting on the lap of a woman who was weeping, and I had no idea why. Years later I found out that that funeral was her brother who had died by suicide. In my teen years, another family member died by suicide. She had mailed me a birthday card every single year until she was gone. In 2018 my cousin whom I was very close with and was very close to my kids, died by suicide. I had dropped my children at school and was driving to my grandmother’s house when I came to a roadblock due to an accident. A short hour later I found out that it was my cousin, Landry. I remember hearing the sound of my grandmother’s heart breaking while I held her in my arms and her son told her her grandson was gone. I had to sit my three children down and tell them. I had talked to two school counselors and a child therapist along with our pastor to make sure I was doing it right. What’s the right way to tell a 7, 9, and 11-year-old something like that? The very first time my 7-year-old had an anxiety attack was the day of the funeral. Our entire family went to therapy, and it took months for the sweet little girl to realize she could still be safe away from home and mama. All of this was affecting my own mental health, but my priority was my children, and I ignored the signs.  

In March of 2022 I started having severe anxiety and moderate depression. I had experienced a brief time of this after Landry’s passing and had some minor postpartum depression after my third child, but this was completely different than anything I had felt before. I would be driving home from work and have an overwhelming urge to drive off the road. I would think about just escaping the pain, and then I would think of my husband and our kids and would feel so incredibly selfish. I was in so much emotional pain, but I didn’t tell anyone. I was too embarrassed. I was surrounded by so many loving friends and family, but I was too ashamed to tell anyone. This happened to other people but not me. I had even done safety counseling with a family member the year before, not even knowing what I was doing had a name. But me? I didn’t have these kinds of problems, I told myself. But I did.  

I eventually made an appointment with my primary care practitioner. I filled out the PHQ-9 and GAD 7, forms that screen for depression and anxiety, and I was sky-high on both. I sat in the office and cried, and the nurse just slid the Kleenex box over to me and said the doctor would be in shortly. I waited 54 minutes for the doctor. I had told my sister I was going in, and I texted her from the doctor’s office asking her if she thought they were lining someone up to come haul me away. My primary care provider referred me to a specialist and started me on medication. I wasn’t overly impressed. I started seeing the therapist I had seen after Landry had passed and realized most of this was coming on due to the extreme amount of stress I had in my life at that time. With my therapist’s help, I made some major life changes. One of them was that left a fifteen-year career in banking to pursue a career in behavioral health. I had so much compassion for those struggling, and I couldn’t stop reading and learning about the brain, mental health, coping skills, mindfulness, anything I could get my hands or eyes on pertaining to the subject. Knowledge is power. I needed some power. I found my strength. I prayed a lot and met with a career counselor. I have been working in behavioral health now for 15 months. In my healing journey I have relied heavily on my relationship with God, practiced self-care and mindfulness, and got back to journaling. I eliminated as much stress as I could, but life is life. My brother Tulley who truly was my mind-reading, attentive, kind, best buddy for 35 years, had been struggling with alcohol addiction. We finally got him to go to treatment this fall, and after discharge, he relapsed. Three weeks ago he died due to complications from alcoholic hepatitis after spending 52 days in the hospital. I am afraid of what this could do. I have been doing so well the last year. I am not currently on medication, but I am practicing all of the skills I have learned and I teach. Helping others in their healing journey has helped me. I know grief will need to be processed and felt, and I have had and will have moments of deep deep sadness, but I do believe I can get through this. I know there is help if I struggle. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

  • Reverence Counseling-Jodi Merritt (for myself) 
  • Stronghold Counseling (in the past for my children) 
  • Sanford Psych (medication management) 
  • Avera Addiction Family Program (Support for me and my parents with brother’s addiction) 
  • QPR (learned how to help other’s (and myself) in crisis and am now an instructor) 
  • Mental Health First Aid Adult and Youth (Use this knowledge both professionally and personally) 
  • Avera Behavioral Outpatient-Brookings (most amazing co-workers ever and provide exceptional service in the Brookings area) 

 

For others: 

  • 988 (Have referred many to this for after hours help or in crisis and don’t want to or can’t go in) 
  • Avera Behavioral Urgent Care (Refer those who are in crisis and have strong suicidal urges) 
  • Avera Adolescent Addiction (teens struggling with addiction) 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

I think breaking the stigma of struggling with mental health and/or addiction would do wonders for allowing people to reach out to their loved ones without feeling shame (whether actual shame or self-imposed shame). 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

You can feel better! You don’t have to stay stuck. You are going to have to take action and use your tools, and there are many, but YOU CAN DO IT!!  

 

Shannon Nielsen

Posted on September 6, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I am the oldest child of 3. Growing up, we had an amazing childhood filled with memories. On June 27, 1995, our world was turned upside down when my dad died of a heart attack. Our rock and protector was now gone. It was devastating. My mom was amazing and did all she could do to be both parents for us.  

I was 12 when my dad died, and soon after I started taking on more responsibility around the house and with my siblings. This was all self-induced. I started striving more to be perfect and not cause my mom any more heartache. I didn’t want her worrying about me. The striving to be “perfect” got worse as I entered high school. I had to have perfect grades, and I started working out more to be better in the sports I played.  

In my sophomore year of high school, I started to be more critical of my body. I started to see myself as “FAT,” and this was not acceptable. My eating habits changed along with my workout routine. I became very regimented, and the effort to be skinny controlled my life. By the beginning of my junior year, my mom and friends were concerned. I didn’t care. My mom put me in therapy in our hometown. I didn’t take it seriously as I didn’t think I had a problem. I would do whatever it took to lose weight and not gain.  My health began to worsen as I lost more and more weight.  

It was decided that I be sent to the Eating Disorder Institute in Minneapolis. I spent 3 months in an inpatient Eating Disorder Unit and then transitioned to partial treatment and eventually outpatient therapy.  When I first was in treatment, I was in denial and was not participating. After a few weeks and being threatened with a feeding tube, I started to recognize that I was sick. Not only was I hurting myself both physically and mentally, but it was also hurting my mom and siblings. It was not an overnight change, but very gradual. It had a lot of ups and downs. I went forward and backward. I had an amazing support system behind me, including my family, friends, and therapy teams.  I was able to return to my senior year of high school.  

I’m now almost 40, and I am a mom to two amazing kids. The journey here has not been easy. I have relapsed a few times.  I know I will always struggle, but I have learned to better cope with those eating disorder thoughts. I want to be a good example to my kids, and I want to advocate for my services for eating disorder patients in our state.  

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Finding a good treatment team is key. Find a counselor or therapist that you feel comfortable with. There are great support groups.  

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

One thing that I never had to deal with when I was in high school was social media. I can’t imagine what that would have done to me when I was at my lowest. Kids today are given so many different messages when it comes to the internet and social media. It’s always there.  I think we should be more aware of the damages of social media and educate others on it. I feel that there are more safeguards being placed, but there needs to be more.  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

It can affect anyone at any time! If you are struggling….you are not alone!  

 

Nikki Eining

Posted on September 5, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

On the first day of my sophomore year of high school, my best friend was killed in a head-on car collision. Two months later, my father had a brain aneurysm and was hospitalized for 31 days. That same year, in December, we lost my aunt to breast cancer. At 15, I was surrounded by death, loss, and grief, with no ability to process or understand why all of these things that were out of my control had occurred. With a history of experiencing maltreatment, this loss was devastating and all–consuming. I remember not wanting to go to school, not wanting to go to my job, and beginning to give up. I had quit things I enjoyed—extra–curricular activities, athletics, and more.  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Safe and supportive relationships. My friends, friends’ parents, neighbors, and aunts and uncles supported me when my parents were at the hospital for those 31 days. My student resource officer—who went above and beyond his job description— was the one to tell me about my best friend’s accident and supported our class during such a difficult time. Teachers rallied for us to take care of one another. One day in the spring, following the fall when all of these losses occurred, I was at home having thoughts of what is the point anymore, and my SRO showed up and talked to me about not giving up on myself and even helped get me to school that day. I remember being in geography class and my friend telling our teacher, who was my golf coach, to let me rejoin the team because I needed it. So many people showed up at a time they did not have to, or when it was not part of their job description. It saved my life. 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

We have to prioritize relationships over “following the rules” and complacency. We have to prioritize relationships over economic brackets and cliques. The potential in each of us is worth protecting. It takes safe, supportive, and appropriately challenging adults and peers to help us reach our potential when there are factors hindering it. 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Our choice in how we show up in our relationships and our interactions with others matters. Greatly. 

 

Jennifer Williams-Curl

Posted on September 4, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

In March 2015, my life changed forever. I was walking by a boxing gym when my gut told me I needed to change something. It felt surreal. A few hours later, my parents called and asked me to bring something to their house. I thought it was weird, and I tried to call my brother to see if he knew what was up. He lived in Nebraska, and he wasn’t answering. I messaged his best friend to see if he’d seen him lately. I was told TJ went to see our grandparents. About halfway to my parents’ house, I realized that my brother died. That’s why I had to drive to see my parents before they would tell me what was going on. I arrived in Nisland, and my worst fears were confirmed. I sat on a step, sobbing. Not knowing what to do. Nobody was there to support us—we found out my brother died of suicide, but I had no additional support.   

Fast forward to fall 2022. My brother would have turned 30 that September. I was struggling with my mental health due to postpartum hormones and grief. I checked in with my support system at work, got myself into my counselor, and worked through the process. Then, we lost a student that I worked with closely to suicide. That was hard. Lost&Found, the Front Porch Coalition, and so many others were there for our campus. A few weeks later, we had another loss. I didn’t know this student, but the loss still hurt. These events inspired me to change my dissertation topic. How can I help students feel supported? I’m going to find the answer and do that. My brother’s last words to me were in a letter, and he told me to do great things. I’ve decided those great things include helping others feel supported so nobody ever needs to feel as alone as I did when I learned of my brother’s death.  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

I started with a counselor through an EAP (employee assistance program), then I worked with this person regularly outside of that assistance. Lost&Found provides a lot of training and resources about how to help build healthy coping skills, so I’ve slowly been implementing new strategies into my life.  

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

I think the biggest thing we can do is recognize that mental health is health. Someone suffering from anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, etc. should be given the same grace as someone with the stomach flu. Just because others don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. That mentality is the hardest thing to overcome, even within my own family sometimes. 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

It’s okay to not be okay, but remember to ask for help when you need it.  

 

Jerrald H Zeigler Jr

Posted on September 3, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I am a three-time suicide attempt survivor. Due to a military sexual assault and two molestations shortly after, I got PTSD and felt I couldn’t live with myself. My first attempt cost me my military career. My second attempt cost me my first marriage. My third attempt cost me my family for a long time. After that, I worked on my trauma through therapy and support groups. I am now co-founder and president of Empire Mental Health Support here in Sioux Falls. I owe it to the VA for understanding PTSD and military sexual trauma. Today I want to live. I have grandchildren I want to see grow up, graduate, get married, and have children of their own. Suicide is the furthest idea from my mind. I am worthy, therefore I must live! 

Ps

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

SMART Recovery, NAMI, and Empire Mental Health Support. 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

Using mental illness against criminals during mass shootings instead of criminal behavior. The truth is people with mental illness are more likely to harm themselves rather than harm others. 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

That people can never just “get over it”! 

 

 

Sam Houser

Posted on September 1, 2023 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I was assaulted by a superior in the workforce, leading to suicidal ideation that resulted in forming suicide plans and a brief moment when I considered acting on those plans. Because of the hope and resiliency offered by colleagues, family, and my therapist, I utilized my safety plan. For those who have not heard of a safety plan, it is a plan formulated for folks for whom suicidal ideation is a reoccurring happening. A safety plan allows the person suffering from ideation to reach out to a safe individual who will talk them through things or intervene in supportive, lifesaving ways.  

For me, this was a conversation with my spouse about my ideation that ended with the understanding that I was not in a place to take action regarding the assault. Eventually, I was encouraged by the people offering me support to take action as a way to facilitate healing from the incident. That action, in this instance, was informing the denominational leaders (this was a church leader) of the incident, writing a full report of what had happened (this was a painful but important step in my healing), and then naming my expectations in regard to what systemic accountability might look like. At the start of this reporting, I thought that some form of education for the perpetrator and an apology would help me feel some form of resolution. After a year of journaling, therapy, and other healing practices, I’ve come to believe that only I can create the internal resolution that will help me continue taking steps forward. 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Some of the things that I have used to begin healing from the assault are talk therapy, safety planning, somatic healing, and grounding. I’m what’s considered an internal processor, meaning I typically think all my thoughts and let them run through my mind until I feel comfortable sharing them…but after the trauma of assault that was not a helpful mode, and so I began talk therapy, allowing space for my thoughts to happen and then leave. I also began using two intentional somatic healing practices, massage therapy and touch therapy. It is true that our bodies, as well as our minds, hold on to the experiences we have in life, and I was triggered regularly after my assault because my spouse looks very similar to the perpetrator, so my body was in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze, or faint leading me to seek out a massage therapist regularly to work the muscles as well as asking my husband to engage in touch therapy, which is a form of non-sexual touching that allows my brain and body to gain understanding that I’m not in danger when this human is near.

On my own, I also utilized the practice of grounding as a way to help with the healing process. My spiritual director is trained in forest therapy and offered instruction as well as education on the benefits that come with grounding oneself in nature. I made it a daily practice, before my journaling, to pour myself a cup of coffee and step out onto my backyard barefoot so that I could be physically reminded that the world is vast, and while my experience of assault matters, there is more to life and more to me than that experience. 

 

Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects of it that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?

Following this assault, I benefitted by having the full support of my boss and colleague, and it was with their encouragement that I gained the courage to report the assault. The system that negatively affected my mental health the most was the ways in which the denomination lays out a policy of reporting. There was a lack of trauma-informed individuals to host the eventual interviews (I spoke twice with a committee that was tasked with investigating the report of assault). These individuals questioned my character to the point that they asked one of my character references if I had ever talked about or cheated on my spouse before. They consistently blamed me throughout the interview, asking what I was wearing, if I had been drinking, and ways that I could have spoken differently to make the perpetrator not want to assault me. The interviewers were seeking out the intention behind the assault rather than understanding that the actions themselves were harmful, regardless of the intent.  

Reflecting back on the situation, I can also see that I needed support to report the incident because I have been assaulted and harassed in previous stages of my life and have not been believed. Even now, there is a sort of helplessness in me, due to the fact that nothing was done in regard to the report of assault after the investigation. It is a challenge to endure assault in the workplace, made even more difficult by companies and organizations that don’t have clearly laid out plans of action. And to take that thought and expand it to the impact on mental health, organizations and workplaces that can’t offer mental health days, refuse to offer them, or that create a culture that stigmatizes what they may offer can be deadly to the people who are in need of time away from the place where they experienced trauma. 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Even when, especially when, you can’t see someone struggling…they are. 

Jeff Pickett

Posted on September 30, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

About 10 years ago I went through a painful divorce that led me to think some pretty unhealthy thoughts. I was between jobs, only saw my kids for a fraction of the time I used to from being separated, and I felt so isolated. I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel as additional challenges came my way. I remember going through this dark time, and it was hard to get out of bed.

All seemed hopeless.

But when I stopped to consider my thoughts and possible actions, I began to realize how selfish my thinking was, and that if my unhealthy thoughts turned to actions, my very young daughters would be left without a father to help them in life. My actions would result in a downstream catastrophe that I did not want to be a part of. My daughters deserved better than that.

I soon realized that my current situation was not something I would allow myself to be identified with. There was hope the whole time—I just wasn’t looking hard enough. There was more life for me to be a part of.
I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and to put others first. I renewed my faith, started going to church and even volunteered my time at church so I could think less about poor me and instead focus on how I could help others. I also started journaling.

As you might expect, life did get better. A few years later I met an amazing woman and soon-to-be stepmother, and I can put the past behind me. Today I’m in a much better place where I am still a work in progress, but still progressing and still growing, even at 54.

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Journaling was a big resource for me. Faith and stoicism were other resources I turned to. Some therapy was also involved. I may get a tattoo of the Stoic phrase Amor Fati (lover of fate). It is the embrace of your fate, even if things go bad, because we learn from our mistakes and failures. If we see past failures as learning times, then we can come out on the other side a better person.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

We can work to build resilience when we remember our loved ones over ourselves and what we have to contribute, regardless of how worthless we may think we are at times. Sometimes we have to be beyond ourselves, which isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it in the end. Put reminders up (like tattoos) to remind yourself of where you’ve been and where you want to go!

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

You are not a failure. Failure is an event that you experienced.

Jake Danielson

Posted on September 20, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I struggled with suicidal thoughts for the majority of my life. Once I got to college, they got so much worse. I felt so lost and so alone with how I was feeling. I have such a great life. I have amazing family and friends. “I shouldn’t be feeling like this” is what I thought. So, I did not tell anybody. That eventually led me to my first suicide attempt.

It was only then I realized how much people care. There were people who wanted to be there for me and help. It was okay to ask for help. There are people in this community who want to see me get better.

But at the same time while I was in the mental health facility, I noticed a lot of people had no visitors. These people needed someone they could count on. I wanted to change that.

I wish I could say it all got easier after that, but it did not. A few years later I was diagnosed with psychosis, as I struggled very badly with auditory and visual hallucinations. They overtook my life to the point that I really couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what was fake. I felt almost bedridden and as though I was crazy. Through help and medication, I was slowly able to get my life back only to once again struggle with something new. This time it was insomnia. It left me feeling so exhausted to the point I stopped doing school, I couldn’t work out, I couldn’t even walk around my block. I just sat on the couch and felt like a zombie all day. These struggles led to another suicide attempt.

But I am very lucky to say today it’s been over two years since my last attempt, and every day since then has been a slow process of getting better. There is hope. There is healing. Things get better. I can truly say for the first time ever I am excited to be alive and see what this life can bring to me.

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

I think there are a lot of good resources out there.

  • After my first suicide attempt, I used Behavioral Health. I currently am at Southeastern Behavioral Health.
  • There is now a behavioral health emergency service in Sioux Falls.
  • 988 is the new mental health hotline number.
  • At the WeCan Movement we are holding events to bring people of struggles together. The website allows us to connect with people who need to talk. There are people out there who do want to learn about you and your struggles and help you overcome.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

I think the most important thing is to hold on to a little bit of hope. Life completely turned around for me when I thought to myself, “Hey, maybe I can have a happy life.” When I started to have hope in that, I asked myself, “In order to live a happy life, what would that take every day to make that happen?” It completely changed the way I operate. And once we learn to have hope for ourselves, we can have hope that all of us can heal from our struggles and truly grow. And we can all take a part of the responsibility of helping each other get there.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

I think the most important thing to realize is we really are not alone as we think. There are a lot of us who struggle with things. Although all of our experiences are different, a lot of us struggle with the same things, and as we are more open, we realize we aren’t the only ones with these struggles. There are people with the same struggles as me, and they have continued to overcome these struggles. There is so much power in that.

 

Check out the latest episode of Great Minds with Lost&Found featuring Jake Danielson:

 

 

You can watch the episode on YouTube here:

Jessica Cline

Posted on September 19, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

I have struggled with my mental health for the majority of my life. In my younger years, I didn’t understand that is what fueled a lot of my missteps through life. My unaddressed depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder led me into a life of drug addiction and external validation.  

I began my rehab journey in 2013. While I was in treatment in Florida, I was diagnosed with those mental health disorders, but due to extenuating circumstances, I could not continue my treatment/medication and soon relapsed. In 2015, after a series of horrible events, I found myself in South Dakota, starting over with two suitcases to my name. Even after all the years of therapy, and trying to understand my drug addiction, it still didn’t click for me—I was still seeking external validation and love in all the wrong places. I still had no idea who I was or what I was worth. 

In 2016 I terminated an unexpected pregnancy, and that is really what I called the “beginning of the end,” after a pretty big downward spiral. While I wasn’t in active addiction anymore, I was still in that addict mentality—the “storm” followed me wherever I went. I had job loss after job loss. I couldn’t even find a way to be honest with the therapist and psychiatrist I was seeing.  Eventually the pain was too much, and I attempted suicide.  

After that, I had a weeklong stay in a behavioral health unit. I was determined to “get it right” this time—if I could do enough and be enough, all of this would go away. I still couldn’t see my mental illness as something that had to be handled on a daily basis—it’s not something I can just FIX. It’s something I grow to learn and understand.  

In the fall of 2017, I attempted suicide for the second time. I had spent an entire month on my couch, not working, not showering, hating myself, my partner resenting me—and I determined that I was not made for this world. It HURT to just be awake. It hurt to just exist. I thought I had done too much wrong, and there was no way my life could get better.  

Thankfully, through a support system and the enduring love of my grandparents, I made my way back to North Carolina. I spent the next 18 months finding myself, not looking for a new boyfriend, not chasing a high that would never be enough. I found my way back onto my feet and really discovered who I was and how strong I truly am.  

Mental health is not a weakness. It’s not something to be ashamed of. Once I learned to embrace my mental health and my story, and grew to understand that my journey is part of who I was, the real healing began. Now in September 2022, I am currently engaged to the most perfect man and 7 months pregnant with a sweet baby girl. I have a career I love, two dog babies that are my entire world, and the best friend group I could ever ask for. I have made all of my amends, and I am happy and in love with who I am today. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

 

I can’t say there is a specific thing/resource that has helped me—it’s been a variety of things over the years. Finding a hobby, having a support system of friends and family, having an animal. I’ve seen a few therapists/psychiatrists over the years, and they have helped in their own ways. I did spend some time with AA/NA, and having that network of people was very nice. 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

I think taking the time to understand and learn your specific mental illness/struggles and triggers is the key to staying ahead of things. Learn about yourself. Build a support group that you can reach out to. Find a hobby to keep you distracted when the days get too hard. Practice emotion regulation. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

It’s OK to have mental health issues. It’s not something you can just “be better” than. It’s an illness that has to be maintained and nourished so YOU can stay healthy. 

Corey Kennedy

Posted on September 17, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

My name is Corey Kennedy, and 21 years ago my brother died by suicide. I was 25 at the time, and he was 16. I was very close with Josh and felt that he was someone I had to protect. His death was very, very difficult for me to process as I really didn’t know that there was anything wrong or that there were these feelings of anxiety or depression, especially to this magnitude. I also had to deal with the repercussions of my family falling apart. I had just recently married, and we both really struggled to come back from this loss.

I really wish that I could go back in time and change things and take another opportunity to keep him from being in that situation or give him a place to land and allow him solace to survive that situation. At that time, it was really challenging. This was in the early 2000s, and guys talking about feelings and emotions and things that were beyond just normal processes didn’t happen very much. What I learned was that I had to find a way to communicate, a way to process and find people to talk to. I was fortunate that my friends were supportive and understanding and helped me realize I had to find support. I learned that I can see a counselor and talk about what is happening, and I can try to learn how to follow what I needed to get better, and I learned that I can ask for help—that it is OK to do those things.

I also learned about my own depression and anxiety and my feelings of self-harm and when I get to those points. My life past the loss of Josh has been difficult, and it still creeps up on me sometimes. The feelings that surface sometimes surprise me. I have had dark days, and I have lost a sense of direction for myself, and in this I certainly understand why Josh got to where he got and did what he did, but I also have those resources in place to help me process those things now. I make sure that when I am feeling that way that I let somebody know, and I make sure that I’m not in a place where I’m dealing with that by myself.

In this world, things are always going to create difficult situations for us, but learning how to talk about it and learning how to deal with it and having a network of people in place to help you when you need help is critical. Now that I have learned these things, I am taking the opportunity to learn how to share these things with other people and how to do better by making sure that other people have access to these things, because I couldn’t do that for Josh back then. I hope that he sees that he’s a part of it, and I hope that he is helping me through this journey.

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Counseling, suicide prevention organizations, pastors, teachers, coaches, mentors, friends and family. I have a thirst for individual exploration and did a lot of reading self-help books. I also like to write and draw my emotions so I journal and write songs, poems, and books. I also paint, draw, and create art.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

For me, learning that my feelings are not a mistake or wrong, and that we all feel the same feelings and that we can, if we choose to, talk about them with others. Share the experience and learn from each other’s individual journeys to expand our own journey. This often requires help from counselors, mentors, teachers, coaches and other people who have training and experience in talking and offering resources. Commit to wanting change and put in the resources you need to accomplish the change and let it happen.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

We all have these feelings. Your feelings are not wrong. The idea that you cannot talk about certain things is ridiculous. Find a way to express what is inside that is causing you pain and set it free.

Shastin Gerbracht

Posted on September 16, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

On January 6, 2022, I was at work with a client. I had my Apple Watch on so I could feel that my phone was ringing repeatedly. This was unusual, so I checked my watch and saw that it had been my husband. I excused myself to check my phone and received a text from my husband that my 19-year-old son, Collin, texted into his place of work that he was not coming in because he was going to kill himself. My husband was already on his way to my son’s house. I left work immediately and began to drive toward it, thinking that we would get Collin, take him to hospital for some help and maybe have him move back home. As I got closer and closer, the fear of the worst gripped me. When I turned on his road, I saw the ambulance. There are not words to describe this terror. My husband came running out and met me outside. Through my screaming I realized he was gone. He had died by suicide.

I have experienced trauma before, as I served in the military for 20 years. This was like nothing I could have imagined. It was like a sharp cut through the fabric of what my life was. It impacted every realm of my life. I felt heavier, physically and emotionally crushed, changed forever.

As I move forward down this new path, I try to carry both the grief and hope. My hope is that I find new purpose in this life to use my wonderful son’s memory to help others through this, or more importantly, to help in the prevention. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

When I was still at my son’s house on the day of his death, Bridget from the Front Porch was there with support and resources. I attend the Front Porch support group and try to attend other gatherings with people who have experienced the same thing. This has been critical in helping me see beyond my present moment to how it might look for me after a few years. This support is essential to the hope that I carry.

I went to see a mental health counselor as soon as I could get in and continue with this as well. Through therapy we discovered that it was important that I continue to engage and say “yes” to opportunities and activities that might eventually bring joy, connection, or relief. This can be something like agreeing to go hiking with a friend or agreeing to submit my story here. Along with this mental health care, I also see my provider for medication to help me with the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

I reached out to friends, and I continue to call on them when I need to. I have requested from everyone I am close to that we talk about Collin as much as we can.

I focus on self-care a lot. I feel a lot better when I am able to work out, journal, read, and spend time with my dogs daily. My most important self-care goal is getting enough sleep. I can see a big difference in my coping skills when I am tired versus when I am well-rested.

I am working toward getting involved with helping others, as this can be very healing.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

I think the sooner we build support for ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities the better off we are. So that when someone does start to feel down, alone, or unsafe, they have people to reach out to AND feel comfortable doing so. The more wellness that exists upstream of a crisis, the better. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

It is possible to carry pain, grief, etc., while also carrying hope and joy. We can live fulfilling, meaningful lives without feeling like we need to “fix” these difficult parts of us. And there is support out there. Reach out! 

Michael Tromp

Posted on September 15, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

Around seventh grade, a wave of depression hit me in an unmanageable way. I went from being a happy kid who was involved in everyday activities to sleeping all day listening to music. School was in full swing, and I lost all my effort for anything. I was flunking classes, and getting into substances. After a while I found an unhealthy outlet in cutting. After a few weeks of this negative coping mechanism, suicidal thoughts seemed to increase and become much sounder and more reasonable.

Now that I look back on it, I realize that’s when I should’ve sought help. But help was a foreign thing to me. I believe we pressure younger males to be “men,” and asking for help is really not a specialty of that stereotype. So I found it weak or selfish to ask for help from others.

My first suicide attempt was in seventh grade. I remember waking up the next morning sick and hurting but still alive and feeling the immeasurable disappointment I was brought from that. There were two more suicide attempts over the years, and each resulted in failure and hospitalization.

When I started on the path to healing, it wasn’t even me hoping to help myself—it was me looking at another person in my life and seeing how taxing it is on another person. Not just taxing on myself. At first, I sought that out as a reason to stay alive. But it only provided a reason to live for other people, and I needed to be able to live for myself. Over the past year and a half, I have healed in my own ways. It was a process of eliminating negative thoughts and replacing the immediate thought of killing myself whenever anything bad happens.

 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Friends and family are big resources, but other outlets for me were gaming and sports. I needed to find ways to release those feel-good chemicals. A lot of outside activity. I went through therapy and treatment for years but when you’re not accepting of help, those kinds of treatment aren’t gonna be as effective. You need to be able to accept help first and foremost before those methods can help you.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

We need to make asking for help a lot more acceptable. I’ve run into a multitude of people that aren’t as accepting of mental health. And we need to be ready to help and accept it.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

(Suicide) is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Shalea Schloss

Posted on September 12, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

Over the past 15 years, mental health has been a huge player in who I have become as a professional. I have experience working with people in different capacities such as child welfare, education, geriatrics, nonprofit work, and mental health inpatient services. Each of these entities works directly or indirectly with mental health. The stories that brought me to the mental health profession are inspiring, but they also deal with heartache and disheartenment. Anyone reading this passage, please make sure you are checking in and taking care of yourself.

When I was 5 years old, my older sibling was diagnosed with ADHD. Prior to this, my parents weren’t sure what was going on. What I remember from that time was the stigma placed on my older sibling. I remember overhearing my mom repeat what a teacher said about my older sibling: “[They’re] just a bad kid.” Bad kid… like they were a criminal or something. That’s how I perceived it. I didn’t want to be associated with that. I thought to myself, “The teachers think that of them—what will they think of me?!” So, what did I do as a 5-year-old? I followed every rule, studied hard, and tried as hard as possible not to be deemed a “bad kid” like my older sibling. As my sibling began to receive services for their ADHD, that vision of them being a criminal dissolved. I no longer felt the need to distance myself from them and became proud of being their sister. Over the years, I came to realize that the teacher was wrong—my older sibling isn’t a bad person. They are smart, funny, caring, a great parent, successful, and a great sibling.

As I got older, I couldn’t shake mental health issues. When I was 13, my best friend at the time attempted suicide. Navigating a situation so mature and unfamiliar at such a young age and confusing stage in life caused me to be empathetic and more aware of warning signs of when someone is struggling. I tried my best to be there as a friend, but you can’t wrap someone in bubble wrap and follow them through life. Sometimes you have to sit on the sidelines.

What really pushed me to become the person and professional I am today was a situation that involved my younger sister. When I was 16 and she 13, she attempted suicide. A week or so prior to the attempt, I noticed my sister engaging in self-harming behaviors. I asked her about it. She denied it and told me to leave her alone, but I wouldn’t let it slide. I told her if she didn’t tell our mom, I would. A few days later, knowing she did not tell mom, I confronted her in front of our mom. She became defensive and angry. She wouldn’t talk to me, and basically would only be around me when I drove her to school. The day of the attempt was coronation at our high school. I went to the coronation and out with some friends. When I got home, my mom and dad were sitting on the couch with my sister lying in between them. My mom and sister had been crying, and my dad looked shocked. I asked what happened, to which my dad told me “Your sister attempted suicide.” My world came crashing down. The guilt of knowing what she had been doing hit me. I was a wreck. My parents had to get my sister to the emergency room and then to Avera McKennan, which was two hours away from where I lived, ASAP. I stayed home with my younger brother, spiraling. I called a friend and just rambled on about what I could’ve done. I waited until my parents got home. I drove my brother to school that next morning to help my parents as they digested the events from the previous night. I stepped up and put on a brave face. Sometimes brave faces are not as helpful as people think they are. After that night, I decided I never wanted anyone else to go through that pain. So, I made it my mission to become a mental health therapist. And as I sit writing this, I am a licensure exam and supervision hours away from accomplishing that dream.

My family and I remain resilient throughout all of the ups and downs of mental health that we have faced since that day. I can’t speak for every member of my family regarding how they stay resilient in the face of mental health issues, but what has kept me resilient is my passion, drive, and experience with mental health. I tell people, “You didn’t get this far just to get this far,” because it possesses a message of strength, endurance, and passion, one that I have to remind myself at times I feel defeated or as if I can’t take one step further.

Through the years, I’ve been told I have impacted the lives of many individuals, and they have found a sense of purpose through their interactions with me. I have learned what is important as a human being and the power of being vulnerable, asking for help, and checking in with yourself. I’ve had my struggles off and on throughout the years with anxiety and depression via trauma from bullying. However, I know that allowing those things to stand in my way will only do that, stand in my way. I’m a little too ambitious for that to happen.

To end this long story, I will leave readers with a quote from the great Leslie Knope: “I care. I care a lot. It’s kinda my thing.” Helping and caring for others is my thing.

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

USD Student Counseling Center
Avera McKennan Hospital
To Write Love on Their Arm website
Music

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

Accept vulnerability. We as humans are not programmed to always fight. At some point, it becomes tiring to constantly be on high alert or put on a brave face and continue throughout the world knowing that you have these feelings so deeply wounding that they leave eternal scars. Being vulnerable isn’t a bad thing. Contrary to belief, allowing yourself to admit you aren’t ok, that you need help, inspires people around you to take that step forward to letting down their guard and admitting they aren’t OK, which causes a domino effect for them to seek out help. This builds resilience.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Brave faces aren’t always helpful. It took me some time to realize I have been putting on a brave face for the past 27 years and it has gotten me into trouble from time to time. What I believed to be stress and being “too ambitious” was masking signs of anxiety. What I believed to be just being “blue” was actually beginning stages of depression. Putting on a brave face is OK for certain situations, but in a situation where catharsis is needed, isn’t the best time to do that.

Cody Ingle

Posted on September 11, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

Growing up gay in rural Indiana is not something that I would recommend—especially when compounded with religious fundamentalism. For most of my life, I felt I could not live as my authentic self. Religion told me that being gay was not an option, and I tried for a long time to change that about myself. I entrenched myself in religious gatherings—church on Sundays, youth group on Sunday and Wednesday. Figuring out sexuality in a rural community is never easy, and I felt so alone. I felt taken advantage of by older men who preyed on my uncertainty. I felt so much shame and regret.

I was bullied my entire middle school experience and much of my high school. My bullies were both relentlessly cruel and surprisingly inventive. Everyone thought I was gay and made fun of me for it. I desperately wanted to admit the truth, but never could. There were many times I considered taking my life—I felt a lot of pain and wanted to end it.

At 18, I went through a form of conversion therapy—something to try to change my sexuality. Two intense sessions of prayer, quasi-counseling, and battling the “demon of homosexuality” tried to convince me I was straight. I went through these various forms of conversion therapy for the next six years. Group therapy in college coupled with quasi-counseling and prayer sessions in churches. I tried dating women in high school and college to turn myself “straight.”

Throughout this time, my mental health suffered. I always felt as though I was inherently bad and evil. I was made to believe that being gay was the result of a demon—and that I was the one that kept inviting it into my life. I went through one last round of conversion therapy at the age of 24 while working as a youth pastor at a church. I officially came out as gay in February of 2016. This time was simultaneously horrible and liberating.

After coming out, the church I worked at sent a letter to all the parents and leaders stating I had chosen to “follow the ways of the world.” Some family members did not contact me for months. I lost almost all friendships and relationships. Though this was traumatic, coming out began the process of healing. I found a community of people that supported me—that validated my feelings. I began therapy—real therapy—to address the trauma the church had caused. Finally, I was able to live authentically.

There are still days I wrestle with the trauma of conversion therapy and feelings of low self-worth. I probably have an existential crisis daily. However, the healing I have found through a strong community, especially with Sioux Falls Pride and other LGBTQ+ and Two-Spirit organizations, has been tremendous. Going to therapy—real therapy—has helped to lessen the PTSD experienced by religion and conversion therapy. Therapy has helped me to know that my authentic self was worth expressing. It lifted the burden of shame and regret by informing me that these were feelings placed on me by others. Through a lot of growth and self-reflection, I have been able to address my mental health in positive ways with the help of a strong community of people.

Though there are still days when trauma and low self-worth creep into my mind, I am now in a space where I can feel those emotions, address them, and continue to live an authentic life. To me, the ability to live authentically as myself has been the most healing process. I can be fully who I am and know that others will love me for it.

 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Mental health therapy has helped me address my mental health in extremely positive ways. Organizations like Sioux Falls Pride and other LGBTQ+ and Two-Spirit nonprofits have helped as well.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

One of the best ways to build resilience for me is the idea of authentic living. Being able to express ourselves authentically is crucial to resilience. Encouraging this in others will help our loved ones and communities as well. As a community, we must be willing to allow others freedom of expressing their authentic selves, and welcome and embrace them. Be willing to have conversations and really get to know people.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

I wish that everyone could understand that mental health affects everyone. We are never alone—and there are resources to help.

Lena Tran Schaeffer

Posted on September 10, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

Growing up, I struggled with balancing two cultures while trying to figure out how to be a pre-teen and young adult.

My family and siblings came to the US as Vietnamese refugees in the early 90s, and shortly after their arrival to their new home country, I was born. I came from a very strict and conservative Vietnamese household where I am the youngest of 5 siblings, with a 10-year age gap from my closest sibling. Growing up I had my mom and dad, but also older siblings acting like my parents so I often felt very alone and couldn’t talk to anyone. I was conditioned to keep my thoughts to myself, be respectful and to always listen to my elders and obey their orders.

When I was young, I had suicidal thoughts where I can vividly recall my sister calling the cops on me when I threatened to harm myself because I felt like no one in my family was willing to understand me and be supportive. I remember yelling at my family, “Your life would be SOOOO much easier if I wasn’t alive!!” I know at the time I was in the heat of the moment, but those words were truly a cry for help.

People show love in different ways, and now as an adult, I may not have heard the constant words of affirmation from my family that they were proud or loved me, but I know they were and just showed it in a different way. Even though our family didn’t have much, I know my parents worked so hard to ensure I had a better life than they did. They weren’t the type to tell me they “love me” verbally, but they truly showed me they loved me in many other ways.

Reflecting back, I know speaking up and sharing how I felt helped me feel better, but also let others who I love know how I truly felt, even if the situation was chaos and/or not ideal. I know my tantrums and threats of self-harm were a call for help, and though I felt at times that my loved ones “didn’t care about me,” their actions really came through to show that they love me and want me to be safe and well.

 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Truthfully, the resource that has truly helped me address life’s challenges has been taking that initial step in asking for help through my friends, teachers, and other adult role models in my life. Talk it through. Confide in someone you trust. When I was going through family drama, I thought of my boss at Golden Dragon and called her sobbing, and she was there to help/listen. You don’t have to be super close to anyone, and even strangers are willing to listen and show that they care. You are not alone.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

People need to become better listeners. When someone comes to you, they are not always looking for a solution. They just need to vent/talk to someone. When someone approaches you in desperate need, first just be all ears, listen, and show compassion. Then, depending on the conversation, ensure you are asking questions to gauge if they need additional help. It is okay to ask, “Do you plan on harming yourself?”, but that shouldn’t be the first question right away because the person may get defensive. I think we, as a society, need to be better listeners and not judgmental. I think fewer people would need therapists if they felt like they had a supportive group of folks surrounding them always that they can talk to and confide in. Isolating our thoughts is no bueno.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

You are not alone. Even the happiest looking folks may appear they have it all on the outside, but in reality, may have their own internal battles that are relatable to others.

Mary Ellen Wolfe

Posted on September 9, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I lost a loved one to suicide 17 years ago. Since this loss, I’ve found myself struggling, too, with bouts of anxiety, depression and complicated grief—even suicidality. The feelings of abandonment and fear are intense when you lose a loved one, especially with lingering questions and no forewarning. After my loved one died, I struggled with nearly constant fear the rug would get yanked out from under me again. The world no longer seemed safe anymore.

But the last few years I’ve come to a place of greater peace. While the process involves regular self-care, I’ve also had a few changes of mind that were pivotal leaps forward.

One pivotal moment was when I realized I could heal myself. There was a stretch when not a single person—not even mental health professionals—seemed to offer consolation or understanding. I’d never felt so much despair. All alone one night, I sat in this space between life and death, a moment of choice. I felt an overwhelming temptation to take my life. Death was right there, so close. It seemed almost simpler to die than to live. But I remembered how it felt to lose my loved one to suicide and decided I couldn’t inflict the same pain on others. I said “No” inside to death.

I was crying so hard, nearly hysterical, when suddenly I felt peace come over me. I began talking to myself, out loud, in the midst of crying: “It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna make it. You’re strong. Even if you’re all alone, I’m here for you.” As I was saying this to myself, I was thinking of other people who were depressed or suicidal, too. I could almost feel the collective pain of others. And the compassion I felt for others, in that moment, I felt finally for myself, too.

I still suffer moments of intense despair when I feel entirely alone. But I’m training myself to pause and draw on this peace and comfort as a constant. I offer myself hope by creating a safe space inside to fall apart.

These moments usually precede some great step forward. Life’s journey has hard stretches, but if you refuse to accept death and open your mind to life, you, too, can offer yourself peace and comfort in these dark moments of life.

 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

There are so many different types of care, including, of course, counseling.

I’ve found cognitive behavioral therapy a valuable way to open your mind to new patterns of thinking. I’ve come to see my mind was very narrow and closed in certain areas. A shift in mindset literally can change your life.

If you have recurrent fears and anxiety, even if you haven’t been outright abused or suffered what we consider a typical “trauma,” I highly recommend a person consider trauma counseling. A person can develop complex PTSD from emotional neglect or emotional abuse or even from dysfunctional families or communities.

I’ve found the trauma therapy tools nearly miraculous. It helped release me recurring, intrusive fears through what seemed pretty straightforward techniques. It takes a while to build up the personal trust to get into the frame of mind to use the trauma healing tools, but it is worth it. I cannot say enough positives about trauma therapy.

Creativity is a surprising and profound healing outlet. I was never a “creative kid” growing up. I never received much nurturing or notice in this area. But one day I decided to write down the story of losing my loved one to suicide. It helped me lay down the past and find peace. And I paint out all the madness and intensity when I can’t figure out how to say it with words. I first paint anger or sadness or frustration or fear and then over top of that I paint peace or loved or joy. I’ve learned literally to paint my way to peace.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

I’m going to be very honest here. I think we live in a repressed community. There is so much left “unsaid.” Highly sensitive people often sense the underlying tension, stress or resentment or even judgment. What is unsaid is just as, or more, harmful than what is said.

I speak with many people every day who feel scared to express their real selves. They feel unsafe sharing their pain or doubts. There is such a pervasive pressure in this community to appear successful and to appear in control. Many young people need a safe space to fall apart or to fail. Failure is so integral to learning and future success, but there seems to be so much pressure on young people to perform. They also need a safe space to let it out—–to get angry or express frustration or despair or need. We need adults—we need parents—we need community leaders, who lead by example and can handle the needs of youth in this regard.

There is a real need in our community for empathetic listening. There is a need for people who have learned to converse on depression or anxiety or suicidality without fear or without fix-it optimism. There is a need for people who have walked through their own pain and feel comfortable conversing on the topic.

We live in a community that needs a greater awareness of boundaries. When people say, in the context or family, community or religion, that they love you, yet don’t accept you as you are and try to change you into their mold of what is ideal, the confusion is so damaging, especially to young people.

When people say they love you, yet deny or minimize your feelings, or make fun of you for seeking therapy, or mess with your head and put you down one moment then praise you the next, or treat you as less-than because you won’t let them control you—this is damaging.

In short, we need to learn how to love people without control or repression—we need to create a safe space for people to give voice to less-than-perfect feelings.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

There is great peace in letting yourself fail and believing you will be OK even if you have to go it alone.

Cherokee McAlpine

Posted on September 6, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I was born to parents who were addicted to drugs and alcohol, and a mother who was physically abusive and neglectful. I was taken away at 3 years old, after going through a rape, abuse for multiple years, and my siblings overdosing on my medications. I was put into the foster care system where I was raped repeatedly by an uncle. We, my siblings and I, were removed from my aunt and uncle, and taken in by my grandparents after my biological parents signed away their rights.

Shortly after moving there, severe abuse, neglect, and anger problems started. Both of my grandparents had very strict rules and often beat us for random reasons. Around the age of 7, I remember I started to feel depressed and attempted suicide for the first time. My sister walked in on me and convinced me to stop. I also started picking at my scalp as a way to self-harm. At the age of 8, I was diagnosed with depression. My grandmother was a retired LPN, so often times when I hurt myself or tried to kill myself where I needed medical attention, she handled it herself, as I was too young to understand how to “correctly” kill myself.

At the age of 12, I was finally taken away from my grandparents, who had adopted us in 2007. We were put back up for adoption and moved from Chamberlain to Fort Pierre. I ended up continuing to threaten to kill myself, as well as self-harm, so I was sent to HSC in Yankton, SD. I was there for a month and then sent back to Fort Pierre. However, treatment did not help, and I continued to hurt myself and ran away twice. I also assaulted my foster mom and destroyed much of be belongings. When I was being arrested, I kicked at the cop trying to arrest me. I was charged with two assault charges and a property damage charge and sentenced to mandatory treatment.

I was sent to Abbott House, where I lived for 1 year, 10 months, and 18 days. I successfully left the program and moved into their foster homes in December of 2013. During my time in the foster homes, I began to struggle again when my great grandmother died. The last time I ever hurt myself or someone else was October 30th, 2016. I had attacked my foster home out of anger, then attempted suicide. I was taken to Abbott House for three days and then moved to a different foster home. It was there that patience, love, understanding, and logic helped me overcome the trauma of the past and let go of those thoughts and urges to hurt myself and others. I was able to go to college, where I graduated with an associate’s degree in human services and went back to work for Abbott House. I have had a few slip-ups over the years where I was tempted to kill myself or self-harm, but I used the coping skills I was taught and my support system to help battle them. I have been clean for almost six years, and I plan to stay clean for the rest of my life.

 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

Treatment at Abbott House; medications to address my depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder; continued therapy; foster parents who were patient, kind, understanding, and loving; Avera Behavioral Health (I went there in December of 2021, where I was diagnosed with BPD); writing poetry; and self-help workbooks.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

People struggling with similar issues I faced need someone who is patient, understanding, loving, and does not pressure them to talk, but lets them know they are there when they are ready to talk. There needs to be a lack of judgment for how they are feeling and coping, no matter how “positive” or “negative” the coping skill is. They also need honesty. For me, when someone was honest and upfront about how difficult it would be to overcome what I went through, but let me know they would be there every step of the way, I had faith and hope. And when I was told to “get over it,” that I was “dramatic,” that I “needed help,” or told that it’s “easy to move on,” I felt discouraged and misunderstood.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

You cannot just “get better.” People who struggle with self-harm, suicide, or mental health will have good and bad days. You just have to be there no matter what and help them through.

 

Check out the Great Minds with Lost&Found episode featuring Cherokee:

Adaya Plastow

Posted on September 5, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I lost a close friend to suicide.

When I first met him, I pegged him as a wild child who liked to have fun. He was always the life of every party and held a room with all of his adventurous stories. He was one of those people that you just never really knew what to expect when he was around. Through our conversations we learned that our grandmas were actually really close friends. We spent day trips bonding with each other and our families.

It was a difficult time when he later lost his grandma, as he was very close with her. I knew that he had been going through some hard times with his girlfriend and still processing losing his grandma, so I gave him a call one night. He did not answer the first time, but called me back about 20 minutes later. I answered the phone in an upbeat fashion, and it was returned with the most broken sob saying “Adaya.” He always was a very put-together, strong guy, so I was taken off guard. I sat on the phone and talked with him, trying to calm him down. He lived in a different town than me, so I was unable to go see him that late at night. I remember just sitting and not knowing what to do. He wanted to get off the phone, so I asked him if he was in a safe place. He said he was home and then hung up.

I texted him the next morning to check and see how he was doing, and he said not great. He didn’t show up to work. And then I never heard from him again. I remember finding out I had lost him when I checked my phone while doing homework on my living room floor. I could not believe it. It took a little bit before we found out if it was true or not. I felt responsible for all the things I could have, should have done. The “what ifs” were eating at me day after day. I struggled with PTSD, trust issues, self-harm and ideation while trying to cope with the grief. The only way I knew how to grieve was to act like I had it all together, ignore the problem, don’t let anyone see you hurt, and I was so wrong.

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

  • Therapy: After about 8 months of trying to hide my pain and not being myself, I got to the point with my mental health where I was starting to scare myself. After researching and a few phone calls, I had my first appointment with my therapist. He was very open and made me feel very comfortable and safe. He was very clear that therapy works only if I wanted to be there. Yes, he pushed me and made me uncomfortable at times, but he also made me grow into a more self-aware person, and taught me how to better manage stress. He diagnosed me with PTSD, and explained how it was impacting me so I could better deal with the “triggers” that come up in everyday life.
  • Lost&Found Advocates: I also went through the Lost&Found Advocates program that helped to make me more aware of my and others’ mental health. It helped create a foundation of resilience and gave me a community that I was safe to express my struggles in.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

We need to talk more about mental health, especially with our midwestern culture regarding mental health. I didn’t take it seriously or think anything of it prior to my friend’s death. I thought talking about it made me “weaker” in today’s society, but it actually does the opposite. It takes a lot of courage to be that vulnerable. To be resilient, you have to be willing to ask for help when you need it. Resilience is recognizing you are stronger than you think you are, but also knowing your limitations and when it is time to step back for yourself. It is going to look different for everyone, as we are all coming from different walks of life.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

Regarding suicide, it is extremely difficult for those that are struggling with it. It is also extremely difficult for those that the victim ends up leaving behind. Even though you may not think so, you have a ripple effect on everyone around you—for good, bad, or otherwise. A small act of kindness, a gentle word, or a helping hand could very easily be saving someone’s life long enough for them to get help.

Heather Kittelson

Posted on September 4, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I was born into generational alcoholism — I lived in denial until it almost killed me. After my fourth child, I developed a terrible case of postpartum depression, and I turned to alcohol. Depression and alcoholism had won. The shame and guilt and hopelessness were paralyzing, and I lived in fear every day. On Dec. 5th, 2019, I had decided to take my life because I was scared for my future and my family’s future with me in it. That morning, my husband was obedient to divine intervention and my life was saved. I went to 30-day in-patient treatment. Sobriety is where I live and what I love. I now live my life 100% for Christ and helping others find authentic pure joy and hope!

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

100% telling my story as often as I can has been a BIG piece of my healing!

Podcasts – Hope still Stands with Ben Higgens, Montgomery Companies with Jordan Montgomery, Suffering Strong with Jay and Katherine Wolf, In the Light with Dr. Anita Phillips, Unashamed with Phil & Jase Robertson, The Quote of the Day Show with Sean Croxton, Made for This with Jennie Allen, The Christine Caine Equip & Empower, Christine Cain, etc.!

Authors/Books: The Bible, ALL John Maxwell books, Set Boundaries, Find Peace – Nedra Glover, Jon Gordon Books, Dr. Kevin Leman books (parenting), Boundaries – Henry Cloud and John Townsend, etc.!

Counseling: Soul Strong Ministries – Meredith Vander Zee, New Haven Ministries, New Creation Ministries – Andy and Kate Anderson

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

Share, Share, Share!!! We need to start talking and listening! Healing comes from being vulnerable and being open. We need to be there for one another and build our communities around loving and truly caring about each other’s wellbeing. We need to serve others and take care of ourselves — mind, body and soul!

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and YOU MATTER! We are all children of God, and we all have a very specific purpose here on this earth!

Erica Johnson

Posted on September 1, 2022 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

My story is about both resilience and clarity. Often, resilience is built before clarity can be built, even though it would make much more sense to have clarity first to build resilience. Resilience is not normally a word I would use to describe myself or typically think of or see in myself. But through all the years I’ve struggled with mental health issues, it’s exactly what I’ve learned to become.

My story starts at too young an age. Childhood trauma, sexual abuse, grief from losing my father, grandparents, brothers, and more—all before I was 10. Not knowing how to cope or deal with loss and grief as a child led to repression and hiding my emotions and true self. I was always quiet, sometimes even unable to say more than yes, no, or I don’t know. This repression led to not knowing myself or letting others know myself, including my family.

My young mind soon began to fill with negative thoughts—“I’m worthless. I must be doing this all wrong. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t want to be here. I can’t keep this up. I should be happy. I should be normal.” And so much more. The negative thoughts, repression, and trauma led to some of the symptoms that would later be diagnosed as PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder/suicidal ideation, eating disorders, self-injurious behavior, addiction, insomnia, borderline personality disorder, and ADHD. I’ve struggled with eating disorders, constant self-harm, and addictive behaviors and actions, all starting when I was 8-11 years old.

My first suicide attempt was in 2010 at age 12. By the age of 18, I had attempted to take my life 21 times. Between college and present day, it became another 15 times, the most recent being St. Patrick’s Day 2022. Through middle/high school, while I was struggling with not fitting in and constant thoughts of suicide, I thought it was obvious I had depression/anxiety. I didn’t realize that it could be more than depression/anxiety. I did my best to try to fix myself. I didn’t reach out for help, and I hid all of my thoughts and feelings from family, friends, and doctors. I put a smile on my face and became known for always having a glowing, bubbly personality and always being happy. I showed up for school with that famous smile, mere hours after spending the whole night alone in my bedroom planning to not wake up again.

The first time I finally did reach out, I was in college. I began counseling and started medication for depression, and eventually anxiety too. At first, I was so excited that I was being heard, I didn’t realize the medications I was on weren’t working for me. It was my first time on medication and my first time reaching out, so not only were others proud of me for getting help, I was also proud of myself. But the medications went from not working, to making my depression worse and increasing my suicidal thoughts. After all of those years of not reaching out, now that I had, I still didn’t know how to be honest with myself or with my doctors and counselors. My suicidal thoughts were at an all-time high, and my mind was telling me I was a failure from all of my past attempts that didn’t work. I was now planning again, but thought I had to try something new.

At this point, my non-religious queer self decided to join a conservative Christian-based college group so that I could join them on a spring break trip to the ocean. The ocean has always been such a peaceful, free, and open place in my mind. This would be the perfect place to finally change my life, and it did just that. I did follow-through with the attempt; however, right at the end I snapped out of it and did a complete 180. Instead of wanting to take my life, I realized I wanted to take control of my life and finally start living.

Most of my life, especially as a child, I always felt like I had no control. I realized a lot of my early suicide attempts were based on finally having a way to feel in control of something. When I was in the ocean that day, it was free, open, and beautiful. However, it was not at all peaceful during that trip. The weather had been bad each day, and there were people even out monitoring the beaches letting visitors know it was not safe to swim due to the waves and high winds. I didn’t listen and swam out farther than was allowed. I felt I was in this weird state of control—I WAS in control because I chose to go on this trip, I got to Florida, and I decided to go into the ocean in the mental state that I was in. I also was NOT in control—the ocean was. I could swim and stay afloat for the most part, but the waves were stronger than me. When I snapped out of it, I really snapped out of it. I got up and started attempting to swim back, and that’s when one of my friends realized how far out I was. They met me part of the way back and convinced me to go inside with them to make sure I was okay.

Shortly after, that same friend made a simple comment that made a huge impact: “You know, sometimes depression meds can actually increase suicidal thoughts.” A simple conversation about mental health was the last push I needed to get more help. Between that conversation, my attempt, and finally being honest with my doctors, I was able to switch medications and found something that worked better for me. This is where clarity started to come into play and became an important role in understanding myself and keeping my resilience strong.

 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

  • Persistence in getting the right diagnosis: After the first couple medication switches, I was doing better, but still not great. Through more time, and continued treatment, my doctors and therapists, along with family and friends started to notice additional symptoms of mine that didn’t fall under just depression and anxiety: poor self-image, addiction, continued suicidal thoughts, age regression, recklessness, self-destructive habits, inability to focus, and not being able to fall asleep, which eventually turned into not being able to stay awake. As each of these symptoms was looked at more closely, it turned into a new diagnosis. PTSD, addiction, ADHD, insomnia, borderline personality disorder, etc. As additional diagnoses came, I’ve been able to try different combinations of treatment. This includes medication, counseling/therapy, DBT groups, hospitalizations and rehab, and a self-help plan.
  • Persistence in getting the right medication: The first step is being honest with your doctor. If the medication isn’t working, let your doctor know and try a new one. Continue this process for as long as needed. Once I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, the medication and treatment for that ended up improving my depression/anxiety more than any medication alone that I had tried specifically for depression/anxiety. Spending enough time with a doctor and/or psychiatrist and being honest is the best way to get a proper diagnosis (or multiple diagnoses).
  • Therapy: There are so many different options for counselors and therapists in South Dakota, as well as throughout the country.Doing a quick Google search and making a phone call (or if you’re anything like me and like to avoid talking on the phone, most places even have the option to email or submit an appointment request online) can help you find somewhere to start.Check to see if your school (middle school/high school or college) has an on-campus counselor. My first counselor was an on-campus counselor at Southeast Technical College in Sioux Falls that I was able to see for free while attending, and they even helped me find another counselor/therapist for after graduation.

    Some employers also have options, if not a specific counselor, they may have EAP programs to get connected with eligible therapists, counselors, or doctors.

    I’ve personally gone to Planned Parenthood and Avera Hospital for general appointments related to mental health.

  • Specialized care: In Sioux Falls, I have specifically gone to both Avera Behavior Hospital and Avera Addiction Care Center for additional help.
  • Crisis resources: I’ve also used resources like the 211 Helpline, NAMI, and various Suicide prevention hotlines/crisis centers (including 988).
  • Reaching out to friends and/or family has also been a great resource for me. A lot of times, they want to help but don’t know how – and sometimes I don’t know how they could help me either. One thing I started asking friends and family who were willing to help, was even just ask for their help finding and getting an appointment with a doctor or therapist set up. Something that seems hard in the moment for someone struggling, but a very simple thing that someone can do for you when they care.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

At first, as each new diagnosis came, so did my denial. “No, it’s not addiction. I’m just depressed” or “No, I can’t have PTSD. It’s just anxiety.” In reality, it was a combination of it all. And the clarity of discovering these new diagnoses and being able to start a form a treatment to help each of them is how I was able to continue to grow and maintain the resilience I’d built up from all of my years struggling silently and alone. I still struggle every day, but I am still here toughing it out, still alive, and more resilient than ever.

If you’re here reading this right now, you’ve likely even started to build up some resilience in yourself, even without realizing it. Look within and see how for you’ve already come. Find as much clarity as you can in yourself to find the areas you need to address to maintain your resilience. Embrace and adapt to change, while learning to enjoy it.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Talk. Talk about suicide, talk about depression, talk about all aspects of mental health. Just a simple conversation can be of more help than most people realize. The simple comment my friend made about how for some people, certain depression medications can actually increase suicidal thoughts was all I needed to get the motivation to be honest with my doctor about my prescription not working.

ACTUALLY call these helplines. I think a lot of people dealing with a mental health crisis or contemplating suicide think calling these helplines isn’t going to work. I know I did before I made my first call. It took me years before I called a suicide helpline for the first time, and I wish I had way sooner. For me, it helped knowing that I’m not calling this number to “cure” myself or “cure” my depression/suicidal thoughts, etc. I’m calling because I need help right now and being alone with my thoughts has just been making it worse. Calling, even if for a short time, can help in some way. They can provide resources; help you get in contact with a medical professional or even checked into the nearest hospital if necessary. But even if you already have some resources or don’t find it necessary to go through all the steps, the conversation with the person on the other side of the phone can even just be used as a distraction to help get your negative thoughts to calm down for the moment.

MaKaylee Kluesner

MaKaylee Kluesner 

Posted on October 1, 2021 by - Uncategorized

Note: We said we’d do 30 stories in 30 days, and we hit that goal yesterday—but we have one more we’d like to share with you. MaKaylee’s story is a good reminder that maintaining our mental health is an ongoing process, and we can strive for resilience at any stage of that journey—even, and perhaps especially, in the midst of dark days.

Thanks for finding the courage to share your story, MaKaylee. We support you in your fight.

 

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

When I was 13 years old, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 cervical cancer. When I received the news that it was terminal and that I would lose my mother forever, I began to self-harm. At this time, I was also being sexually, physically, and emotionally abused. My mother passed away August 24, 2012, when I was just 14 years old.  

I was living in Florida at the time with my mother and maternal grandmother. My father lived in Sioux Falls, S.D. After only meeting him roughly four times in my life, I moved to South Dakota in 2013 to live with a person who was basically a stranger to me.  

I had already developed depression, and soon after my move to South Dakota, I developed anxiety enhanced with family conflict. I struggled with my mental health, went through many counselors before finding a good fit, experienced inpatient treatment through Avera Behavioral Health and Human Services Center, and came out of that feeling okay. This was 2014.  

After graduating high school in 2016, I once again was struggling with depression, anxiety, and self-harm. I attempted suicide in 2017 and in 2018. I got in touch with my family doctor and was referred to a psychiatrist. We spent two years trying multiple medications and doses. In March of 2018, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This illness has been the hardest to overcome. My psychiatrist informed me about DBT, or dialectical behavior therapy. I finally reached out to the therapist that my psychiatrist referred me to in July 2021. As I begin this journey with DBT, I still find myself struggling immensely. My most recent suicide attempt was September 19, 2021. Suicidal thoughts trouble me almost daily, but I am still resilient as ever and pick myself up every morning ready to fight these diseases that try so hard to overcome me. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

Avera Behavioral Health was my first experience of aid. They provided resources on how to help with my self-harming behaviors, and cognitive behavioral therapy resources to help with my depression and anxiety. When that wasn’t enough, HSC was my next best help. In HSC, we had groups for everything: depression, anger, grief & loss, resiliency, and even a survivors group for those who had experienced abuse. I have also had a tremendous amount of help through American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Sanford Psychiatry & Psychology Clinic. Being in touch with people who want to help me and fight this disease has been the greatest success for me. 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

The greatest challenge in my opinion is believing in yourself. When mental illness darkens your world, it can be hard to feel worth living and hopeful for a better future. I found my greatest strength to be resilience. Speak up to those around you so they can celebrate your successes with you. The words “I’m proud of you” and “You are so strong and courageous” go so far in helping those of us who struggle with mental illness find our resiliency. As a community, getting involved with organizations that help fight against this disease can also help those of us who struggle find HOPE. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Not everyone’s story is the same. Mental illness is so complex. Also understanding that it is REAL, just as any physical disease, and that it’s okay to speak up about it. Too many people face these challenges in the dark because they are afraid of speaking up because of the stigma behind it. We NEED to lose the stigma. 

Butchie Corcoran

Butchie Corcoran 

Posted on September 30, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

My older sister Brittany took her life in March of 2016, and since then I’ve battled with having to find my own path in life. When Brittany was here, I was always just following in her footsteps. In the last 5 years I’ve had to figure out who I really am on my own. Losing not only my sister but my best friend has been the hardest part. I took my grief and internalized it, and it turn into anger. It’s hard to overcome the anger when I still have so many questions. I have found a lot of comfort in knowing she is finally at peace and is no longer fighting with herself every day. After an attempt of my own and I started to get the help I needed, I finally found my true Le$bean self and came out to my family and friends. After living as my true self over the past year and a half, I finally found it is OK to be known as Butchie and not just as Britt’s little sister. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

Utilizing my therapist, my Wonder Woman mom, my dog Sebastian and many friends, I have felt the love and support to be BUTCHIE! 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Realizing that the most important opinion of ME comes from ME and the people who love me and not letting anyone else’s opinion change that. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

To be your true self, it has to start with you. 

Phyllis Arends

Phyllis Arends

Posted on September 29, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

My friend’s daughter, Julie, died by suicide when she was a college student. Julie was truly an “all-American girl.” She was loved by so many. She was an excellent nursing student and active in many college activities. The saddest part of this story is that she was able to hide her suicidal thoughts from those close to her. I had seen her three days before her death and she seemed her normal bubbly self. Her roommate did not notice any changes in Julie’s activities or demeanor. Yet, Julie left a detailed description of how she wanted her funeral handled. Looking back some people now realize she gave away some personal possessions. At the time she did this, it just seemed she wanted to share with those she cared about.  

I want to reach the Julies of the world and encourage them to seek help. Hundreds of people would have done anything for Julie if they had known she was hurting. I’m certain others also have a lot of people who would be happy to help them if they just share how they are feeling. The most difficult thing can be to reach out when it seems the world is dark. The world can be better with some help from professionals. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

Getting involved in suicide prevention efforts. I need to feel like I am helping people seek help for mental health challenges. I encourage people to call 211 and get connected with the support groups they offer. 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Talk, talk, talk. I think the more conversations we have about mental health problems the more “normal” they will become, and people will feel less ashamed to say they are receiving treatment for one of these medical conditions. And, please receive professional help when you are struggling. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Mental health problems are medical conditions like any other ailment our bodies may have. I’ve never heard anyone say the body only gets ill from the neck down. 

Michaela Seiber

Michaela Seiber 

Posted on September 28, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

In July 2018, my friend Taylor died by suicide. She had just moved from Sioux Falls to Omaha, and she was struggling. Taylor moved to Omaha for a fresh start; she had lived in Sioux Falls much of her life and was trying to find some answers to some big questions. One day I got a call from a friend, letting me know Taylor was in the hospital in Omaha after a suicide attempt. I knew she was dealing with a lot after her move, but the last time I saw her (Pride in the Park, June 2018), she was optimistic about things turning around. That was the last time I saw her in person, the last time I hugged her. We quickly formed a Facebook group of friends to do what we did best: organize and pool resources. Friends took turns staying with Taylor while she recovered after being home from the hospital. She started some new meds but continued to face financial burdens and identity crises. We sent cards, texts, and snaps, thinking we could keep her afloat from a distance. One night, we realized nobody had heard from her. One friend was coming back from Omaha and another was heading down in a couple of days; we thought we had surrounded her in enough love and comfort to get her through those couple of days alone. In the middle of the night, the police were called to check on her because she wasn’t answering calls or texts. Taylor had left us. That same year, I had my first panic attack and started the same anxiety medication she used to end her life. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

Access to affordable medication and healthcare. 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

I still don’t know that answer. Talking openly about mental health and how we cope can destigmatize therapy and anxiety/depression medications, encouraging others to seek this help. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Don’t measure your mental health journey against anyone else’s yard stick. 

 

Victoria Penny

Victoria Penny

Posted on September 26, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

At age 12, I was diagnosed with atypical depression, but I wasn’t prescribed medication until I was 23. For those 11 years, I fought to stay alive. I self-harmed for most of that time and attempted suicide once at age 15. I drank recklessly from 15 to 21 and was in an abusive (emotional, psychological, physical, and sexual) relationship from 16 to 21. The decision not to have me on medication was my parent’s choice, out of fear of the black box warnings for consumption under 18. When I got my own insurance, it didn’t cover mental health, and I couldn’t afford it. I dealt with daily intrusive thoughts and consistent nightmares. When I was 22, I had nightmares for 13 straight weeks. That was the cue for my new therapist to prescribe me medication. Soon after, they diagnosed me with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, severe anxiety, insomnia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, adult attention deficit disorder, and (again) severe atypical depression.  

At age 22, I finally came out as a lesbian, and realized that holding that in was having detrimental effects on me. Yes, things got better, but there was no magic fix or magic pill. I had to actively combat the urge to end my life and pull myself out of the dangerous situations that I was in.  

My mental health isn’t perfect, and I am still on medication and seeing a therapist regularly. My last self-harm was 3 months ago, and while I’m doing well now, I know that mental health is an uphill battle. I am now married to an incredible partner, have an excellent job, and loving pets. At age 27, I can honestly say that I didn’t expect to live this long. I never expected to see life beyond 21, and all that it entails. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

Therapy sessions regularly. Finding medications that work for me. 

 
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Create a culture of openness and acceptance in your home. Acknowledge neurodivergencies and offer aid. 

 
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

It is so much more common than you think. 

Tayler McCarty

Tayler McCarty

Posted on September 25, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I was introduced to the word suicide at age 13. A good friend of mine came to me about a “suicide pact.” Being so young, still so naïve to what the world had in store for my life, I agreed. Talking about how sad we were and making these plans it almost felt like planning a play date, not our final moments. The day we had chosen was set for two days before our very first day of high school. I had then changed my mind, still treating this plan so lightly and not seriously, I asked her over and over on social media for her to let us at least go to one day of school, but her mind was set. I don’t think at age 13 I knew the severity of “death.” Final was something I don’t think I could nor can I still wrap my brain around. That crisp September morning, I woke up to a phone call. She was gone. She left without me. To this day I carry around the guilt of not telling anyone. If only I would have done something. I felt like such a coward for staying. She left this world alone, and I will live with that forever.

Losing her changed my life in so many ways. After that my mental health spiraled downward. I was put on anti-depressants and played roulette with psych meds, trying to find something that worked. I have attempted suicide three times.

At age 22, I got pregnant with my son and lost him at 23 weeks pregnant. I delivered him unexpectedly alone, at home. After two blood transfusions and two surgeries, I developed a highly addictive relationship with narcotics, which lead me into the next six years living life in addiction. During one detox off of opiates I got desperate and graduated to methamphetamine. At this point I had developed schizophrenia on top of my already diagnosed anxiety, manic depression (with suicidal ideations and tendencies), ADHD, dissociative disorder, and an eating disorder (body dysmorphia).

I have had three substance abuse treatment stays. For the last one, I was away from home and my two daughters for 4 months. I will celebrate 3 years clean and sober on January 2, 2022.

I still battle my mental health struggles daily. However, every day I am dedicated to taking care of myself and my mental health as well as helping others. Three months ago, I achieved a goal I have had since I was a junior in high school—I finally got myself into a spot mentally and physically where I applied to become a crisis counselor for the crisis text line. After a long submission and them contacting references, I was accepted! It has been an amazing feeling to give back to the same places that helped me pull through some of my darkest days. I want people to know it’s okay to not be okay, and there is hope and help out there. You matter. Your story matters. SO STAY.

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

The support and family I have built around me. My resilience and strength to keep pushing on. Podcasts and Ted talks. A couple mental health mentors along the way.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

Shame dies when stories are told in safe places. Bottom line, we need to be making places more “talk” or “open door” friendly. There needs to be more educational tools given to certain work fields. We need to be teaching our children about healthy coping skills, rather than pretending it won’t happen or thinking if we bring hard subjects up to our kids that maybe it’s planting a seed in their heads to do those things. Stopping the stigma that kids should be seen and not heard. We need support groups for all ages in grief, dual diagnosis, etc.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

This too shall pass. Do not make a permanent decision for a temporary problem. What you feel now is not a forever feeling. And there’s hope and help out there. Everyone’s story matters, and tomorrow wouldn’t be the same without you in it.

Lynne Jones

Lynne Jones

Posted on September 22, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

For most of my life, I never felt good enough. That feeling wasn’t caused by anything or anyone in particular. It just was always there. And the older I got, the worse it became.

When I was 27, I got married. Looking back on it now, one of the reasons I got married was a fear of NEVER getting married because I was already so old. By year 7, I was very unhappy, but figured it was my fault. If I were a better wife, better working mother, better cook … better everything, I would be happy. But I soon began picking up extra jobs, working more hours, because “we needed the money,” but in reality, it was an escape from having to be at home— where I always felt like a failure and where I was miserable. No one ever knew how I felt, though. I never said a word about it, not even to my husband or my family. I always had a smile on my face. Everything was always great. I couldn’t admit I felt like a failure in my own life.

But the stress of trying to keep it all together began to take its toll, and I stopped eating and began cutting. I could pass the weight loss off as a high metabolism and being busy. And I wore long sleeves. I got down to a dangerously low weight, I was having trouble breathing and my heartbeat became erratic. I finally went to the doctor, who wanted to schedule me for a pysch eval. I promised I would eat (which I did) and promised I would keep the appointment (which I didn’t).  

During this time, I slowly began to build a small network of people from my church I could trust. I didn’t share much, but I began to give them glimpses of how I felt. And they began to tell me that I was enough. That I was strong and beautiful and worthy exactly the way I was. I didn’t have to pretend to be something or someone I was not. And they were there for me at my lowest moments; when I finally had had enough and almost drove my car into a bridge abutment, one of them answered my call. And a few years ago, when I finally had had enough and abruptly ended my 23-year marriage and started over with no money and no place to live, one of them answered my call. And because of them, I’m still here. I don’t need a lot of friends in this world. I just need the few that will be there through it all. But in order to find them, I had to let them in. And that was really hard. Being authentic and vulnerable is so scary. But for me, that’s when healing truly began. 

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

For me, it was just my small circle of friends. But I fully support using the mental health community as resources. Therapy and medication are important tools in helping people work through challenging times. 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

I think the more people share their stories, the more it helps others who might be suffering silently like I was. We live in a world that emphasizes and rewards the perfect lives we see on social media. And that is so harmful. We hide behind filters and work to stage the perfect life. Authenticity and honesty lead to understanding and acceptance. Acceptance helps build resilience and community, and that can change the world. 

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

People who say they are fine, often are not. And they likely won’t reach out when they are struggling. If you sense that something is off, rather than saying, “let me know if you need anything” (because they won’t), try a simple “I don’t know what you’re going through, but I want you to know that you matter to me. And if you want someone to talk to, take a walk with, or just sit with you in silence. I’m here.” It could make all the difference. 

Bridget Swier

Bridget Swier

Posted on September 21, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

The moonlight reflected off the still water, and all I could think as I sat alone on the beach in the dark with a giant bottle of whiskey was, “I want to feel the kind of stillness and peace the moon and the water have. Maybe if I walk out into the water, let it consume me and not fight it, this unbearable pain in my chest and heart will be gone.” I was exhausted from carrying a heaviness in my chest, heart, and soul for most of my life.  

 Looking back, I can see this as a warning sign of the danger I would soon be in because a few short months after that night, I would try to end my life.  

The pain I had been carrying from a lifetime of unresolved trauma was taking complete control over my life. I had tried everything to escape facing the excruciating feelings of worthlessness, abandonment, rejection, and agony associated with surviving every form of abuse possible over my 35 years of life. Nothing I tried was healthy or worked long-term, and many of the unhealthy coping skills led to more trauma created by my own choices. I used drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. I felt so unlovable I searched for validation in risky sexual behavior outside of my marriage. I overate, over-exercised, overworked, furthered my education, and tried to put on the mask of a perfect wife and mother. It was only a matter of time before all those vices stopped serving their numbing and escaping purpose and presented a whole other set of problems for me to face. The consequences of my poor coping skills became so great I only caused myself more pain and shame.  

I was so good at hiding my suffering from almost everyone around me. Those who knew me from the outside didn’t see all the ugly I felt inside. Many people referred to me as a “success” given all the trauma I experienced. My perspective was the polar opposite. I knew I had always been a fighter, resourceful, and did what I needed to do to survive, but I was tired of just surviving life. I didn’t want to continue to feel that life was only about surviving; I wanted to feel internal peace, happiness, and joy, which had always eluded me. I didn’t have the energy to keep fighting to find it anymore. The force of the knockout punch from life was just around the corner and would be the lowest point in my life.   

After chasing another hollow relationship with a man filled with false promises and no foundation, I had filed for divorce. The relationship would be my next quick fix to find the happiness I longed for, but I felt conflicted about walking away from a marriage with so much time invested in it. My soon-to-be ex-husband of 17 years saw me spiraling out of control. 

On the night of my suicide attempt, I drank heavily and came home after the bars closed. I imagine in his frustration; my husband threatened to take full custody of the children. The thought of this was more than I could bear. In my eyes, they were the lifeline I had clung to for so long, and he just threatened to rip them away from me. Mid-fight, I walked into our bedroom and tried to end my life. He came back to our room, saw what I was doing, moved to stop me, and immediately called 911. 

I don’t remember much after he called 911. But I do recall my four children standing in the doorway of their rooms, crying as they watched their mom roll down the hallway on a stretcher to the ambulance. Days later, when I woke up, I remember their father sitting beside my hospital bed clutching photos of our children and with tears streaming down his face begging me to live for them. The guilt and shame I carried from that night and what my ex-husband and children witnessed would haunt me for several years. 

I had mixed feelings immediately following my suicide attempt. I was angry and embarrassed because I had failed to end my pain. I was worried about what people would think of me when they found out. I was in so much pain before, and it felt so much worse after I woke up. Surviving confirmed all the worst beliefs I had about myself. I couldn’t even get dying right. Yet, I didn’t necessarily want to die, but I desperately wanted the anguish to die. How was I going to pick myself up this time? Where do I go for help if I don’t want to die? My life felt so out of control with no idea how to gain some sense of composure, find a will to live and keep fighting.  

It was a slow and tedious process to find the path of recovery that worked and fit for me. It was painful as hell to face all I had been trying to escape for so long, but it was the only way I wouldn’t find myself right back fighting myself for my life. I realized I needed to put as much, if not more effort, into healing from the inside out as I had in finding ways to avoid the pain.  

Complex trauma meant complex treatment combinations. I needed medication to help stabilize my mood and emotions. I couldn’t deal with my PTSD and severe depression without helping my brain manage it with medication. I found a personal counselor who was well trained in complex trauma and met weekly for two years. Over time, my therapy planted the seed of hope that it might be possible to find my way out of the darkness and into the light. I started to dig deep to find out who I was, not who I told myself I was because of the violation’s others had committed against me. I had to learn to combat the negative self-talk that crept into my mind. Slowly, I gained strength, and my courage to keep facing the heartache increased. 

Five years after my attempt, I felt strong enough to use my story to help others, and I began a career in suicide prevention and working with families who have lost a loved one to suicide. Never in a million years did I think everything I went through would serve a greater mission, and my story would be the driving force for a passion in letting others know they are not alone.  

It has been eight years since I tried to take my life, and I still am mindful of my mental health. I still take medications, have weekly counseling sessions, learn about self-care, and enriching healthy relationships. I continue to learn about shame, release it, and discover who I am again as an empty nester and a loving wife. Life’s hardships can still be overwhelming to balance, but today I feel far more equipped to manage them in a healthy, productive way. There are still times where the residual effects of trauma rear their ugly head. I now know I am strong enough to thrive through those moments and am reassured, knowing they are just for a moment.  

   

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

At the time of my attempt, I did not feel like there were many resources aside from psychiatry, counseling, and close trusted friends. I utilized advice from my psychiatrist for medication recommendations to find the right combination of medicine that would make my PTSD and depression more manageable. I utilized a counselor who was very knowledgeable in trauma, leaned on my trusted friends, and explored my faith beliefs to find a church who offered other kinds of support groups. When I attempted there were no suicide attempt support groups to attend.  

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Yes, mental wellness is an individual’s responsibility, but it is not something to be done alone. As a community, we need to gather around and embrace those struggling and reinforce the reassurance no one has to go through hardships alone. Judgment serves only the purpose of shaming and guilt; it serves no positive purpose and causes additional harm. One may not understand the suffering an individual is going through, but a conversation built on the foundation of understanding, compassion, and empathy can make an enormous difference. It is everyone’s responsibility to be educated about suicide and offer support. It is dangerous to think, “this doesn’t or won’t affect me, so why get involved until it impacts my life?” Sadly, it can be too late by then. Take advantage of classes and workshops offered on how to hold the hard conversation about suicide. You could save a life by knowing how to address it properly and where to get someone, or yourself, help.  

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Anyone can be affected by mental health challenges and suicide. Suicide does not care about social status, employment, income, education, race, gender, age, or religion.    

Sydney Bartunek Bender

Sydney Bartunek Bender

Posted on September 20, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

At times growing up I’ve needed to take a breath.  

I had many adverse childhood experiences: Divorce, relatives struggling with alcoholism and drug use, relatives dying by suicide, violence in the home, becoming a primary caregiver for my dad at 17 years old, and experiencing his death 10 years later. 

I’ve endured trauma, pain, and panic attacks, and I know I am not alone. 

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

It’s often through our own experiences that we find ways to serve others. I grew up dancing and was able to use movement to help me process those times that I felt completely numb—then when things felt unbearable in college is when I found mindfulness, yoga, and meditation.  

These are the techniques I wanted to share through Move To Heal South Dakota, a 501c3 nonprofit organization I founded in December 2019. 

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

My experience is based in using movement and mindfulness to overcome adversity and build resilience.  

At Move To Heal SD, our goal is to help children live to their full potential, and we’ve found the best way to do that is by providing access to professional development opportunities and education to those teachers, coaches, counselors, and afterschool providers who are most connected to the children we want to reach.  

 We also bring movement and mindfulness opportunities directly to underserved populations at afterschool programs such as Sioux Falls Thrive’s Kidlink Riverside Program.  

 In addition, we train and certify teachers, coaches, counselors and afterschool providers at partnering organizations, so they can become equipped to confidently share mind-body practices within their networks.   

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

You’re not alone. There is hope.  

Kayla Koterwski-Tate

Kayla Koterwski-Tate 

Posted on September 18, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

I have severe obsessive compulsive disorder in several forms, as well as clinical anxiety — for me experiences with suicidal ideation and the most difficult moments of my mental health journey all revolved around wanting pain to end, and to not feel so broken and alone. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

Medication, therapy, journaling, spirituality. 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

When I realized that my experience with mental illness does not define my worth, and that I’m certainly not alone in those experiences, I felt more able to ask for help and support. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Most people contemplating suicide, or finding themselves withdrawn in response to their mental illness, are often just actually trying our best to survive. Grace and understanding in the face of that is everything. 

 

 

Alison Rollag

Alison Rollag

Posted on September 17, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

My freshman year of high school was difficult. I had extremely low self-esteem and felt like an outsider, struggling to find a place where I fit. I felt isolated and alone. My depression grew, and my hope of finding friends and a place where I belonged diminished. My mind raced, and I became very negative and thought, “Maybe I’m not made for this life.” My vision was clouded. The mental filter I was seeing through blocked out all the good I had in my life and turned me in to a miserable cynic.  

All of my struggles came to a head when my mom attempted suicide, and my brother and I got in to an intense argument that led to a panic attack. I remember feeling so alone and heartbroken. I moved between a couple households in an attempt to escape my situation and the resentment I felt toward my mother and brother. Suicide crossed my mind at various points. It wasn’t until an argument with the family I was staying with and high emotional intensity that I decided I wanted to be done and give up fully.  

Thankfully, I was able to get the help and support I needed to see that life is worth living. I began to attend counseling sessions and take medication, and my world opened up. It was as if the heavy, black cloud lifted, and I was seeing in vivid colors again.  

In working with patients in crisis, I am familiar with the fluid nature of suicidal thoughts. I acknowledge the reality that they may continue to come and go even after crisis subsides. It’s important not to give extra power to these thoughts and to challenge them as needed. Remember, you are not defined by your thoughts!  

It has not been an easy road, but I can proudly say that I have a successful career in mental health, rewarding relationships, and an optimistic outlook. I use affirmations and other coping skills to remember my life matters and life is beautiful. My family, friends, faith, nature, and the patients I serve are all reasons for living. I am grateful I continued living and feel equipped to meet the stressors of life, being confident in myself and those that support me. Life is worth living—you just have to give yourself the opportunity and time to see why. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

I am blessed to have a wonderful family that supports me and friends that are genuine, thoughtful, and encouraging. Most people don’t realize how many people care about them. It’s important to reach out and know that there’s always someone available to talk whether it be loved ones or the 24/7 national suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. 

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Resilience starts with communication. This could be with others or yourself. Positive self-talk and affirmations have been transformative in my life. You are the only one who truly knows what you need to hear. Seeking outward approval or validation often leads to disappointment. Know that you are worthy! I believe that happiness and peace come from within. I teach and utilize concepts such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). I use CBT to overcome negative and/or distorted thoughts. I use DBT to accept reality for what it is, mindfulness to be present, and journaling to express thoughts and feelings. You are not defined by thoughts and emotions; however, our actions do matter. These skills combined with yoga, singing, and creativity have helped me to lead a more peaceful life. I encourage everyone to be open to finding what outlets work best for them. Above all, remember that building a life worth living takes time and practice. The outcome will be worth the journey. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

My favorite quote is “Comparison is the thief of joy” by Theodore Roosevelt. This life is your own, and therefore, comparing yourself to others isn’t helpful. Instead, lean toward compassion, knowing we are all doing the best that we can.  

Stephanie Fischer

Stephanie Fischer

Posted on September 16, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

Since being diagnosed with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder at the age of 17, I have struggled loving myself and treating myself kindly, both mentally and physically. Starting in college, moments of panic and anxiety led to self-harm in various forms. Heavy drinking in college led to an endless loop of hangover anxiety and depression that often lasted days, only for the cycle to start over. This continued at least two years into my professional career. At the age of 28, I’m finally learning to appreciate and love myself as the only human or thing I should love more than anything and truly take care of my mental health. 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

The safe and lovely community at The Yoga Studio in Rapid City has truly saved me. The teachers encourage self-love and appreciation of our bodies and our breath as sources of life. Having struggled with my relationship with myself, being reminded in every class that I have one body that serves me in every unique way has been a saving grace. 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Modeling self-love and self-care is so important in building a resilient community. That starts with safe, judgement-free spaces. I hope my loved ones know that they are not a burden to me, and if time to rest their bodies and minds replaces our plans, I am just as happy. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

I wish people understood that we are human beings, not human doings. It’s so important to listen to our minds and our bodies. If you need to rest, then rest. Cancel those plans, take that sick day, do something that makes you happy because at the end of the day, the relationship you have with yourself should be the most important. 

 

Erik Muckey

Erik Muckey

Posted on September 15, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

After completing my undergraduate studies at the University of South Dakota (USD) in May 2014, I experienced a significant depressive episode and experienced almost daily suicide ideation until I received professional support in late summer 2014. Had I not received this support, it’s quite likely I would not be here writing this story.  

As a student at USD, I wouldn’t be someone you would expect to experience depression so severely. I came to USD on a nearly full-ride academic scholarship, became highly involved in some of the most visible professional and student organizations, served as student body president, and co-founded a mental health student organization that would go on to become my full-time employer (Lost&Found). I had wonderful friends, a supportive family, lots of connections in the community, and was well-liked by those who knew me. It was difficult, if not impossible, to see my ongoing battle with burnout and social anxiety throughout my college years.  

I would come home from breaks completely exhausted, not adapting from a rural community where you could quite literally do everything, and having little to no understanding of mental health other than stories of family and community members who experienced alcoholism, depression, and anxiety. Or worse, had died by suicide. Mental health and suicide weren’t discussed regularly, and until I saw it firsthand, I couldn’t empathize with the experience. It simply wasn’t real to me. I trivialized my own mental health, at my own expense. I also didn’t give myself enough room to breathe or grieve several losses of close family and friends in the four years at USD, especially friends who had died by suicide.  

By the time I reached my senior year, the act of trivializing my mental health came to a head. After loading overwhelming amounts of student organization responsibility on my shoulders, as well as trying to complete an honors thesis, regular coursework, and serve as student body president, I began to fall into depression. I walked across the stage at USD with no job lined up, some of my closest friends spreading across the country, and my identity as a community leader in question. Things kept getting lower, it seemed, and I couldn’t imagine living anymore with that kind of pain.  

I didn’t create a plan or attempt suicide, but I did journal about how I was feeling. When I actually read what I was writing, something snapped in me for a moment. After spending the past four years as part of Lost&Found’s early team and supporting families who had lost loved ones to suicide, I realized how far down I was and knew immediately I needed to get help. For one lucid moment, I couldn’t imagine the pain I would have caused my family and friends had I not gotten the help I needed.  

That summer, I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety and began a long-term journey of receiving cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) that has been an absolute godsend. Over the past seven years, I’ve been able to dig into behaviors that kept me from living a resilient life and begin to shift my own perceptions of mental health and suicide in the process.  

That same summer, our team at Lost&Found also experienced significant transitions, as our fellow founder, president, and visionary DJ Smith stepped down from the board. While I didn’t know what the future of our suicide prevention organization would be, my experiences with suicide ideation and starting treatment led me to commit to serving as the new, permanent president of Lost&Found.  

Seven years later, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Suicide prevention wasn’t a field I ever thought I’d be in, but if it weren’t for my experiences with depression and suicide ideation, I wouldn’t be as empathetic and committed to serving others through Lost&Found. Though I’ve had my dark days since, I know that I’m equipped and capable of getting the help I need. It’s possible to learn resilience. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?  

The support of my immediate family, close friends, and professional mentors made it easier for me to both seek professional support and navigate the journey of improving my mental health. Weekly cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helped me gradually find hope after experiencing suicide ideation, and I’ve continued CBT on a regular basis over the past seven years to navigate later episodes with depression and anxiety. 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

No matter how lost you feel now or how much hope you’ve found, we will all face struggles in our lives, big and small. What is important to remember is that we can all learn how to navigate life’s struggles by building up our own resilience and finding ways to help others do the same. We can make life better for others and for our communities in so many ways, but ultimately, it comes back to us. Self-awareness is key to understanding what mental health and resilience look like for you, and as they say, “if you’re pouring from an empty cup,” it’s going to be difficult to contribute to a resilient community. Look inward at your own resilience and seek what you need to grow. Then, look outward at how you can be of service to others. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Mental health conditions are one of the biggest risk factors to suicide, but we often forget that life circumstances (e.g., economic distress, relationship challenges, etc.) also create risk for suicide. Do not discount the challenges you and others may be experiencing, because they may become a burden that is too hard to carry. Suicide can impact anyone, and it’s absolutely essential to be mindful of suicide risk for ourselves and for each other. 

Wendy Mamer

Wendy Mamer

Posted on September 14, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

My dad died by suicide in Brookings, S.D., in 2017.  

Following my dad’s death, I really struggled for the first few months. I tried counseling, but it didn’t go well. I didn’t have any rapport with the therapist I had met with (and I also didn’t see a way that there could ever be), and it gave me a bad impression of what therapy was. I bought a house, and the basement flooded, so we had to buy all new carpet. I had gotten engaged four days prior to my dad’s death and was trying to plan a wedding. I had an ovarian cyst rupture, and I had to have emergency surgery, which left me out of work for nearly four weeks, some unpaid, which was terrifying because Kyle, my husband, had just recently started his doctorate in nurse anesthesia program where he wasn’t earning an income. Not only was I struggling with my own grief from my dad’s death, but I was also facing major financial and medical hurdles that make it stressful for anyone enduring those situations. I remember lying in bed, sobbing uncontrollably, thinking, “How the hell is this my life right now?”  

I called a friend, and she just listened. It was then that I decided I needed to do something to get help, and I reached out for counseling for the second time. I was able to get connected with a counselor from Family Services, here in Sioux Falls, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I still see that same counselor, and not only has she helped me with my grief, but she has also helped me professionally and personally, too. Counseling is such a self-reflective experience that I’ve learned SO much about myself and others. 

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

I have found counseling to be incredibly helpful, as well as finding ways to use my voice to create awareness surrounding suicide prevention and mental health education. It is important to me to find a way to use my painful experience to help others feel less alone.  

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

I think increasing education at a young age is critical. We talk about our physical health, in health class, growing up. We know that we shouldn’t eat bad foods. Some of us even “jump rope for heart” to raise awareness for heart disease. But we don’t talk about the other aspect of our health that all of us have, and that’s our mental health.  

There’s this idea that we have to grow and be “strong” through adversity. Sometimes strength looks like tears. Sometimes strength looks like therapy. Sometimes strength is reaching out for help. But it starts with knowing and understanding that we need to pay attention to and understand our mental health. 

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

 The happiest people hurt, too.  

 

You can hear more from Wendy in her conversation on the Sept. 14 episode of the Great Minds with Lost&Found podcast.

Nick Maddock

Nick Maddock

Posted on September 12, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

On November 30th, 2015, I got the worst call of my life. While I was 5,000 miles away from home in the Costa Rican jungle, my mom called to tell me that my dad had taken his life. The days and weeks that followed were as expected—confusion, dismay, and a lot of questions.  

But what came in the months to follow was actually rather surprising. It was a renewed sense of purpose and strengthened resilience. As weird as it is to say, from a perspective of growth, I look back at this time in my life as one of the greatest gifts that I have ever received. Today, still 5 years later, I am able to walk with the confidence that if I can overcome that experience, I can simple overcome anything that life throws at me. While my dad’s suicide shattered me in 100 ways, it grew me in 1,000. I became more empathetic, compassionate, and caring. I dig deep into learning about and combatting the factors that lead to suicide. I joined the board of directors of Lost&Found. And I began a lifelong journey to honor my dad’s legacy.  

Unfortunately, I don’t have the secret sauce to what led me from despair to resilience. But what I do know is that it wouldn’t have been possible without the support of my friends and family. They were the bridge over the rough waters.  

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

The greatest resource was my friends and family. I didn’t rely or seek any particular institutions or organizations.  

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

To me, it all comes down to having a network that will support you. This can stem from family, friends, acquaintances, or even folks you barely know on social media.  

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

That there is no single major “source” of suicide. It’s a multifaceted issue driven by millions of different factors. The best way to combat it is through a general approach of building resilience in ourselves and our communities.  

Kari Clark

Kari Clark

Posted on September 11, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

We have a painful story of mental health conditions and suicide, yet we fight to find hope, and resilience in our journey. It is difficult to know where to even start . . . we have a history of mental health conditions in our family. For one of my children, his symptoms appeared at the young age of four. Due to his mental health disorders, he was hospitalized several times and eventually admitted to long-term care. It was years of advocating for what was best for him and years of trial and error on medication and therapy. Even though he continues to receive support for his mental health conditions, he is able to use his skills and gifts through working, volunteering, and spending time with others.  

My other son did not exhibit mental health conditions until his teens. Instead of properly medicating himself, he began using alcohol and drugs to ease the pain of the deep depression and anxiety that plagued his mind daily. As a result, this created acute mental health problems. He was hospitalized several times for suicide attempts and alcohol addiction, imprisoned for his actions, and lived on and off the streets. Despite his challenges, he was a beautiful and intelligent person who was given the gift of music, which he used to minister to the people on the streets, in jails, and in mental health hospitals. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see the gifts within himself and ended his life February 19, 2020, at the age of 26.  

It has been a difficult journey for our family and so many others struggling with mental health conditions. One thing I always told my boys is we must have HOPE on our journey! We want to help others feel that sense of hope too. We created a nonprofit called Journey of Hope. We openly talk about mental health disorders, addiction, and homelessness with the community and involve them in filling a drawstring backpack with basic needs, a new pair of socks, and resource materials to give to the homeless or individuals in social programs to give them hope on their journey. 

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) has been an excellent resource in offering free educational classes as well as family and individual support groups.  

The HelpLine Center has been another beneficial resource with their Suicide Hotline as well as their ASIST training for individuals, teachers and groups. 

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

In my opinion, we must continue to educate ourselves, our loved ones, and our community about mental health conditions and suicide. We must involve the community in this process by gaining a greater understanding of one another and how we can help others on their journey.  

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

There is hope! 

Angela Drake

Angela Drake

Posted on September 10, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

I lost my daughter Brittany to suicide in 2016 after a long battle with mental health. She was an all-American girl—she was at the top in sports and grades. She also had depression and anxiety. She was very focused on performance, which as a perfectionist hindered her mental health.  

She was very willing to get help. My family and I fought for her, and she was in and out of treatment for multiple years. Sadly, there weren’t enough resources and support at the time—not enough research to save her.  

Immediately after her suicide, I went into a deep form of grief and didn’t realize. It looked like caretaking in that moment and for a long time after. I didn’t take care of myself because I was focused on taking care of others, so they didn’t go through what I went through. Now I prioritize self-care. Grief changed me, because it’s complicated and doesn’t go away. Learning to take care of myself allowed me the perspective needed to take care of others. 

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

Community, family, friends, our hockey family, and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I now serve as the board chair for the South Dakota chapter. I have taken my tears and turned them into armor to help others find resources for mental health, support other loss survivors, support others with lived experience, and work with nonprofits locally and nationally to help fund research, education, advocacy, and loss support. 

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Resilience is not always something we can see in ourselves, especially when we need it the most.  Building it into our communities and support systems for others and finding the right support for one another when it’s needed is the bases of the best support for mental health. The sooner we can show children, teens, and young adults how to find resilience in their communities, the sooner they learn how to find it within themselves, too. 

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Depression can look different for everyone. 

Mikaela Fischer

Mikaela Fischer

Posted on September 9, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

In 2005, my aunt (also my godmother) died by suicide less than a week after Thanksgiving and two weeks before my grandpa passed away from brain cancer. And in 2020 my great uncle died by suicide.

My family was not completely upfront with me about how both my great uncle and my aunt passed away. When I was younger, I learned from my friends on the playground that my aunt had died by suicide and it was not until after directly asking that I was told he had died by suicide. This shame and silence around both of these deaths shaped the way that I thought about death, loss, and suicide.

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

It has been a continuous process for me that has included lots of talking with friends and therapy. At the time my aunt passed, I was only 9 years old, so it was more difficult for me to process these emotions. Now that I am older, I have begun the process of understanding and allowing myself to feel sad. I studied psychology and graduate school and having this education and background has also allowed me to find the “facts” in suicidal ideations and events, something that was not addressed in my family. I have also gotten really involved in fundraising and advocating for suicide awareness. This has really helped me share parts of my story and find peace in knowing that it impacts so many. 

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Building resilience is a process. It is not something that is done overnight, for both individuals and communities. Resilience takes practice and endless support from those you are surrounded with. I would say finding a network of people that you can talk to is huge. I think healing and resilience takes time. Talking to people and taking the time to process is a huge part of helping yourself comprehend the magnitude of what you have gone through as a survivor of loss. Conversations have helped me learn to think in new ways about my aunt and others who have died by suicide. These conversations need to happen not only on an individual level but also as a community. 

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Mental health is not a weakness, and suicide should be talked about because it is something very real and not processing the emotions surrounding suicide and loss can be so hurtful to other relationships. 

Jack

Jack

Posted on September 8, 2021 by - Uncategorized

Jack preferred not to give his last name.  

  

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

When I was 12 years old, I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. Ever since I was a little guy, I remember obsessing over random things. My mom remembers that I used to have to get up 30 minutes earlier each day to make sure thinks were just right. For example, my socks had to feel perfect.  

Fast forward to middle school, and I became obsessed with germs around the time of H1N1. I struggled with that quietly until high school. I also became very school obsessed. I would do homework from the time I got home after school until I went to bed. I would even wake up at 3 a.m. to make sure details were just right. Everything had to be perfect. 

Again, I kept this quiet through 9th and 10th grade. I think my parents assumed I was studying extra hard. However, in 11th grade, things worsened. As graduation and college started to get closer, I started not being able to get out of bed. I stopped going to school. My parents were supportive, but I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone else.  

I had people from my high school—staff members—tell me I was lazy. People were making fun of me at school. It all felt like too much, and I attempted suicide around Christmas of my junior year. 

After my attempt, I told my parents what was going on. I remember listening to them talk about how their insurance would not pay for my treatment, but they decided to pay out of pocket to have me get care at Rogers Memorial Hospital. I was there for a month, and when I came back to school, there were so many rumors. Everything from juvenile detention to cancer. 

Eventually I finished high school online, and things have improved since. 

I never told anyone but my family and close friends. I was even hesitant to share this today, but if it helps anyone else going through something similar, then I accomplished my goal. 

Honestly, the only reason I am where I am today is because of my support system—my friends and family. I realized how much it helps to talk about how I feel—it doesn’t make me less of a person to talk about my mental health, and I am no longer ashamed of having bad days. Today, I am studying to get a master’s in public health. I want to make a difference. If I can help anyone the way I was helped, it would make my entire career worth it. 

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

Friends and family.

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

I think it is important to value personal milestones. Personally, I look back at barely being able to go to high school to graduating with a pre-med degree. During these times, I remember little victories that led to the larger outcome. 

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

It’s OK to talk about your mental health and your bad days. 

Katrina Yde

Katrina Yde

Posted on September 7, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

My story is long, winding, painful, but hopeful. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and anorexia for more than half of my life. Being forced to face life with these struggles and after the loss of several family members forced me to ask for help even when I didn’t want to keep living and felt I couldn’t be helped. 

When I was a freshman in high school, I had moved to a much bigger school and was struggling to make friends. I was always a very anxious adolescent with perfectionistic tendencies and was competitive in dance and figure skating. I remember someone pointing out calories on a box of candy and stating, “That’s a lot of calories,” and suddenly, I became really obsessive about different diets, calories, and exercise and began restricting my food intake. I was isolating and solely focused on what I ate and the numbers on the scale. I knew I was losing weight, but I didn’t understand how unhealthy I had become and how dangerously underweight I was. I was constantly having crying spells and anger outbursts at my family and knew something was wrong but didn’t want to admit to it. My dance instructor and girls in my class were commenting on how I looked “sick” and I also had some family members express their concern. I remember finally looking in a mirror one night and couldn’t recognize the girl looking back at me. I finally broke down one night and said I needed help and my parents took me to a doctor the next day and we were then referred to a therapist. I began going to therapy once a week and began a “refeeding” process to put weight back on. I was extremely resistant to all of it at first, but I knew I needed to face my fears if I wanted to live but honestly there were several times that I didn’t want to. I labeled myself as sick, weird, messed up, crazy, weak, etc. for having “problems.” 

Therapy not only saved my life but changed it for the better. I learned there were a lot of items I needed to address besides just my eating disorder, and as I began to get physically healthier, my mental health improved as well. I was considered “in recovery” a couple years later but continued to struggle with disordered eating, which also exacerbated the depression and anxiety. After taking psychology classes in high school, I decided that one day I would like to become a therapist or a social worker in order to help others. I realized that life is not meant to be lived alone, and you don’t always have the answers. Everyone needs a team behind them, and I wanted to be a part of a team as a positive influence. 

Several years went by, and I was feeling pretty good overall but still struggled from time to time. Before my senior year of college, in June of 2010, my younger brother was diagnosed with leukemia. He passed away in May of 2012. I ended up withdrawing from school in order to spend time with him and my family. After he passed, I was completely numb to life. I had never experienced grief before and was trying to navigate through it in healthy ways. Five months after my brother passed away, my father passed away suddenly from a heart attack. I spent several months isolating, crying, and angry at the world. Eventually, I reached out to my therapist and began seeing her regularly again. I went to therapy for over a year and still was struggling with severe symptoms of depression and anxiety and decided to add medication as part of my treatment. I wrestled with the concept of being on medication for a long time, but honestly it has helped me tremendously. Hopefully there will come a day where I can manage my symptoms without it, but until then I take medication and go to therapy. 

I gave myself some time in between undergrad and applying to graduate school because I knew that I wasn’t in a very good place emotionally to take on a master’s program. But in 2014 I knew I was ready to pursue my goal of becoming a therapist. In 2017 I graduated with a master’s in clinical Mental Health Counseling and was offered a position at an agency in Sioux Falls, S.D. It was here that I experienced a lot of growth personally and professionally. I was able to work with individuals, couples, families, and groups. With supervision and support from co-workers, friends, and family, I obtained my licenses in both mental health and addictions. I now have my own private practice where I work with adults with a variety of diagnoses and am honored that people share their stories of hardship and triumph with me. 

Remembering that there is always hope and living for the people who can’t has helped me live each day with greater purpose. Life truly is what you make of it. One of the bravest things I have ever done was to keep living. 

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

Therapy. Education. Friends. 

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Education and supportive conversations. Nature and nurture play a role in one’s ability “to roll with the punches.” With support, we can help those more vulnerable or struggling to adapt to adversity and learn healthy coping mechanisms. 

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Individuals struggling with their mental health are hurting. They are not choosing to be sick. We are all people trying to get through life. We are no greater than or less than anyone standing beside us. The strongest people I know are the clients that I see for therapy. It is a privilege to be able to help others. 

Brendan S. Webb

Brendan S. Webb

Posted on September 4, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

I am Brendan Webb, 22 years old, and I am a senior at the University of South Dakota (USD). I am a suicide attempt survivor. 

My biological father died from brain cancer when I was just 6 months old. A few years before that, my mother also lost her father in a tragic car accident. Both losses took a toll on our family, the hardest being on my mother. My mother dated after my father’s passing, and I tried my best to connect with them to have a father figure in my life. It was tough.  

Additionally, my grandfather, my mom’s father who passed away in the car accident, was in the NFL. There was a lot of pressure growing up on my brother and me to be successful at sports.  

I moved from New Mexico to Kansas when I was 7 years old, and I went through a loss; I moved away from one of my mother’s long-term boyfriends, the man I looked to as a father figure. After that, middle school was difficult as I acted out a lot, not knowing the underlying mental health conditions I had.  

The deeper mental health issues were junior and senior year of high school. That is when my mom really started pressuring me about sports. I started cutting, and I attempted suicide. I survived and got some help, but I really just continued to focus my time on football. My mom pushed sports on me heavily because she needed me to get to college. We were a low-income family; senior year in high school I worked to help my family pay rent.  

Then, I received my first D1 scholarship summer of 2017! USD offered me a football scholarship, and that is how I ended up in South Dakota. 

My freshman year went well, but during my sophomore at USD, I learned of some traumatic events that worsened my mental health. I lost three people I knew from my hometown that November. Dealing with this news, I thought about suicide.  

I found clarity after driving and stopping by a river. I felt a sense of calmness come over my mind and body. I knew then I needed to seek more care.  

Since then, I have completed more therapy. The COVID-19 pandemic was tough to continue therapy, but I was able to continue my appointments via telehealth, which made all the difference. 

Today, I am in a better place than I was previously. With medications and me trying to practice more mindfulness techniques, I am in a good place. I like football again. I am majoring in psychology, and I want to continue my education someday to be a clinical psychologist or a professional involved with disaster response. I want to help others through difficult times, like the times I have been through.  

A lot of men, especially athletes, don’t believe in mental health, but I can see that, at times, their mental health struggles. We all have mental health. I am open to talking about mental health and believe others should be too.  

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

The Psychological Services Center on campus.

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

A good way to get used to pain is to go through. I never truly want people to go through hardship but when you make it through the tunnel you become a stronger individual because of it. Though I say that, I do believe there should be people on the sideline to help. You don’t have to shoulder everything in life and have to deal with that pain by yourself. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

It’s okay. The dark thoughts that pop up in your head are scary, but you don’t have to listen to them. Randomly, you might have that thought of harming yourself, that’s completely normal when you’re in a heightened state of emotion, but what is not okay is to act upon those thoughts. 

Briana Whitehurst

Posted on September 2, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

I used to pride myself on being strong enough to handle everything that I have been through in my life alone. I always struggled with anxiety and depression, but I kept it hidden. I always showed a smile and a bubbly personality to hide the pain and trauma in my life. The one time I had tried to get on some medication during a low point, a doctor told me they didn’t believe me and it was all in my head, so I decided then and there to continue what I had always done and simply hide it.  

Early in 2020 I got COVID, and it knocked me off my feet for over a month. I had been working very hard on myself prior to getting sick and had been very healthy. All of a sudden, I was immersed in a world of medical issues, stress and uncertainty. On top of all of that, it felt like everything around me was crumbling, and for the first time no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get myself out of the darkness that was surrounding me. I began to be filled with negativity and started telling myself things like “No one would even notice if you weren’t here.” “No one needs you.” “The world would be better without you in it.” “It is exhausting for everyone trying to figure out what’s wrong with you.” I would have mental break downs all the time where I would just cry uncontrollably in bed or in the shower because I was so embarrassed and didn’t want anyone to see my rock bottom. I felt so alone, and I told myself lies that no one wanted to be around me because I wasn’t happy and that I wasn’t the “Me” they knew. The distance from people just made things worse to the point that I had gotten into an argument with someone I loved and it pushed me over the edge. I was ready and prepared to take my own life.  

Being as depressed as I was, I had thought of many ways to do this in the past, as awful as that sounds to say now. I was crying on the floor of my room, alone in the darkest moment of my life—even though I had been through harder things, this head space I couldn’t come out of. I tried to take my own life. 

I survived. I don’t know why I didn’t die—maybe something or someone was watching over me—but that was my moment my snap to reality that I needed REAL help. It was a break in my clouded darkness—a moment of clarity.  

I knew no matter how many doctors it took I would find someone who would hear my cry for help and understand me. I would seek out therapy to work through all the trauma. But most of all I would allow myself to have weakness to be able to find my strength again.  

I hope my story helps you know that no matter where you are, you got this. Even at your weakest points, get up! You are strong, you are resilient, and you are worth it!

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

Suicide Helpline, therapy, and prescribed medication by a licensed doctor for anxiety and depression. 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

First of all, don’t believe the lie “you are broken”—you are not! Second, don’t be afraid to get the help you need. Third, truly be there for the people around you, meaning listen when they are hurting, and when they aren’t, see through the happy faces—believe it or not, some people are really good at hiding their pain, and I am one of them, so I know. Check in on those around you, be that shoulder to lean on, and encourage people to seek the help they deserve! But most of all, spread awareness and make it OK to talk about mental health. It is real and so important. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

That sometimes the thoughts you have are not your own, and you feel trapped. 

Joel Kaskinen

Joel Kaskinen

Posted on August 26, 2021 by - Uncategorized

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

I attended graduate school at the University of South Dakota. I was pursuing a masters in higher education, and an internship was required for my program. My internship led me to Western Colorado University. While in Gunnison for the summer, a full-time position opened, and I landed the job!  

I moved from Vermillion to Gunnison and completed my degree online while working in a full-time capacity as a resident director at Western. I started in that role in 2017. My job was to manage dorms, supervise resident assistants, and support student development. A major part of this job required me to respond to crises as they arose.  

Jump to October 28, 2019. Jared, a student of mine, took his life in his dorm room. This tragedy rocked my world and the Gunnison and Western communities. I’ve lost many people close to me, but this was my first loss to suicide. I was devastated. How could I possibly support my students through their grief, when I didn’t know how to support myself through my own? Like most men in situations like this, I pushed my grief aside and put others first. I did what I had to do to move forward.  

It wasn’t until July 15, 2020, that I realized I’d still not processed Jared’s death, my loss, or the grief I was carrying. I was forced to face all those emotions after responding to another student suicide. Being one of the first people on scene and administering first aid to a student who was lying on the ground was not something that I was ever prepared for.   

I didn’t know Alex, but he quickly became a friend, as the ghost of his life haunted my daydreams and nightmares. I saw Alex everywhere. The piercing white of his eyes popped into my mind during meetings and when composing emails. I even had to take off the friendship bracelet that Jared made me, for fear that it still had Alex’s blood on it, from administering first aid. PTSD, in addition to the grief that I’d yet to process, and my new companion, depression, were now the rulers of my life.  

I couldn’t work. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I started abusing alcohol and drugs and engaging in risky sexual behaviors. For three months, I lived as a shell of the person I was before July 15th. I didn’t know who I was or what my purpose was in life. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening.  

Then the unthinkable happened. Kent, a first-year student in the class that I taught, was reported missing. Days later, his truck and body were found in the Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park. He’d driven off the side of the cliff in a mid-October snowstorm.  

Once again, I was heartbroken. As I watched my life spin out of control, and I received no support from those in positions of power at work, I started experiencing my own thoughts of suicide. I remember driving over a mountain pass outside of Gunnison and thinking how easy it’d be to drive my Jeep off the side and put the haunting thoughts and visions to rest. That’s when I knew something had to change.  

I forced myself to make it to the end of the semester hoping that the holidays and a vacation would help shake things up. But in January, in a spiral of depression, on the year anniversary of the death of my aunt, whom I’d lost to cancer, I couldn’t take it any longer. I decided to leave my job at Western to prioritize my mental health. After a long conversation with my therapist, an argument with my dean of students, and an emotional chat with my supervisor, I left my job. I took some time to rest, moved back to Michigan, and allowed my pain to fuel my passion. I now work with Lost&Found with hopes to heal through storytelling and connecting with others in similar situations.   

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

Therapy, medication, quitting my job, a strong community of support, and the launch of my podcast – It’s All In My Head. 

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

I believe resilience starts with being honest with yourself and loved ones about how you’re feeling. My goal is to normalize the conversation around mental health and to be a man who is strong enough to share my story with others, knowing that it is painful, emotional and scary. I like to measure my days in wins, even if the only small victory was that I got out of bed and moved to the couch. We can overcome adversity, by giving ourselves and others grace and space to feel, heal, learn, and grow. It’s about moving forward, rather than moving on. That to me is resilience. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

I wish everyone would understand that mental health is real, suicide isn’t a taboo word to avoid, and that you can’t always see the demons that others are facing. Be patient. Show empathy. Love one another. We’re all in this together!